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by Montreal Wanderer
Mon Apr 24, 2006 2:12 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: The TW Caption Competition Thread
Replies: 2985
Views: 920353

Several of the bench players forgot to wear their socks and boots, but no one seemed to notice.
by Montreal Wanderer
Fri Apr 21, 2006 8:35 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Happy Slapper get's, well, Slapped!
Replies: 95
Views: 19232

communistworkethic wrote:to be honest I don't know, presumably there are stats to call it anyway you want.
Figures lie and liars figure, I guess.
by Montreal Wanderer
Fri Apr 21, 2006 7:55 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Happy Slapper get's, well, Slapped!
Replies: 95
Views: 19232

communistworkethic wrote:interesting article but someone living in the US suggesting we have terrible crime rate and an uneducated population is a bit rich.
Do you have Europe's highest crime rate?
by Montreal Wanderer
Fri Apr 21, 2006 4:21 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: The TW Caption Competition Thread
Replies: 2985
Views: 920353

"Yes, I know that He said: ' Unless ye become as little children....' but I don't think he intended us to be walking round the Town Centre like this."
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Apr 20, 2006 11:42 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: A Bitter pill to swallow.
Replies: 16
Views: 3761

communistworkethic wrote:I think that's proved what we've all thought for a long time - Monty is 185 years old.
A great exageration and a foul canard - I'm not a day over 110.
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Apr 20, 2006 10:31 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: A Bitter pill to swallow.
Replies: 16
Views: 3761

Sluffy - shouldn't that be Altrin c ham?! Yes sorry it should! I must have been spelling it wrongly for years! :oops: :oops: :oops: Perhaps there are two places with similar names - fifty years ago I went to school in Hale, Cheshire, which I'm fairly certain was adjacent to Altrin g ham. Or perhaps...
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Apr 20, 2006 10:28 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: A Bitter pill to swallow.
Replies: 16
Views: 3761

Sluffy - shouldn't that be Altrin c ham?! Yes sorry it should! I must have been spelling it wrongly for years! :oops: :oops: :oops: Perhaps there are two places with similar names - fifty years ago I went to school in Hale, Cheshire, which I'm fairly certain was adjacent to Altrin g ham. Or perhaps...
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:48 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Happy Slapper get's, well, Slapped!
Replies: 95
Views: 19232

plodder wrote:As ever Monty, thanks for your input.
:oops: I think the 'sarcastic mode on' may have been pressed again.
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:38 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Happy Slapper get's, well, Slapped!
Replies: 95
Views: 19232

Am I going to fast for anyone? Anyway I have had enough of trying to explain my views on this. I'll say it slowly one final time. Do unto others as they do unto you. I think I read that in a book somewhere. I think your memory lets you down. There is, however, a book that says “Do unto others as yo...
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Apr 20, 2006 4:26 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Happy Slapper get's, well, Slapped!
Replies: 95
Views: 19232

Gertie wrote:Yes, and didn't I look the wally when you pointed out it wasn't your birthday either.
It could have been worse - he might have been Ratbert or something.
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Apr 20, 2006 1:54 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Happy Slapper get's, well, Slapped!
Replies: 95
Views: 19232

The concept of a happy slapper is quite new to me - what will you people think of next! I would guess that any slapper would at least be guilty of common assault and disturbing the peace. I disagree, Mummy, that the open palm makes a difference - an unexpected slap could cause a heart attack or a se...
by Montreal Wanderer
Fri Apr 07, 2006 3:57 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Joke thread
Replies: 3701
Views: 531152

Batman wrote:cat puns eh

come on Monty!!!
Just a Freudian typo, Batty - I meant "can tolerate". :wink:
by Montreal Wanderer
Fri Apr 07, 2006 3:32 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Joke thread
Replies: 3701
Views: 531152

For those who cat tolerate puns... A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Duck has passed away....
by Montreal Wanderer
Fri Apr 07, 2006 1:59 am
Forum: General Banter
Topic: The TW Caption Competition Thread
Replies: 2985
Views: 920353

communistworkethic wrote:The library trainee hadn't quite understood the request to examine the micro-fiche records.
HeY - lay off the library punchlines!
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Apr 06, 2006 2:10 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Joke thread
Replies: 3701
Views: 531152

CrazyHorse wrote:
superjohnmcginlay wrote:Keep up CH
:oops:
lol! Don't you just hate it when that happens.
:D
Not when it happens to you! :wink:
by Montreal Wanderer
Wed Apr 05, 2006 1:25 pm
Forum: New Members
Topic: Simmy/Rob/Berry/Ches/Lee YOU feck*!!!!!!!!!!!!
Replies: 21
Views: 11366

Batman wrote:wow that was some time ago, how times flies
Yes, and your name seems to have changed from MixuPaatelainen - definitely an improvement IMHO.
by Montreal Wanderer
Thu Mar 30, 2006 2:48 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Joke thread
Replies: 3701
Views: 531152

I found this amusing if probably untrue: CADILLACS AND COMPUTERS For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stat...
by Montreal Wanderer
Wed Mar 15, 2006 2:25 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: The TW Caption Competition Thread
Replies: 2985
Views: 920353

CrazyHorse wrote:Wind up time over - here you go...
It wasn't a wind up, CH - I could not see it until you put it in imageshack - it may be a browser thing - I use IE, not Mozilla.
by Montreal Wanderer
Tue Mar 14, 2006 1:01 pm
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Joke thread
Replies: 3701
Views: 531152

My grandad told me that one in 1965. :oops: Even back then, Texas buses didn't have conductors - I think it should have been a train joke. Pedantic?? If we're being pedantic we should have had this discussion when the joke first appeared back on page 7 or whatever it was... Well, I raised the same ...
by Montreal Wanderer
Tue Mar 14, 2006 12:08 am
Forum: General Banter
Topic: Joke thread
Replies: 3701
Views: 531152

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and ...

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