Who reads footballers' autobiographies?

[ChrisC]

Lets do something a bit different For those who like to read the odd autobiography, post some of your favourite paragraphs or quotes from the book.

I have seen people quoting Craig Bellamy's book so I am getting on with that at the moment. I always like a bit of player bashing and this one made me chuckle.. Just seen someone else post the same part so it saved me typing it out

"I met Charlie a couple of times before pre-season training began, and he seemed a nice lad.

He wasn't the brightest but then footballers rarely are. I consider myself to be among the cleverer footballers around.

Charlie is a true Scot, and he loves his beer. It's all he ever talked about at the start, having had a brutal close season with a series of lads holidays abroad.

Charlie wasn't a shy lad and told the squad all about his escapades, including vomiting into the swimming pool at 2pm one afternoon.

He was a fat bastard too, Charlie, and he could eat for Scotland.

Some of the lads called him 'Rab', after the TV comedy character Rab C Nesbitt.

The first day at training and Charlie had a 'mare. He couldn't control the ball to save his life, couldn't get his breath and kept falling over while trying to run with the ball.

Players are always judging others, never more so than on the first day - first impressions count and though some of the lads found it hilarious, most were not impressed.

"Who's this c*nt?", one respected player said to me.

"I can't believe we've signed this useless c*nt", said another.

While one of the club's iconic players said to me, "I'd played against him last season and I knew he was shite, you're gonna need to step it up this season, Craig - cos this c*nt's wank."

Charlie didn't have the best of seasons and he was sold on to Stoke. I wish him well."

One from Jaap Stam's book

“We had to keep everything under wraps, so the club (PSV) didn't find out about the unofficial approach. We spent most of our 30 minutes just talking about what my plans were and how he’d like me to come to Old Trafford. There was no discussion about positional play, contracts or money. I guess he just wanted to meet me and see what kind of guy I was. He strode into the room, full of confidence and smiling broadly. Jaap, I want you to play for Manchester United,’ he said. `I want you to command our back line and help us to win the Champions League’.”

A shiny gold star for whoever guesses which autobiography this is from

“I’d waited long enough. I fecking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c*nt. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.”

Hopefully this catches on and doesn't fade into the TW forgotten pages Might help some people decide what is a good read and worth buying.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

A shiny gold star for whoever guesses which autobiography this is from

“I’d waited long enough. I fecking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c*nt. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.”

Gary Lineker?

[ChrisC]

A shiny gold star for whoever guesses which autobiography this is from

“I’d waited long enough. I fecking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c*nt. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.”

Gary Lineker?

Wrong

Think more bald

[Lost Leopard Spot]

A shiny gold star for whoever guesses which autobiography this is from

“I’d waited long enough. I fecking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c*nt. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.”

Gary Lineker?

Wrong

Think more bald

One of these:
Stuart Pyscho Pearce
Roy Keane
Vinnie Jones

[ChrisC]

A shiny gold star for whoever guesses which autobiography this is from

“I’d waited long enough. I fecking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c*nt. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.”

Gary Lineker?

Wrong

Think more bald

One of these:
Stuart Pyscho Pearce
Roy Keane
Vinnie Jones

Keane

[Lost Leopard Spot]

ahh. The Haaland incident I presume.

[ohjimmyjimmy]

Who reads footballers autobiography's _________ ?

(for LLS - who's usually first on the scene!)

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Who reads footballers autobiography's _________ ?

(for LLS - who's usually first on the scene!)

I've just noticed.

ChrisC take that

possibly Who reads footballer's autobiographys
or Who reads footballers' autobiographies
but definitely not Who reads footballers autobiography's.

[ChrisC]

Who reads footballers autobiography's _________ ?

(for LLS - who's usually first on the scene!)

I've just noticed.

ChrisC take that

possibly Who reads footballer's autobiographys
or Who reads footballers' autobiographies
but definitely not Who reads footballers autobiography's.

I have no idea what you are talking about

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Ha. Surreptitious Editing Rools OK!

[ohjimmyjimmy]

Ohhhhh....who reads footballers' AUTOBIOGRAPHIES?



I've only ever read one to be honest, and i forget who it was, but it was of a journeyman local pro in his days at places like Rochdale, Macclesfield etc. It was very good, just wish i could remember who it was.

[thebish]

Ohhhhh....who reads footballers AUTOBIOGRAPHIES?

<cough> You've a missing apostrophe there Jimmy! </cough>

[ohjimmyjimmy]

Ohhhhh....who reads footballers AUTOBIOGRAPHIES?

<cough> You've a missing apostrophe there Jimmy! </cough>

I've no idea what you're talking about...

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Actually I don't read their autobiograhies. Well not since the first one I read anyway. I got bought one for Christmas many moons ago. I read the entire thing round at my in-laws over the enforced turkeyfest duration. It bored me to tears. It still sits on my bookshelves occupying the only taken space in the section reserved for Autobiography sub-section Footballers sub-sub-section English. Jackie Charlton - the Autobiography. I do not recommend it.
It lives next to the only unopened book that I possess. That's right, not just unread, but actually unopened. It lives sealed in a clear polythene straightjacket in the section Autobiography sub-section Footballers, sub-sub-section Foreign. It was bought for me last Christmas and I haven't bothered to ebay it or burn it yet. It is the modestly titled El Diego The Autobiography of the World's Greatest Footballer.
I was tempted to read the Moo autobiography when it came out, but I didn't.

[ohjimmyjimmy]

I did however used to enjoy getting the latest Danny Baker's Football Bloopers video for Christmas every year as a lad.

[Raven]

Only have read Garry Nelsons (very good) and Tony Adams' (scary insight into being an alcoholic)

[ChrisC]

Only have read Garry Nelsons (very good) and Tony Adams' (scary insight into being an alcoholic)

Got that one on my list.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Only have read Garry Nelsons (very good) and Tony Adams' (scary insight into being an alcoholic)

If I had have read Adams's I'd have filed it under section Autobiography sub-section Alcoholism. I have quite a few in there to be honest, including George Best.
NB I file biography and autobiography in the same section. I tend to find there aren't many that fully fit the auto prefix.

[BWFC_Insane]

Only have read Garry Nelsons (very good) and Tony Adams' (scary insight into being an alcoholic)

If I had have read Adams's I'd have filed it under section Autobiography sub-section Alcoholism. I have quite a few in there to be honest, including George Best.
NB I file biography and autobiography in the same section. I tend to find there aren't many that fully fit the auto prefix.

If it says auto it means that anything made up, is at least made up by the person themselves (whilst talking to their ghost writer).

If it doesn't say auto then it means the vast majority could well, have been dreamt up in the mind of a lunatic.....

[bobo the clown]

Hunt our "A Breath of Fresh Ayre" by Fred Ayre.

A little old fashioned now but a great insight into the life of a lower league player.


He tells the tale of playing for Wigan (in their 3rd/4th division days) and some fan in particular taking a disliking to him. He booed and cat-called him at ever opportunity. Being small crowds it was possible to see the geezer involved.

He had, at home, an issue with his washing machine and the wife arranged a plumber to call after his training was done for the day. The bell rang and ... yes ... the plumber was the abusive fan. Ayre noted it was him, but said nothing. The plumber will doubtless have recognised him but presumed he himself was not known to Ayre.

The plumbing began, washer pulled out, toolbag on the floor, man in overalls crawling all over the floor behind the machine. Biding his time, once things were moving Ayre began booing the guy, cat-calling his choice of spanner or wrench ... singing "you don't know what you're doing" whenever he needed a change of tool. Abusing him when any water spilt on the tiles.

Love the concept.

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