Joke thread

[bwfcdan94]

After my Prostate examination the doctor left the room.
Then the nurse entered the room, and said those five words you never want to hear.






















"WHO THE feck WAS THAT" !!!!!!!!!

[Gary the Enfield]

I witnessed a horrendous incident at the weekend.

I was at the seaside the other day when I noticed a crowd had gathered around a man and his wife having an almighty row. To my horror they seemed to be oblivious to the poor kids who had to witness it, too. Then the wife hit the husband and it all kicked off. A solitary policeman tried to break up the fight and started laying into the man with his truncheon. Somehow the man took the truncheon from the copper and started laying into him and his wife.


I was just about to step in when this crocodile appeared and stole some sausages.........

[boltonboris]

After my Prostate examination the doctor left the room.
Then the nurse entered the room, and said those five words you never want to hear.



"WHO THE feck WAS THAT" !!!!!!!!!

Better than my doctor.. I walked in and the first thing he said was "Okay, take you clothes and throw them over there next to mine"

[davroduk]

A Roman walks into a bar.

Sticks two fingers up at the barman and says.....


Five beers please

[Prufrock]

What do you call two crows standing on a branch?

Attempted murder.

[mrkint]

Somebody reads the independent!

[Lost Leopard Spot]

What do you call two crows standing on a branch?

Attempted murder.

[Prufrock]

Film idea: having spent the last forty-odd years training himself up to become a brutal killing machine, E.T. returns from his home planet to exact his revenge on humanity. 'E.T. 2: Brute'

[Montreal Wanderer]

Film idea: having spent the last forty-odd years training himself up to become a brutal killing machine, E.T. returns from his home planet to exact his revenge on humanity. 'E.T. 2: Brute'

Don't give up the day job...

[2399]

MAde this one up,.....


Why do Satanists like Cheap Pizzas?

'Cos it's a Cent-a-gram (or a Pence-a-gram)

[Prufrock]

Is your Pizza sold in gram[me]s? It might have been cocaine. Oooooh. Or sweets. That would've pissed the old codgers on here off!

Still better than the only joke I've ever sat down and made up on my own. (I was about ten, so forgive me). What does a cat in a cage say? Let meow-t.

[CrazyHorse]

Film idea: having spent the last forty-odd years training himself up to become a brutal killing machine, E.T. returns from his home planet to exact his revenge on humanity. 'E.T. 2: Brute'

That gag somehow manages to be both brilliant and shite at the same time.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Film idea: having spent the last forty-odd years training himself up to become a brutal killing machine, E.T. returns from his home planet to exact his revenge on humanity. 'E.T. 2: Brute'

That gag somehow manages to be both brilliant and shite at the same time.

No. No it doesn't. I much prefer the let meow-t joke. Very much.

[clapton is god]

I've just won the 'Most secretive person 2013' award.

I can't tell you how much it means to me.

[seanworth]

I've just won the 'Most secretive person 2013' award.

I can't tell you how much it means to me.

Finally a joke with a punch line.

[Prufrock]

Whilst on holiday near Lake Geneva I purchased a large bottle of mineral water.

I struggled to carry it though, it was an Evian.

[LeverEnd]

I will never forget the words my late father said to me...

He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".

[Lost Leopard Spot]

I will never forget the words my late father said to me...

He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".

'kinell. I just groaned out loud in public.

[bwfcdan94]

I will never forget the words my late father said to me...

He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".

, like that one because it takes you a second to work out the punch line.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

I will never forget the words my late father said to me...

He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".

, like that one because it takes you a second to work out the punch line.

Strangely enough Dan, it was precisely for the very opposite reason why I groaned out loud.