Batman has been to court -now with legal bollocks on p3-

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:17 pm

Not that I have done owt, but as a witness.

Dunno if I mentioned it but about two months back I was happily ensconced in my flat watching Stargate on DVD (a criminal offence in it's own right you might think) when I heard a massive crash outside my window, now I knew that my car was the only one there at the time, so I jumped up and legged it outside to see my next door neighbour (some Polish chap) in his car driving over and over and over into the back of mine at about 10mph.

I went and stood by his car door and he tried to get out but was obviously steaming drunk.

So anyway I called the bobbies and they came out asap (about ten of em) and nick him.

He was breathlysed and found to five times over the limit.

I went in with the copper and gave a statement, and told 'this will be the end of it cos there is no way he cannot plead not guilty'

so surprise surprise when i get a letter yesterday stating that he has, and that I have to give evidence in Jan in court.

Have any TWers had to do this? I was shittin maself when I read the date as I was sure that it was gonna be 8th Nov and I would miss Munich...........

mummywhycantieatcrayons · Post by **mummywhycantieatcrayons** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:20 pm

Batman wrote:Have any TWers had to do this? I was shittin maself when I read the date as I was sure that it was gonna be 8th Nov and I would miss Munich...........

Surely you mean: "I was shittin maself when I read the date as I was sure that it was gonna be 8th Nov and I would have to be in contempt of court."

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:21 pm

ha for not turning up?

Doing an Amir?

I'm going to have to get my suit cleaned

Athers · Post by **Athers** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:34 pm

You have to mention you were watching Stargate.

Worthy4England · Post by **Worthy4England** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:48 pm

Batman wrote:Not that I have done owt, but as a witness.

Dunno if I mentioned it but about two months back I was happily ensconced in my flat watching Stargate on DVD (a criminal offence in it's own right you might think) when I heard a massive crash outside my window, now I knew that my car was the only one there at the time, so I jumped up and legged it outside to see my next door neighbour (some Polish chap) in his car driving over and over and over into the back of mine at about 10mph.

I went and stood by his car door and he tried to get out but was obviously steaming drunk.

So anyway I called the bobbies and they came out asap (about ten of em) and nick him.

He was breathlysed and found to five times over the limit.

I went in with the copper and gave a statement, and told 'this will be the end of it cos there is no way he cannot plead not guilty'

so surprise surprise when i get a letter yesterday stating that he has, and that I have to give evidence in Jan in court.

Have any TWers had to do this? I was shittin maself when I read the date as I was sure that it was gonna be 8th Nov and I would miss Munich...........

Aye - I was there on 24th October as a witness....

Me and a mate witnessed a heinous crime...

22nd Dec last year, some bloke we drink with had his ex-missus turn up at the pub looking for trouble. Anyhow it was late and the door from the Vault to the outside world had been locked, so as she entered from the room, poor sod was cornered. Heated 5 minutes ensued as she called him all the cnuts under the sun. He eventually got bored with this and lobbed a pint over her. Both parties were asked to leave the pub, her first as no one knew her then about 10 minutes later he got ushered out.

Upshot was (as she's now getting free truncheon with a copper), she decides to press charges for assult. Police head round and try to take 8 witness statements and decide it's going to court. Two of us were stoopid enough to give witness statements (others said they'd seen nowt). So we got called to Court on 24th Oct.

I got a call on my way there as I was running late. My mate had no intention of turning up, he got a call saying he could be prosectued for non-attendance, so had to drop what he was doing to leg it to Court.

In Court, I was briefed by the Prosecution legal (I thought I was there as a defence witness). I told him I was a mate of the accused to which he replied he could ask to treat me as a hostile witness - I told him to go ahead. They must have got nervous coz they decided to settle on my mate being bound over and no fine - so never got in the witness box.

I've been in witness box on a previous occasion where we got another mate of mine off on D&D charge...

James B · Post by **James B** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:57 pm

Batman wrote:I'm going to have to get my suit cleaned

chill out, you're not a defendant

wear the scruffiest outfit you've got

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:02 pm

it's a new experience for me........

court that is, not the suit

Worthy4England · Post by **Worthy4England** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:47 pm

Batman wrote:it's a new experience for me........

court that is, not the suit

Just take your time, pick your words carefully - they're good at playing misinterpretations

davroduk · Post by **davroduk** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 4:11 pm

I was a witness to a crash that went to court.
Took the day off work, turned up and at the last minute the guy pleads guilty, so it never actually got into the court.
Copper came to us (witnesses)and told us we could go.
It turns out that solicitors always tell you to plead not guilty in the hope that no witnesses will turn up.
When the day comes, if witnesses do turn up you change your plea to guilty.
Complete waste of time and money.

a1 · Post by a1 » Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:45 pm

davroduk wrote:I was a witness to a crash that went to court.
Took the day off work, turned up and at the last minute the guy pleads guilty, so it never actually got into the court.
Copper came to us (witnesses)and told us we could go.
It turns out that solicitors always tell you to plead not guilty in the hope that no witnesses will turn up.
When the day comes, if witnesses do turn up you change your plea to guilty.
Complete waste of time and money.

i dont think its that , i think in "big deal" type shizz like a stabbing or owt they plead innocent at first coz they can still get visitors in da pokey , if they pled guilty from the start they dont - so they plead innocent then 'change their minds' to gulty as pleading guilty gets 1/3 or 1/2 of the time / fine cut..

i think thats what anyway ..

they's playing the system and wasting money fecking about getting a trial prepared when there wont ever be one .. they should bill the bastards for it after..

Dave Sutton's barnet · Post by **Dave Sutton's barnet** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 9:12 pm

Worthy4England wrote:
Batman wrote:it's a new experience for me........

court that is, not the suit
Just take your time, pick your words carefully

What, Batman?

Dujon · Post by **Dujon** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:25 pm

I had to laugh at this Google advertisement which turned up at the bottom of the page, Batty.

Perhaps the defendant will employ one of them?

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 12:52 pm

well it's tomorrow

and im rather nervous i must say

no-one has told me if i have to wear a suit or what

Worthy4England · Post by **Worthy4England** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 1:54 pm

Batman wrote:well it's tomorrow

and im rather nervous i must say

no-one has told me if i have to wear a suit or what

No - you don't have to wear a suit. The whole "wear a suit" thing is typically for crown court, where the jury may be "swayed" as to how reliable your testimony is, based on how you are attired, how you speak etc. So turn up in a hoody and act like a gangsta, theory is that 12 just men and true will treat your testimony as such...go in whatever is comfortable would be my advice. If you're defence witness, i.e. giving testimony on behalf of a mate or summat, might be worth making the additional effort....

malcd1 · Post by **malcd1** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 1:55 pm

Batman wrote:well it's tomorrow

and im rather nervous i must say

no-one has told me if i have to wear a suit or what

It's best if you do wear a suit. You may appear to be a credible witness rather than the yob you are.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:05 pm

Just tell it like you told it here and I wouldn't bother with the suit unless you particularly want to wear one..

Judges are never fooled by yobs who turn up in a suit when they've obviously never worn one in their lives. In their cases it should be regarded as a ploy by the defence barrister to divert the course of justice. Just stick to the truth. You're only a witness, not the accused.

warthog · Post by **warthog** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:11 pm

Given Batty's lack of tact, I reckon he'll get sent down, even though he isn't the accused.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:19 pm

Just a point about when asked your name.......

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:20 pm

And don't forget to ask the judge if he'd like to buy a copy of The Watchtower.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Sun Jan 06, 2008 2:23 pm

Bruce Rioja wrote:And don't forget to ask the judge if he'd like to buy a copy of The Watchtower.

Now that was pretty smart Brucie.