Today I'm angry about.....

[Bruce Rioja]

So up yours, Boris. Who's a Godless bastard?

[boltonboris]

It's about a priest, so stick t up your jacksie

[Bijou Bob]

Champions League 'anthem'? That'll be nothing other than, at best, a theme tune won't it?

It's a hymn, you godless bastards

Well, I say that.. They changed the words a bit to make it sound like they're singing about the Champions League - But it's called Zadok the Priest I think.

Anyway.. Absolutely pathetic that they're in trouble for this. Talk about censoreship!!

it is/was an anthem composed for the coronation of George 2nd... I think it has been sung at every coronation since, though I may be wrong about that... it's such a long time since we had one!

Watch this space........ ( That should put you and me on the GCHQ radar!)

[thebish]

It's about a priest, so stick t up your jacksie

and a prophet...

[bobo the clown]

It's about a priest, so stick t up your jacksie

... and a prophet...

OK. He prophesies he'll stick it up his jacksie !

[Abdoulaye's Twin]

Cold calls from financial services companies. They always start out as if they are your mate and they know you. They usually refuse to tell you what they want until they have finished talking bollocks for 15 minutes. Usually pension legislation has *just* changed in the UK - it must change on a daily basis

This time though, some Scottish cvnt started out with "we spoke last month and you asked me to call you back". I responded with "no you fecking didn't, I've never spoken to you before in my life and trust me, I don't ask cold calling spivs to call me...ever. Take me off your database and don't sell my info on". Before I could hit the end call button he wanted to know why I didn't want to receive any further calls!

[thebish]

I like the ones who start by asking if I have time to answer just one simple question.... I often say that I have..

they then make smalltalk and ask an inane question such as "how are you today?"

I then tell them that I am in tip-top form

they then move on as if to get to business - and I am forced to remind them that they only asked for the time for one question - which they have just used up...

bye!

[thebish]

I also quite enjoy telling street chuggers that I hate whatever the target of their fund-raising is.. animals, old people, blind children...

[TANGODANCER]

^
"According to our records" is a favourite here. That and "Are you aware of a new government legislation?". Add the "We can do it together!" ads forever telling us how much they care, blatant insurance chancers that try to make you feel guilty for being alive without taking out multiple policies for your "loved ones" (even if you are only thirty) and phone calls from Mr "no name" on your mobile that try to get you to ring them back and then leave you on hold and rack up your charges, etc.etc,etc. Oh, baby, baby it's a wild world...

[TANGODANCER]

Forgot to add an old chestnut that seems to be trying again. Guy knocked on my door the other day saying he was doing a survey on band ratings for council tax purpose. He could possibly get my band changed to pay less tax if I would answer a few questions.

"Are you from the council" I asked?
"Er, no, the council have nothing to do with setting these bands"...etc
"And this authority is?"
Some mumble here and flashes a clip board of printed forms"
"So who is this authority, and do you work for them?"
"Er, no, we are a small private company who.....

"Sorry, not for me thanks. Good morning." Retire, close door. Had this a couple of years ago. It's some sort of a scam where you fill a load of forms in and agree to pay this "small private company" so much/many percent of what they save you in council tax etc.....

[Abdoulaye's Twin]

I like the ones who start by asking if I have time to answer just one simple question.... I often say that I have..

they then make smalltalk and ask an inane question such as "how are you today?"

I then tell them that I am in tip-top form

they then move on as if to get to business - and I am forced to remind them that they only asked for the time for one question - which they have just used up...

bye!

Must remember that one

I get so many of these calls that I instantly go into angry mode. I've turned into a grumpy old bastard

[thebish]

I don't get as many as the missus (who is the one who signed up for the telephone preference scheme, funnily enough!) - but I don't mind much as long as they are not obviously lying to me.

those who are lying - eg - claiming that my windows computer has a virus threat which they can detect from windows security central - or some such - then they get both barrels

those who aren't - I TRY to remember that the person calling is usually a very poorly paid person simply trying to make a living to feed and clothe themselves and possibly their family - they didn't create the company or the system - and they get abuse and a dog's life all day long. If I can try to make at least ONE of their phone calls which they HAVE to make in order to keep up with their punishing schedule of targets - then maybe I have done a good thing...

the same doesn't apply to street-chuggers - though I don't resort to abuse - just extreme hatred of whatever they want me to give them money for "JUST" £3 a week!!!

[Abdoulaye's Twin]

I have no sympathy for them here. They work for companies with dubious practices and generally seem to be wideboys living the Dubai dream getting pissed at brunches every Friday. Back in the UK they'd be misselling PPI etc..

A few generalisations, but I have looked into a few of the more annoying ones and they were to a man very punchable.

[Bruce Rioja]

I get them, always from Scoucers, about some or other accident that they seem to think I've had within the past 3 years.

[thebish]

aye - I get them... they usually fall under the category of liars who deserve both barrels as they claim to know about an accident I have had...

(it is possible they do - that an insurer has sold them generalised info - but most of the time I reckon they are just phishing...)

anyway - with those I usually play along for a bit - thanking them for their concern - and then ask them if they mean the one where I fell off the works scaffolding whilst trying to retieve the boss's cat - breaking both legs, an arm and 3 ribs...

[Little Green Man]

I get them, always from Scoucers, about some or other accident that they seem to think I've had within the past 3 years.

My gran got one during her 100th birthday celebrations. She's never once driven a car. Nor did my long deceased grandad. The scamming Scouse bint on the other end took great exception to being called a liar.

My gran also has the misfortune of being with TalkTalk. She got her first scam call purporting to be from them a couple of days ago and as it was a 7:30 in the morning she gave them a gobful too. Attagirl!

[thebish]

I get them, always from Scoucers, about some or other accident that they seem to think I've had within the past 3 years.

My gran got one during her 100th birthday celebrations. She's never once driven a car. Nor did my long deceased grandad. The scamming Scouse bint on the other end took great exception to being called a liar.

My gran also has the misfortune of being with TalkTalk. She got her first scam call purporting to be from them a couple of days ago and as it was a 7:30 in the morning she gave them a gobful too. Attagirl!

sweary grans are da bomb!

[bobo the clown]

I don't get as many as the missus (who is the one who signed up for the telephone preference scheme, funnily enough!) - but I don't mind much as long as they are not obviously lying to me.

those who are lying - eg - claiming that my windows computer has a virus threat which they can detect from windows security central - or some such - then they get both barrels

those who aren't - I TRY to remember that the person calling is usually a very poorly paid person simply trying to make a living to feed and clothe themselves and possibly their family - they didn't create the company or the system - and they get abuse and a dog's life all day long. If I can try to make at least ONE of their phone calls which they HAVE to make in order to keep up with their punishing schedule of targets - then maybe I have done a good thing...

the same doesn't apply to street-chuggers - though I don't resort to abuse - just extreme hatred of whatever they want me to give them money for "JUST" £3 a week!!!

Very similar here at the Circus.

I do feel sorry for people who have that as their job and if they're polite then I just politely decline.

The ones who lie "our records show that in the past 3 years ..." get a bit back. Often asking where they got this from. I've noticed that any challenge whatsoever leads to them putting the phone down.

Now, the ones who do deserve to fry in Hell, basted rarely and turned often, are the multi-call ones. Those who have an auto-dial system and you're just one of half a dozen. So when you pick up they aren't on the chuffing line. When they eventually answer you (from THEIR call) they 90% of the time get your name wrong. You can hear others in the background and they inevitably are over-cheery, over presumptions and difficult to be negative to. W@nkers of the first order.

Then .... then ... then there are the street chugger. The over enthusiastic ones who bob around in front of you. Alarmingly cheery. Irrepressible. Those ... they get the anti-whatever-it-is-they're-touting response. Yesterday's bubbly tw@ts waving photos of people in chains as they tried to halt my progress through Chester were Amnesty International. They seemed surprised that I wished more people were locked-up, Greater use of torture should be permitted and the death penalty should apply ... mainly to street chuggers.

Last week the anti-vivisectionists got told exactly why I felt beagles were a pampered species.

Grrrrrr

[thebish]

of course, the most effective way of dealing with irritating callers/chuggers is to ask very early on...

may I ask you a quick question first?

errr... ok..

have you been personally saved by the blood of Jeeeeeesus?

that normally does the trick!

[Hoboh]

Cold calls from financial services companies. They always start out as if they are your mate and they know you. They usually refuse to tell you what they want until they have finished talking bollocks for 15 minutes. Usually pension legislation has *just* changed in the UK - it must change on a daily basis

This time though, some Scottish cvnt started out with "we spoke last month and you asked me to call you back". I responded with "no you fecking didn't, I've never spoken to you before in my life and trust me, I don't ask cold calling spivs to call me...ever. Take me off your database and don't sell my info on". Before I could hit the end call button he wanted to know why I didn't want to receive any further calls!

Simple, in a broken voice indicate you 'no speak English' and keep repeating refugee, refugee!
It works.