There's nothing worse than ...

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:44 pm

From another post we have Clapton, who is, apparently God & hence could avoid all this, proclaim that "there's nothing worse than ..."

clapton is god wrote:
Eeh, there's nothing worse than a paper cut!

... apart from sore heels from new shoes.

... oh, and a finger nail pulled back beyond the quick.

... and chilli on your knob (but that's another story).

... and heart transplants. I hear they're a bit of a bugger.

What do YOU think there's nothing worse than.

(ps. I will hunt down and shoot like a dog the first person to hijack & make this an anti (or pro) Megson/Gartside thread.)

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:48 pm

Burning the roof of your mouth. Bastard kills.

*This may or may not be influenced by the fact I did this this evening. The value of your investment may go down as well as up.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:52 pm

Prufrock wrote:Burning the roof of your mouth. Bastard kills.

*This may or may not be influenced by the fact I did this this evening. The value of your investment may go down as well as up.

With screaming hot cheese in Enchiladas.

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:56 pm

TANGODANCER wrote:
Prufrock wrote:Burning the roof of your mouth. Bastard kills.

*This may or may not be influenced by the fact I did this this evening. The value of your investment may go down as well as up.
With screaming hot cheese in Enchiladas.

Or onion in pork spring rolls.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:56 pm

not having gloves and drinking a can of pop on a freezing day.

Biting your tongue.

Getting in the bath, then realise it's too hot and spending about half a minute flailing about trying to get out before you boil.

CAPSLOCK · Post by **CAPSLOCK** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:28 pm

Standing on an upturned plug as you stagger to the bog, leathered, at 4 in the morning

Close thread

Lord Kangana · Post by **Lord Kangana** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:35 pm

Verbal wrote:not having gloves and drinking a can of pop on a freezing day.

Biting your tongue.

Getting in the bath, then realise it's too hot and spending about half a minute flailing about trying to get out before you boil.

Try drinking that can of pop at altitude. Make sure you guzzle half in one go. Instant heart attack.

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:42 pm

Prufrock wrote:
TANGODANCER wrote:
Prufrock wrote:Burning the roof of your mouth. Bastard kills.

*This may or may not be influenced by the fact I did this this evening. The value of your investment may go down as well as up.
With screaming hot cheese in Enchiladas.
Or onion in pork spring rolls.

If you cooked for yourself once in a while, Sonny Jim, then you wouldn't leave yourself open to such surprises. It's your fault, not theirs, you lazy, pikey tosser!

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:50 pm

Bruce Rioja wrote:
Prufrock wrote:
TANGODANCER wrote:
Prufrock wrote:Burning the roof of your mouth. Bastard kills.

*This may or may not be influenced by the fact I did this this evening. The value of your investment may go down as well as up.
With screaming hot cheese in Enchiladas.
Or onion in pork spring rolls.
If you cooked for yourself once in a while, Sonny Jim, then you wouldn't leave yourself open to such surprises. It's your fault, not theirs, you lazy, pikey tosser!

I am yet to burn the roof of my mouth on noodles, toast, or crisps. If I can maange it, why can't they?!

malcd1 · Post by **malcd1** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 12:38 am

A mouth ulcer that you keep catching on that sharp tooth.

William the White · Post by **William the White** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 12:42 am

If this thread is about drinks primarily - seriously, is there anything worse than instant 'coffee'? Really? That has to be the biggest con of cons... the relationship between that liquid and actual coffee is so far apart that it shatters the 'six degrees of separation' rule...

Montreal Wanderer · Post by **Montreal Wanderer** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 12:53 am

For the uncircumcised, a zip fastener and a quick hand.

William the White · Post by **William the White** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 12:56 am

Montreal Wanderer wrote:For the uncircumcised, a zip fastener and a quick hand.

At this point the men on here pause, think through the other options, and concede...

The women have a good laugh...

Dujon · Post by **Dujon** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 1:11 am

Oh dear, my red-nosed friend, that's a rather difficult question to answer. Over the years I seem to have hoarded a collection of such cameo performances.

Far too many years ago to remember the precise date I was relieving (more of that shortly) a fellow member of the company for which at that time I was an employee. In other words I was on the Relieving Staff - probably some have you have had such a role yourselves. On the occasion in question my fellow conspirators-in-crime (we were in the banking industry) connived to get me totally and utterly drunk. Whatever the price to their wives and loved ones I don't really know - although I do have vague recollections of some lovely lady banging together a quick plate of spaghetti for about half a dozen totally and utterly legless males at some equally ridiculous hour of the morning. The scene was set.

Some short time later I was taken back to my hotel room (don't ask me how or when or by whom as I have no idea). Perhaps it is as well that I don't remember any details of that bacchanalian other than than that which follows, even though I would rather forget the whole incident. I have tried many times to expunge the memory of this escapade but it refuses to go away. Perhaps this public admission of my sin will prove to be cathartic, although I doubt it.

Some time during my visit to Nirvana I remember visiting a toilet within which was a cubicle door which was hard to open. To my delight I managed to get it open and then do what a bloke with a bladder about to burst normally does. Morning came and I went. The 'door' was a dressing table of some sort and the carpet was wet. It seems that I shut the door too. Needless to say, even though I had to pop back to to the same town and bank branch, I changed my accommodation.

H. Pedersen · Post by **H. Pedersen** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:08 am

Tequila.

CrazyHorse · Post by **CrazyHorse** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:21 am

CAPSLOCK wrote:Standing on an upturned plug as you stagger to the bog, leathered, at 4 in the morning

Close thread

This. And this again.
Wife dries her hair sat on my side of the bed and always manages to leave the hairdryer plug arranged on the floor like some sick Scooby-trap. And then somehow I'm an inconsiderate wanker for waking her up with my screams.

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:22 am

There's nothing worse than those bloody fruit and herbal teas that are supposedly good for you. They taste like you're drinking your Garden

Worthy4England · Post by **Worthy4England** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:33 am

Manchester United fans who've never been within 20 miles of Old Trafford.

CrazyHorse · Post by **CrazyHorse** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:02 am

H. Pedersen wrote:Tequila.

It makes me happy.

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:29 am

CrazyHorse wrote:
CAPSLOCK wrote:Standing on an upturned plug as you stagger to the bog, leathered, at 4 in the morning

Close thread
This. And this again.
Wife dries her hair sat on my side of the bed and always manages to leave the hairdryer plug arranged on the floor like some sick Scooby-trap. And then somehow I'm an inconsiderate wanker for waking her up with my screams.

Cut her hair in the night.

It'll save her hours of tedious washing & drying, a fortune at the hairdressers .... and stop her losing sleep due to your inconsiderate screams.

She'll thank you in the end.

There, ever helpful. That's me !!

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