Joke thread

[Lofthouse Lower]

I like to do it in a morning when heading up the stairs (good exercise), just to annoy all the lazy buggers who use the lifts

I don't suppose you work on the thirtieth floor or consider some of the people you are annoying are mobility impaired. Still whatever rings your chimes as they say.

I work on floor 2 of 4, hardly a skyscraper! Like I said....lazy buggers

[thebish]

I like to do it in a morning when heading up the stairs (good exercise), just to annoy all the lazy buggers who use the lifts

I don't suppose you work on the thirtieth floor or consider some of the people you are annoying are mobility impaired. Still whatever rings your chimes as they say.

I work on floor 2 of 4, hardly a skyscraper! Like I said....lazy buggers

errr.... joke thread?

[Lofthouse Lower]

OK.

I found my dyslexic mate covering his cock in boot polish at 1am yesterday morning.

I said "You idiot, I said you were supposed to turn your clock back!"

[CrazyHorse]

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, what the camel was for.

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The Captain said, "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel.

As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town"

[BWFC_Wyles]

The Police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.
The officer said, "Is this your wife, Sir?"
Shocked I answered, "Yes it is!"
He said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I replied, "I know, but she has a lovely personality!"

[BWFC_Wyles]

My racing snail isn't winning races anymore. I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. Unfortunately, it didn't work! If anything, it made him more sluggish.

[Il Pirate]

My racing snail isn't winning races anymore. I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. Unfortunately, it didn't work! If anything, it made him more sluggish.

And I don't know why,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[HMX]

I also laughed, and told my housemates - it's awful but funny.

[jaffka]

What happens when you fingerbang a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

[Il Pirate]

What happens when you fingerbang a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

Are you 11 ??

[General Mannerheim]

What happens when you fingerbang a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

Are you 11 ??

made me chuckle!

[seanworth]

What happens when you fingerbang a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

Are you 11 ??

made me chuckle!

Me too.

[jaffka]

What happens when you fingerbang a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

Are you 11 ??

no and

[General Mannerheim]

dosent work

[Montreal Wanderer]

dosent work

I don't get it Not the General's most amusing joke IMHO.

[General Mannerheim]

that worked, but been trying to post a joke in but it kept crashing!

[thebish]

that worked, but been trying to post a joke in but it kept crashing!

that's because the update installed a rubbish joke filter...

[thebish]

what? too early for Bernard Matthews jokes??

courtesy of fb-fanatic AK..

Bernard Matthew's cremation will be next week.......on gas mark 6 for 3 hours......

Bernard Matthews Funeral is to be an open tray affair..he will be arranged with his legs shoved up his arse and his giblets put in a polythene bag....

Rumour has it that James Blunt will perform at Bernard Matthews funeral.....details are currently unclear about which song he'll sing....

[General Mannerheim]

I was recieving jokes before I heard the news! Still not heard a funny one yet though.

[TANGODANCER]

Came home to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone. What sort of sicko does that to somebody's Advent Calender?