Joke thread

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 7:52 am

jaffka wrote:I organized a threesome last night.

There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a great time.

Andy Waller · Post by **Andy Waller** » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:14 am

I chatted up a dyslexic Mexican girl the other night,

She said "Get your taco, you've pulled."

davroduk · Post by **davroduk** » Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:43 pm

Andy Waller wrote:I chatted up a dyslexic Mexican girl the other night,

She said "Get your taco, you've pulled."

OMG no !!!!!!

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Mon Sep 29, 2014 4:27 pm

For some reason I found today's Hagar the Horrible funny: They were eating a camp-fire meal and:

"There's a certain irony in this meal!"
"Why, what's in it?"
"Vulture"..

thebish · Post by **thebish** » Mon Sep 29, 2014 5:20 pm

jaffka · Post by **jaffka** » Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:28 pm

I threw a surprise bukkake party for my girlfriend last night.

You should've seen her face.

Hoboh · Post by **Hoboh** » Mon Sep 29, 2014 10:16 pm

jaffka wrote:I threw a surprise bukkake party for my girlfriend last night.

You should've seen her face.

Yuk!

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:06 am

jaffka wrote:I threw a surprise bukkake party for my girlfriend last night.

You should've seen her face.

ha. that reminds me, i didnt know what it was but kindda laughed anyway when my mate mentioned a Kentucky Klondike Bar in the pub the other night - wasnt laughing when i googled it

CrazyHorse · Post by **CrazyHorse** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 12:06 pm

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide....

Andy Waller · Post by **Andy Waller** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 9:52 am

How about the dyslexic Yorkshireman who was walking around with a cat flap on his head?

Beefheart · Post by **Beefheart** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 10:11 am

I don't get those dyslexia jokes. I mean, maybe he can't read very well but I doubt his condition would be so severe to confuse a hat and a cat flap. If he's wearing a cat flap on his head this is probably a sign of some severe mental illness, rather than dyslexia.

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 10:19 am

Beefheart wrote:I don't get those dyslexia jokes. I mean, maybe he can't read very well but I doubt his condition would be so severe to confuse a hat and a cat flap. If he's wearing a cat flap on his head this is probably a sign of some severe mental illness, rather than dyslexia.

I think .... & now, I could be wrong here Beefy, so apologies if I am .... but I think that's why they're called 'jokes'.

Montreal Wanderer · Post by **Montreal Wanderer** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 4:27 pm

Beefheart wrote:I don't get those dyslexia jokes. I mean, maybe he can't read very well but I doubt his condition would be so severe to confuse a hat and a cat flap. If he's wearing a cat flap on his head this is probably a sign of some severe mental illness, rather than dyslexia.

I think it is a spoonerism joke rather than a dyslexia one.

Gary the Enfield · Post by **Gary the Enfield** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:49 pm

Montreal Wanderer wrote:
Beefheart wrote:I don't get those dyslexia jokes. I mean, maybe he can't read very well but I doubt his condition would be so severe to confuse a hat and a cat flap. If he's wearing a cat flap on his head this is probably a sign of some severe mental illness, rather than dyslexia.
I think it is a spoonerism joke rather than a dyslexia one.

Shining wit?

thebish · Post by **thebish** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:52 pm

three cheers for our queer old dean!

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 9:07 am

Gary the Enfield wrote:
Montreal Wanderer wrote:
Beefheart wrote:I don't get those dyslexia jokes. I mean, maybe he can't read very well but I doubt his condition would be so severe to confuse a hat and a cat flap. If he's wearing a cat flap on his head this is probably a sign of some severe mental illness, rather than dyslexia.
I think it is a spoonerism joke rather than a dyslexia one.

Shining wit?

Bravo.

thebish · Post by **thebish** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 9:40 am

Andy Waller · Post by **Andy Waller** » Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:21 pm

I've just bought a bottle of HP sauce.

I'm paying it off at 3p a week for the next 4 years.

jaffka · Post by **jaffka** » Thu Oct 09, 2014 7:11 pm

A bra and a pair of jumper cables walk into a bar.

The bra asks the barman for a beer.

The barman says no.

The bra asks why.

The barman says "Cause you're off ya tits and your mates look like they're gonna start something."

jaffka · Post by **jaffka** » Mon Oct 13, 2014 2:54 pm

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.

"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit--she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

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