Joke thread

[thebish]

hahahah!

[LeverEnd]

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.

Should have put it on aloha setting.

[bobo the clown]

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.

Should have put it on aloha setting.

... or taken the fckg pineapple off !

[Burnden Paddock]

I was sitting on the edge of the bed last night, and as I was gently pulling off my boxers, the wife said "you spoil those dogs..."

[LeverEnd]

I was sitting on the edge of the bed last night, and as I was gently pulling off my boxers, the wife said "you spoil those dogs..."

[Enoch]

A pork pie walks into a boozer and says to the landlord, "Pint please."

Landlord says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve food in here."

[Andy Waller]

A toothless termite walks into a pub and asks:

"Is the bar tender here?"

[Andy Waller]

A fella gets on a plane with two dead badgers under his arm.

The stewardess says "I'm sorry sir but we only allow each passenger one item of carrion..."

[LeverEnd]

Smashing!

[Andy Waller]

...

[Burnden Paddock]

I was sacked today due to my obsession with the high jump.

On the plus side, I cleared my desk on the way out!

[thebish]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".

One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!

[Enoch]

Marriage, like a tornado.

At first its just blowing and sucking ...

... then you loose your house

[Enoch]

WHSmith had 1/3rd off all books.

I got a copy of The Lion and The Witch.

[clapton is god]

"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Tesco Store."

"How long has this been happening?"

"Ever since I was Lidl."

[General Mannerheim]

I bought my missus a fridge for Christmas last year.

You should've seen her little face light up when she opened it.

[TANGODANCER]

WHSmith had 1/3rd off all books. I got a copy of The Lion and The Witch.

Like that...

[Burnden Paddock]

I accidentally wrote my name twice on the National Innuendo Championship entry form. I'm just going to rub one out.

[thebish]

[Gary the Enfield]

This is very much like a lot of threads on here.