Names

[Dave Sutton's barnet]

So, it now seems to be established (and is backed up by a Doutchwoman of my acquaintance) that Dirk Kuyt is pronounced DurruhKowt. This seems to mean that we should refer to Johan Crowf, but that's by the by. More importantly, Kowt's dad is a fisherman called Gerrit. Gerrit Kowt. Great name for a fisherman.

Oh and his old coach at Utrecht was called Foeke Booy.

[Zulus Thousand of em]

Many years ago I stayed with a family for two weeks just outside Haarlem in Holland. It used to crack me up everytime the mother of the house used to put food on the table and say, "Ayt it oop!" in what sounded like a broad Bowton accent.

I wonder how they spell it?

[blurred]

Indeed, it's almost like Dirik Kowt, although we English are fairly pants when it comes to pronouncing these tricky Dutch names.

And yeah, have to love Foeke Booy - had a good old chuckle when I read up about his old club. Possibly my favourite manager name of all time, alongside Wolfsburg's old manager Wolfgang Wolf.

[thebish]

I resisted it back then - but now you've set me off...

a few weeks ago, as I drove home from Walthamstow down the A12, I was listening to the end of a couple of champions league games and chuckling to myself (childishly) at the sheer number of players who are named after poo...

there were three mentioned who were all playing that night.

now I can't remember who they were - but pretty soon a longer list was forming in my mind..

kaka, dudu, job, shittu,

I tried to imagine a totally "shit" team - but had to cheat by adding in Dean Wind-ass and Nicky Butt

you could probably get an entire "shitty/nob-gag" team, though... would be great to commentate on...

[Dave Sutton's barnet]

I resisted it back then - but now you've set me off...

a few weeks ago, as I drove home from Walthamstow down the A12, I was listening to the end of a couple of champions league games and chuckling to myself (childishly) at the sheer number of players who are named after poo...
there were three mentioned who were all playing that night.
now I can't remember who they were - but pretty soon a longer list was forming in my mind..
kaka, dudu, job, shittu,
I tried to imagine a totally "shit" team - but had to cheat by adding in Dean Wind-ass and Nicky Butt
you could probably get an entire "shitty/nob-gag" team, though... would be great to commentate on...

College friend of mine from Scarborough couldn't believe Liverpool had a player called Babb - their local word for a turd.
You could also include Andy Todd.

[TANGODANCER]

Used to work with a Dutchman called Frederik Sheite. It's the truth.

[thebish]

You could also include Andy Todd.

pronounced (in a Hull accent) Andy Turd??

I'm off for a Todd...

[Gertie]

I resisted it back then - but now you've set me off...

a few weeks ago, as I drove home from Walthamstow down the A12, I was listening to the end of a couple of champions league games and chuckling to myself (childishly) at the sheer number of players who are named after poo...

there were three mentioned who were all playing that night.

now I can't remember who they were - but pretty soon a longer list was forming in my mind..

kaka, dudu, job, shittu,

I tried to imagine a totally "shit" team - but had to cheat by adding in Dean Wind-ass and Nicky Butt

you could probably get an entire "shitty/nob-gag" team, though... would be great to commentate on...

Commentators used to love it at City when they coulds say "and it's Wanchope and Dickov up front"

[Dave Sutton's barnet]

You could also include Andy Todd.

pronounced (in a Hull accent) Andy Turd??

I'm off for a Todd...

You've heard of todd as a synonym for turd, innit?

[thebish]

No - Todd's a new one on me!! But it is now added to my popular lexicon!

but isn't the internet educational?? 133 poo-euphemisms! how would your great-grandad ever have accumulated such knowledge??

1. Bake a brownie
2. Bake a loaf
3. Bake a potato
4. Bake a russet
5. Barbarians at the gate
6. Big brown man knocking on the back door
7. Blow Mud
8. Bomb the Bowl
9. Build a dookie castle
10. Carpet bombing
11. Choke a brownie
12. Choke a darkie
13. Chop a log
14. Commit yourself to the dumpatorium
15. Conduct a movement
16. Cook a brown carrot
17. Cook a brown kielbasa
18. Cook a butt burrito
19. Cook a meat loaf in the porcelain saucepan
20. Cook some chocolate
21. Cook some fudge
22. Cook some sausage
23. Cook up a pot of anal stew
24. Crap
25. Curl some pipe
26. Debulk
27. Defecate
28. Disembowel
29. Disemfiber
30. Do the Royal Squat
31. Doo-doo
32. Download some brownware
33. Draw mud
34. Drill for mud bunnies
35. Drop
36. Drop Loggy Log
37. Drop Smokies (when camping in the winter)
38. Drop a bomb
39. Drop a brown trout
40. Drop a deuce
41. Drop a dookie
42. Drop a load
43. Drop a log
44. Drop a stool
45. Drop anchor
46. Drop the kids off at the lake
47. Drop wolf bait
48. Drop your ordinance
49. Dump
50. Dump a stump
51. Enjoy a meatball sandwich
52. Evacuate
53. Fill the peanut butter jar
54. Float a trout
55. Give birth to a Marine
56. Give birth to a packy
57. Go Fecen'
58. Go into labor
59. Grow a Tail
60. Hatch a new boss
61. Hatch a new superintendent
62. Have a shit
63. Heave a Havana
64. Hit paydirt
65. Launch a Butt Shuttle
66. Launch a torpedo
67. Lay a brick
68. Lay a cable
69. Lay a log
70. Lay some cable
71. Load the crapper
72. Log out
73. Make a core dump
74. Make a delivery
75. Make a deposit
76. Make a deposit at the porcelain bank
77. Make a doo-doo
78. Make a log entry
79. Make grunt sculpture
80. Make mud
81. Make room for lunch
82. Make some fertilizer
83. Offload some freight
84. Pack your underwear
85. Paint the bowl (especially for a really wet one)
86. Paint with the brown stuff
87. Park some bark
88. Park your breakfast
89. People who like sausages shouldn't see how they're made!!
90. Pinch a loaf
91. Plant some corn
92. Play at the Toilet Bowl
93. Poke the turtle's head out
94. Poop
95. Punish the porcelain
96. Put fruit in the bowl
97. Recycle fiber
98. Release your payload
99. Ride the hoop
100. Roll a Nut Log
101. Roll a log
102. Saw off a log
103. Seek revenge for the Brown Bomber
104. Shake a brown bomber
105. Shit
106. Sink a link
107. Sink a sausage
108. Sink the Bismark
109. Sit on the bowl
110. Sit on the can
111. Sit on the throne
112. Sjvsdtta en barkbet (in Sweden)
113. Snap a log
114. Spray and wipe
115. Squat
116. Squeeze a coily
117. Squeeze a loaf
118. Squeeze one out
119. Squeeze the cheese
120. Stain the porcelain
121. Study at the Library
122. Taint the cloth
123. Take a "Schroeder" (or insert another familiar name)
124. Take a Doogie
125. Take a dump
126. Take a growler
127. Take a load off your mind
128. Take a shit
129. Take a steamer
130. Test the plumbing
131. Visit the toilet for a poo-poo
132. Void your bowels
133. Zap the porcelain

[Dave Sutton's barnet]

Blimey!

Not to pick, but you need synonyms for the noun, not the verb...

[communistworkethic]

weighing anchor in Poo Bay

[Dave Sutton's barnet]

A useful health indicator is to ask the recently-voided "cable-laying or crop-spraying"?

[communistworkethic]

and "have a plop"

[Batman]

Seeing the lads off to France

[thebish]

Blimey!

Not to pick, but you need synonyms for the noun, not the verb...

for my poo-team I do, but the list was inspired by the phrase "go for a Todd" - I was listing some euphemisms for that phrase.

(however - I think people should bear this in mind for your grammar and spelling category in the smackdown - anything short of a 10 for DSB would be a scandal!!)

so far - I like Batman's "seeing the lads off to France" - that is now added to the lexicon!

In our house the accepted euphemism is "I'm off to learn some Italian"

this is because we went to an Italian restaurant once where they played Italian language tapes in the bogs.. the kids use it all the time and think it is hilarious...

[Montreal Wanderer]

and "have a plop"

My son, watching a British comedy, found "squirt a bertie" amusing.

[malcd1]

My 7 year old daughters favourite joke is.

Q. Why did the bakers hands smell.

A. Because he needed a poo.



Get it kneaded

[americantrotter]

bum like a cherry!

best expression ever.

[warthog]

My 7 year old daughters favourite joke is.

Q. Why did the bakers hands smell.

A. Because he needed a poo.



Get it kneaded

If your excrement is of such a consistency that it can be needed, I'd suspect you have servere gastro-intestinal problems.