Joke thread
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- Montreal Wanderer
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Re: Joke thread
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Re: Joke thread
Oh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.Montreal Wanderer wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pmMy source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
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- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
They all do the rounds. Except Prufrock's. He composes them
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
Twitter:@shitjokesLeverEnd wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:18 pmOh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.Montreal Wanderer wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pmMy source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
I quite liked it. I've refrained from republishing it though... Don't know how many copyright infringements I'm facing in court still.boltonboris wrote: ↑Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:30 pmTwitter:@shitjokesLeverEnd wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:18 pmOh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.Montreal Wanderer wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pmMy source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
“Welcome, Count Dracula. Before we start, would you like a small aperitif?”
“No, I think mine are just the right size"
“No, I think mine are just the right size"
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Re: Joke thread
The receptionist at the sperm clinic asked if I would like to masturbate in the cup. I said "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready for competition!"
- Bruce Rioja
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Re: Joke thread
My missus told me I had to stop singing 'I'm A Believer' because it was doing her head in. I laughed because I thought she was joking...
...and then I saw her face.
...and then I saw her face.
May the bridges I burn light your way
Re: Joke thread
I married my best friend yesterday. Massive administrative f*ck up.
'Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.'
- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
Do you know that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween!
I guess they don't appreciate random strangers knocking on their doors.
I guess they don't appreciate random strangers knocking on their doors.
That's not a leopard!
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- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
My mate thinks he's a smart arse. He argued with me that the only food that can make you cry is an onion.
He thought differently when I twatted him with a coconut.
He thought differently when I twatted him with a coconut.
That's not a leopard!
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- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
[as quoted in the Times, attributed to Alex Magaisa, regarding the overthrow of Mugabe]
"This could be called the end of an error"
"This could be called the end of an error"
That's not a leopard!
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- TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
Bloke reverses down his mother-in-law's drive, hears a squeal and a bump, and jumping out finds he's flattened her poodle.
"Oh shxt, she'll go bananas, what am I going to tell her and the wife?"
Wanders off, head in hands. Flash of light, loud bang and a Genie appears in a cloud of smoke.
" Hello, I've come to tell you you have a wish you've never claimed. Ask me for anything just once, and I'll make it happen!"
Bloke in a panic, and not thinking straight says..
" Bring that dog back to life and save mine...please, please..."
Genie hesitates and shakes his head sadly.
"Can't do that, we don't mess with things like that, but hey, you, can still have that wish. Anything at all!
Bloke looks around and sees his wife arriving.
Okay then, see that woman, she's my wife. Turn her into a combination of Liz Taylor and Sophia Loren and I'll be delighted. That's my wish
The Genie studies the woman carefully for a minute....then...
"Let's go and have another look at that poodle..."
"Oh shxt, she'll go bananas, what am I going to tell her and the wife?"
Wanders off, head in hands. Flash of light, loud bang and a Genie appears in a cloud of smoke.
" Hello, I've come to tell you you have a wish you've never claimed. Ask me for anything just once, and I'll make it happen!"
Bloke in a panic, and not thinking straight says..
" Bring that dog back to life and save mine...please, please..."
Genie hesitates and shakes his head sadly.
"Can't do that, we don't mess with things like that, but hey, you, can still have that wish. Anything at all!
Bloke looks around and sees his wife arriving.
Okay then, see that woman, she's my wife. Turn her into a combination of Liz Taylor and Sophia Loren and I'll be delighted. That's my wish
The Genie studies the woman carefully for a minute....then...
"Let's go and have another look at that poodle..."
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
- TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
I just coverred my bathroom wall in poems. Is that versatile?
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
Re: Joke thread
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means, it's not the end of the world.
Re: Joke thread
When my kleptomania gets bad I just take something for it.
- Bruce Rioja
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Re: Joke thread
Mate of mine reckons his dog retrieved a stick from over half a mile away. Sounds a bit far fetched.
May the bridges I burn light your way
Re: Joke thread
Why is a paddling pool different to a swimming pool?
.
Deepends...
.
Deepends...
Re: Joke thread
Thanks a lot to the f*cker that stole my antidepressants.
I hope you're happy now!!
I hope you're happy now!!
- TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
What was the first Scotsman called?............McAdam...
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
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