West Ham are complete failures! Let's all laugh at 'em!

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:53 pm

Now Liverpool are in the lead. Good evening all round thus far.

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:56 pm

From BBC site.
2005: Comedy is so far the only winner at Upton Park, as Rafa Benitez makes a meal of trying to get the ball back into play and ends up sliding on to his backside, much to the general merriment of the on-looking eastenders.

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:57 pm

I wasn't sure who I wanted to win in this one until a cockle-warming bout of schadenfreude set in 10 seconds into the second half!

James B · Post by **James B** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:59 pm

2-0 now, cracker from crouch

curbs >

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:02 pm

James B wrote:2-0 now, cracker from crouch

curbs >

Wasn't it nice?!

Has anyone ever pointed out that Peter Crouch actually has good feet for a big lot?

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:07 pm

Interesting to hear the end of match comments from Curbs. Poor bastard, never stood a chance.

knobpolisher · Post by **knobpolisher** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:17 pm

The Deck Of Cards with apologies to T Texas Tyler who did the original

During the North African Campaign, a bunch of Cockernee Soldier boys had been on a long hike. They arrived in a little town called Casino. The next morning being Sunday, several of the boys went to church. A sergeant commanded the boys in church.
After the Chaplain read the prayer, the text was taken up next. Those of the boys that had a prayer book took them out. One boy had only a deck of cards, and he spread them out. The sergeant saw the cards and said, "Soldier, put away those cards." After the service was over, the soldier was taken prisoner and brought before the Provost Marshal.
The Marshal said, "Sergeant, why have you brought this man here?"
"For playing cards in church, Sir," was the response.
The Marshal asked the soldier, "And what have you to say for yourself, son?"
"Much, Sir," replied the soldier.
The Marshal stated, "I hope so, for if not I will punish you more than any man was ever punished. You will be forced to watch endless replays of JJ scoring against the Spammers and Joke Cole in tears."
The soldier said, "Sir, we have been in the Premiership for 18 months. I have neither Sky nor the Internet streaming but I hope to satisfy you, sir, with the purity of my intentions." And with that, the boy started his story ...
"You see, sir, when I look at the Ace, it reminds that we were one minute away from winning the FA cup last year.
And the deuce reminds me that them Northern monkeys scored two against us in the 1923 final.
When I see the trey, I think of the fact that the oldest man in football Gary Speed had a hand in three of the goals against us in December.
And when I see the four, I think of the four goals they eventually scored that day.
And when I see the five, it reminds me of the 5th May when we play the Northern Monkeys again and they will surely send us down.
When I see the six, it reminds me that in six days God made this heaven and earth.then allowed them Reading Bastards to put six past us on new years day - Festive felicitations.
And when I see the seven, it reminds me that on the seventh day, God rested from his great work and the current squad take their rest day every Saturday.
And when I see the eight, I think of the eight league games we have gone without a win since beating the Manc Scum in December
And when I see the nine, I think of the nine players who jumped ship in 2003 when we went down - Bastards.
When I see the ten, I think of great Sir Geoff Hurst and Sir Trevor who wore the number with pride.
When I see the King, it reminds me that there is but one King of Heaven, Bobby Moore - should never have been allowed to leave.
And when I see the Queen, I think of Joe Cole bawling his eyes out.
And the Jack or Knave is the Devil aka Sam Allardyce.

And the Marshall turned to him and said “My Son you are going down I said you are going down.”

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:21 pm

cowdrill · Post by **cowdrill** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 10:38 pm

nice one scousers

very nice one

keveh · Post by **keveh** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 10:51 pm

I hope they buy Bent for £18mil

Crouch > Davies · Post by **Crouch > Davies** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:19 am

West Ham are absolutely dreadful. The midfield is ok and the attack is ok, it's just the defence and the goalkeeper. In Pardew's last match in charge at Bolton I remember saying something like "You just cannot defend like that if you want to stay in this league."

And NOTHING has changed. The goalkeeper is possibly the worst in the Premiership. He wasn't at fault for either of the two excellent goals tonight but a clown like that just does not inspire confidence. Davenport and Dailly don't look up to a relegation fight at all either. McCartney and Spector aren't world beaters either. I would say the central pairing and the abysmal goalkeeper are the three most worrying things.

A lot of players are off form, such as Benayoun, who was excellent last season, but confidence will improve that. But where is the confidence going to come from? With the fans already jeering the new manager (I don't profess to particularly like him but I respect him and I feel sorry for him) and getting on the team's back it's just not looking good, it's looking doomed in fact. They even had to be 5 yards offside to score. How on earth was that missed????

More importantly, we scored two excellent goals today but other than that we were pretty dreadful, and we almost played ourselves into a position where we were hanging on. They were two super goals, although the defence needs to be looked at for both, especially the first, but we were pretty uninspiring really.We should have gone for it and we didn't really push on at 2-0. West Ham were there for the taking tonight.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:28 am

If only Liverpool started playing in August instead of January...........

mummywhycantieatcrayons · Post by **mummywhycantieatcrayons** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:32 am

Feck me, let's not get silly. We surely wanted Liverpool to lose tonight..?

Montreal Wanderer · Post by **Montreal Wanderer** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:34 am

mummywhycantieatcrayons wrote:Feck me, let's not get silly. We surely wanted Liverpool to lose tonight..?

We were ambivalent I'm afraid. However, I liked the 0-0 tie with Portsmouth.

mummywhycantieatcrayons · Post by **mummywhycantieatcrayons** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:06 am

Montreal Wanderer wrote:
mummywhycantieatcrayons wrote:Feck me, let's not get silly. We surely wanted Liverpool to lose tonight..?
We were ambivaslent I'm afraid. However, I liked the 0-0 tie with Portsmouth.

Whilst it is quite amusing to observe West Ham's plight from the upper reaches of the table, the fact remains that Liverpool are our direct rivals. Competition with direct rivals has to be more important than slightly petty schadenfreude regarding teams nowhere near us in the table. If Liverpool had lost tonight, they would only have been 6 points ahead of us, having played a game more. As it is, they're 9 points ahead of us now, and ambivalence towards that doesn't seem to be grounded in any good sense at all, if we are serious about striving for a Champions' League spot.

InsaneApache · Post by **InsaneApache** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:41 am

Nice wind up.

H. Pedersen · Post by **H. Pedersen** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 3:01 am

mummywhycantieatcrayons wrote:
Montreal Wanderer wrote:
mummywhycantieatcrayons wrote:Feck me, let's not get silly. We surely wanted Liverpool to lose tonight..?
We were ambivaslent I'm afraid. However, I liked the 0-0 tie with Portsmouth.
Whilst it is quite amusing to observe West Ham's plight from the upper reaches of the table, the fact remains that Liverpool are our direct rivals. Competition with direct rivals has to be more important than slightly petty schadenfreude regarding teams nowhere near us in the table. If Liverpool had lost tonight, they would only have been 6 points ahead of us, having played a game more. As it is, they're 9 points ahead of us now, and ambivalence towards that doesn't seem to be grounded in any good sense at all, if we are serious about striving for a Champions' League spot.

Honestly, I don't want the Champions League spot. We won't progress to the group stages because UEFA will rig the draw again and put us against a strong team in qualifying, exactly as they did to Everton. I don't think we'll be able to use the CL to attract huge improvements to the squad (Everton didn't). We'll also have to start the season early, and we don't have anywhere near the depth required for that. Bad starts in Europe have led to very bad starts in the league for West Ham and Everton in the past. I just don't think we're ready. I would be happy with UEFA Cup.

Conversely, West Ham have signed a bunch of players to try and stay up; if they go down those are a bunch of players who will be available at cut-price rates. Reo-Coker is our most obvious target, but we wouldn't do badly taking a look at Spector, Boa Morte, or Ashton. Not Benayoun though.

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 7:04 am

H. Pedersen wrote:Honestly, I don't want the Champions League spot. We won't progress to the group stages because UEFA will rig the draw again and put us against a strong team in qualifying, exactly as they did to Everton.

Back this up. Come on. I'm still waiting for you to add some substance to your claim that FIFA rigged the World Cup draw, something you seem completely unable to do.

Zulus Thousand of em · Post by **Zulus Thousand of em** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 7:06 am

Spector and Boa Morte (bad attitude) are both bobbins. The others are a good shout though.

Zulus Thousand of em · Post by **Zulus Thousand of em** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 7:08 am

Anyway, back on thread. Here are the finest football fans in the league (yes, the ones who chant "We want our money back.") debating the future of the latest Alan.

Enjoy it, with a nice cup of tea.

http://www.kumb.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78818

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West Ham are complete failures! Let's all laugh at 'em!

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