West Ham are complete failures! Let's all laugh at 'em!

blurred · Post by **blurred** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:45 pm

I wonder, did Athers enjoy his brief spell in a West Ham boozer last night?

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:36 pm

mummywhycantieatcrayons wrote:Feck me, let's not get silly. We surely wanted Liverpool to lose tonight..?

Since top six is our target, the more teams the top four beat, the better for us surely? A win tonight put us five points clear of the nearest rival. Let thee top four keep beating everyone and we'll get top six no bother.

Montreal Wanderer · Post by **Montreal Wanderer** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:49 pm

Zulus! Thousand of 'em! wrote:Anyway, back on thread. Here are the finest football fans in the league (yes, the ones who chant "We want our money back.") debating the future of the latest Alan.

Enjoy it, with a nice cup of tea.

http://www.kumb.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=78818

I 'm sure mental health experts would find this a fascinating study in manic depression - hopeless optimism followed by suicidal depression. I did like the chap who put what Curbs was supposed to do in perpsective with the analogy that when you are knee-deep in alligators it is sometimes hard to remember you came to drain the swamp (or something - I'm relying on memory).

Codo_BWFC · Post by **Codo_BWFC** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:06 pm

i wud have bitten West Hams bloody hands off for someone like Darren Bent

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army · Post by **Soldier_Of_The_White_Army** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:16 pm

Just found this on the net:

West Ham TABLECLOTHS - Suitable for any occasion but tend to slip down the table after a short time - £4:99

West Ham VIDEOS - All the highlights from the last 20 years action. This 10 min video, including lots of re-runs, is a perfect gift for any fan £9:99

West Ham BANNERS - Come complete with interchangeable slogans Eg:- "Roeder OUT", "Redknapp OUT", "LET ME OUT" etc.. £15:00

"OUR LITTLE HERO" KEYRINGS - Come complete with model of Billy Bonds (Our Hero) attached. - £0.50p each.

West Ham JOKE BOOK - A MUST for all fans. This 900 page book is full of all the best jokes ever told about the club. - £25:00

West Ham C0NDOMS - Come in sizes from "Little Hero" to "BIG Dowie". Ideal for the pricks in the Bobby Moore Stand. - £0:75p for life-times supply. (3)

West Ham BRA - One for the ladies. This bra, in team colours, comes with good support but no cups- £14:99

West Ham 'LADIES' TOWELS - The 'Freddie Kanoute' sanitary towel, complete with instructions, "In for a week, Out for a month". - £1:00 each

KEEPER'S GLOVE - A must for any fans at the back of the stand, or near the corner flags to catch any shots the lads may have at goal. £8:99

LEAGUE DIRECTORY - An item for the more discerning fan. This quality publication gives detailed directions to every 'Nationwide' League Ground in the country. A snip at just £25:00

West Ham LIPSTICK - Ideal for kissing goodbye. (To the Premier League, as worn by the players) £0:99p each

BARGAIN BASEMENT - Don't miss the annual clearance sale of players. These come in all ages, (many are free of charge, spares or repairs)

blurred · Post by **blurred** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:19 pm

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army wrote:Just found this on the net:

Did you find it in Muse's post on page 20 of the Joke Thread?

Muse wrote:West Ham January Sale!

FOR SALE:

West Ham TABLECLOTHS - Suitable for any occasion but tend to slip down the table after a short time - £4:99....

etc, etc

Crouch > Davies · Post by **Crouch > Davies** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 3:13 pm

Zulus! Thousand of 'em! wrote:Spector and Boa Morte (bad attitude) are both bobbins. The others are a good shout though.

I've yet to, ever, see the appeal of Luis Boa Morte.

James B · Post by **James B** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:50 pm

splashed 6m on upson

they really are a bigger joke than ever if they don't manage to stay up after the money they've thrown about this transfer window compared to the other teams around them

H. Pedersen · Post by **H. Pedersen** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 7:34 pm

James B wrote:splashed 6m on upson

they really are a bigger joke than ever if they don't manage to stay up after the money they've thrown about this transfer window compared to the other teams around them

Shows that they clearly viewed Davenport as a long-term prospect

Reminds me of when Newcastle dumped £10 million on Luque, only to keep him on the bench when they paid an even more ridiculous fee for Michael Owen. Say what you want about Sam's caution in the transfer window, at least he doesn't buy one player only to buy a better player a week later.

Zulus Thousand of em · Post by **Zulus Thousand of em** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 11:03 pm

Paranoia from the KUMB muppets

Bolton fans would go as far as losing tonight help our rivals for the drop, they really do hate us, still confuses me.

it comes from 3 years ago, fat sam 'every one wants us to go down and not west ham... its so unfair!!''....... W*nker!!

Not just that fat c*nt Sam...many others would like to see us off for next season (because of our new found riches) I sense a stitch up
Watch this theme gain momentum in the coming weeks.

Nozza · Post by **Nozza** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 1:08 am

H. Pedersen wrote:
James B wrote:splashed 6m on upson

they really are a bigger joke than ever if they don't manage to stay up after the money they've thrown about this transfer window compared to the other teams around them
Shows that they clearly viewed Davenport as a long-term prospect

Reminds me of when Newcastle dumped £10 million on Luque, only to keep him on the bench when they paid an even more ridiculous fee for Michael Owen. Say what you want about Sam's caution in the transfer window, at least he doesn't buy one player only to buy a better player a week later.

Class piece of business.

As an aside: When Keyring Dyers contract with them up the rerd expires, they will have paid him £10.5 MILLION. Long live Dyer.

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:51 am

TANGODANCER wrote:
mummywhycantieatcrayons wrote:Feck me, let's not get silly. We surely wanted Liverpool to lose tonight..?
Since top six is our target, the more teams the top four beat, the better for us surely? A win tonight put us five points clear of the nearest rival. Let thee top four keep beating everyone and we'll get top six no bother.

and you say that after last night's performance???

The top 4 can do what they want but if we keep playing like that we'll be lucky to finish top 10.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:45 am

communistworkethic wrote:
TANGODANCER wrote:
mummywhycantieatcrayons wrote:Feck me, let's not get silly. We surely wanted Liverpool to lose tonight..?
Since top six is our target, the more teams the top four beat, the better for us surely? A win tonight put us five points clear of the nearest rival. Let thee top four keep beating everyone and we'll get top six no bother.
and you say that after last night's performance???

The top 4 can do what they want but if we keep playing like that we'll be lucky to finish top 10.

No, I said it before last night's performance.

I'm still willing to keep the faith though. 65% posession, ten corners to nil, Lord knows how many missed chances (but with no strikers in the game) and one mistake from a normally brilliant goalie who's saved us time and time again. Yeah, I'll keep the faith.

Oh, and playing on a skid pan in the pxxxxxg rain.

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 10:49 am

"Lord knows how many chances"?? Well being omniscient, I would hope so, but it doesn't take the Almighty to know we actually created 3 clear chances, only 2 of which we on target and one we score and the other the keeper saved in slow-mo.

P*ssing rain? Damp but not a downpour.

Possession ? Leave it to demons, we need goals.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:41 am

communistworkethic wrote:"Lord knows how many chances"?? Well being omniscient, I would hope so, but it doesn't take the Almighty to know we actually created 3 clear chances, only 2 of which we on target and one we score and the other the keeper saved in slow-mo.

P*ssing rain? Damp but not a downpour.

Possession ? Leave it to demons, we need goals.

Omniscient? Thought you were "omnipotent"

mummywhycantieatcrayons · Post by **mummywhycantieatcrayons** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:47 am

TANGODANCER wrote:
mummywhycantieatcrayons wrote:Feck me, let's not get silly. We surely wanted Liverpool to lose tonight..?
Since top six is our target, the more teams the top four beat, the better for us surely? A win tonight put us five points clear of the nearest rival. Let thee top four keep beating everyone and we'll get top six no bother.

The players themselves have been saying that Champions League football is the ultimate ambition of the Club this season, so maybe they have (had?) a different target.

West Ham are an irrelevance - we wanted Liverpool to lose.

But it all seems irrelevant based on how we're playing at the moment.

Daxter · Post by **Daxter** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:50 am

Upson for £7.5 million what a waiste. We have Faye, Meite and Ben Haim who are all better and they cost us £2.75 million

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:54 am

At this moment in time, Champions League is pure pipe-dream. We are just not good enough (or rich enough) to aspire to such grandeur. Champs League teams have to be consistenly good enough to challenge anyone. Much as I love the Whites, only a daydreamer would see us in that bracket. We fight, scramble and sometimes show pure class in our games (I emphasise "sometimes") but that's realistically it. To six again, maybe fifth, is realistic if we play well (which we don't always do). Making top four would depend not on us, but the poor form of the existing top four. That, unfortunately, is still no basis for Champions Legue status. One day, maybe, right now, not an option.

mummywhycantieatcrayons · Post by **mummywhycantieatcrayons** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 12:00 pm

TANGODANCER wrote:At this moment in time, Champions League is pure pipe-dream. We are just not good enough (or rich enough) to aspire to such grandeur. Champs League teams have to be consistenly good enough to challenge anyone. Much as I love the Whites, only a daydreamer would see us in that bracket. We fight, scramble and sometimes show pure class in our games (I emphasise "sometimes") but that's realistically it. To six again, maybe fifth, is realistic if we play well (which we don't always do). Making top four would depend not on us, but the poor form of the existing top four. That, unfortunately, is still no basis for Champions Legue status. One day, maybe, right now, not an option.

Aspirations don't cost anything, Tango.

If I get to hear the Champions League hymn being piped around the Reebok, my ultimate ambition as a Bolton fan, then I couldn't care less if it came about as the result of others' ineptitude.

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 1:58 pm

TANGODANCER wrote:
communistworkethic wrote:"Lord knows how many chances"?? Well being omniscient, I would hope so, but it doesn't take the Almighty to know we actually created 3 clear chances, only 2 of which we on target and one we score and the other the keeper saved in slow-mo.

P*ssing rain? Damp but not a downpour.

Possession ? Leave it to demons, we need goals.
Omniscient? Thought you were "omnipotent"

as a god, and the Almighty, one would hope your Lord is capable of omnipotence, omnipresence and omniscience - being capable of all things, in all places at all times and knowing all.

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