TWSpy Toons

[thebish]

TWSpy reporting for duty....

Courtesy of the Toon Forum Toontastic.net

First up, a Toontastic discussion about Owen Coyle prompted by the Guardian article that was also discussed on these learned pages...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog ... owen-coyle

i pretty much agree, they are playing very progressive football.

ta very much!

Despite the quality of football, sounds like another club falsely occupying a lofty position by living beyond their means. 93m in debt due to a 'swollen wage bill and sacking Megson'. I wonder if he dares call the new villa 'Casa Reebok'.

takes one to know one!

and then - for no obvious reason - a Blackburn fan appears:

I'd be happy with Coyle replacing Sam at Ewood Park,though that won't happen for a long time. If at all. He does seem to be a bright manager, and not a flash inn the pan like Dowie or Coleman.

Sod off!!! you've already had allardyce - go find your own fecking managers!

You should be happy with just about anyone replacing 'Sam' at Ewood Park - unless you're a sadist and would rather slowly and painfully suck the life and enjoyment out of football.

err - excuse me - why are we giving Blackburn fans the time of day???

I like him. I think he could well be the next real top class manager.

that's more like it!

Comparisons with Paul Hart [when the latter had Nott.Forest flying in the Championship, before falling short in the 01/02 play-offs] can be made.

oh... party pooper!

Coyles done it at burnley/ and quietly revolutionised Bolton. they weren't playing football as we all know it under megson. seems whilst megson is divisive and not a good long term influence (a bit of a spoilt kid ( like steve bruce!)), coyle seems to be the opposite. people want to play football for him.

that's pretty much spot on!

apart from Torres at liverpool, that fat spanish prick thats destroying Inter must have the worst track record. or one of them...

does that mean Benitez is a Prick?

anyway - let's leave Coyle and talk about Guthrie... were you pleased with your buy? (Some people here thought it a lack of ambition that we didn't mortgage Garty's solid-gold helicopter to keep him...)

I'm not a Gutherie fan, far from it, I was oppose to his signing as I thought it was the signing of this type of player for the club was a step backwards and as far as I'm concerned I've been proved right.
As it's transpired he's proved an ok squad player and in the second half of last season he was a key player in the middle of the park. That last bit is key though as for the first half of last year he was fecking gash in the championship on the right of midfield. In the premier league he's not even that good. He's a fecking liability! He won't even try to provide any width and that leaves us massively unbalanced and Simpson with no support whatsoever.
I know Routledge has been massively disapointing this season but at least he balances the team out and there's a hope he might produce something.
I have no hope at all in Guthrie and in fact my spirits sink everytime I see his name on the teamsheet. We won't win a game this season with him on the right and Hughton has to end it now!

oh dear - that's a "no" then?

Meanwhile, Nolan is top 3 player of europe

what??? really??? by what lunatic criteria could that ever be the reasonable outcome?

Still better than a midfield 4 of Smith, Barton, Butt and Geremi like under FS

Is that relevant?

Yes, Guthrie is better on the wing than Smith or Geremi

ahh... and is that really saying much?

Well it may have passed you by but Geremi no longer plays for the club and Smith's never been played there. Do you have a point here you plumb?

oops! (and - "plumb" might come back to haunt you!)

And he's not better than Geremi anyway!

and another thing!!!

Guthrie is better than Geremi and plumb is spelt plum, you plum

that's him pwned!! (I did warn him!)

but he aint beat yet...

Sorry is wanker better spelling for you?

Guthrie cannot play on the wing and doesn't even pretend to try. Geremi was poor there but that's still better than Guthrie's lack of attempt to play there. And again, that's irrelevant as he doesn't play for us any more. Much as Ruel Fox doesn't who was also better as a right winger than Guthrie.

anyway..... shall we leave it there girls and get to the game? are you confident?

2-0 to us

Our midfield goes from pretty decent to really shit with the absence of Tiote and Barton

Cant see where the service is going to come from and for the first time this season it looks bleak to me.
We might only win 3 - 0

that's the spirit!

I'm not confident on this one either.

We will struggle to keep the ball and keep up when they've got it with that midfield.

see folks - when they try, the Jawdees can come across as ordinary, nervous fans without a hint of the delusions they are (perhaps unfairly) chided for - they are nowhere near the delusional status of West Ham, Spurs or Citeh.....

The best we can hope for is to create some chances from set pieces.

that can't be right! we're the set-piece side - you are the scintillating attacking football side - surely?

Not confident either, midfield reminds me of the days I don't really want to remember.
1-0 to Bolton, a scrappy 0-0 at most.

(you wish)

1-6 for me. Collocini hat-trick

ooh - now, score-wise, that's a bit closer...

anyway - I think we've kicked off...

Good start, but should have had a goal there.

yeah - fat, lazy, slow, nolan-pieman - the third best player in europe.... blaze it wide, did he?

Reckon they'll win by a couple of goals. Our midfield looks utterly dog shit.

rampant optimism! It's kind of a marker of our progress just how pessimistic you all are!!!

Absolute retard is Nolan.

fecking daft nice person

Why the feck did he do that?

Nolan you twit.

Nolan gives away a pen.

awwww.... that brings it all back - just like the olden days!

Davies converts said pen.

yesssssssssssssss!! SKD 1 - 0 Carroll

Don't think we should simply blame Nolan, Enrique fecked it up before as well.

yeah - give Nolan a break!

Williamson shuda got sent off just nutted Elmander what a wanker

Williamson should've been sent off there like.

yeah - we saw that too! wanker!

And why the feck does Coyle wear shorts the c*nt!!!

oi! Tango likes them! and - didn't you just have a thread about how awesome Coyle is?? it's only one goal - no need to get all nasty and spiteful just yet!

Bollocks this like, might not even bother watching it... I'll end up depressed.
Stevie T back in with a shout when Williamson gets his ban for that.

duh! did you not read the rules - it never really counts on a Bolton player... there'll be no bannage.

Missing Tiote.

aww... bless! why not txt him?

Oh for feck* sake.

summat else happened?

Balls.

Meh!

(holds gun to head)
FFS clear it you idiots. Off-side, but shouldn't even have had a look in.
Have a look at the positioning of Alan Smith if you want to see complete uselessness in action. Drop back and give a passing option you idiot.

oooh - a goal?

Pathetic performance thus far.
Serious questions will need to be asked and Hughton (and Ashley et al) is out of his mind if he's happy to stick with what we've got going the next window. Serious lack of strength in depth.
Terribly one dimensional and inconsistent.

yeah - but you are playing a top 5 team... it's not the end of the world surely?

This is fecking pathetic.

Shite doesn't even begin to cover it tbh.

Shite doesn't even begin to cover it tbh.

anyway - who are all those guests on the forum, I wonder?

88 guests didn't know there were that many computers connected to the internet in sunderland.

ahhhhh

time for a firm hand on the tiller i think... too much panic by far!

Toys coming out of the pram already.
1 goal and we'll be back in it. Bar the 2 goals (which were fecking awful schoolboy defending) they haven't damaged us much.

bravo! (though I hate to warn you that this may not be the worst it gets...)

What worries me is that we don't appear to have a goal in us, whereas Bolton look like they could get another one. Davies is winning everything in our box.

do you think so?

@kevindaviesbwfc = Scored a pen, having a beer.

LOL!!! SKD's twittering prowess is nationally famous!

anyway - the second half beckons... wonder what Hughton's team talk was like...

Howay you useless feck*, time to earn your pay.

that works for me!

Smith is killing us. He's nowhere to be seen unless he's standing on the toes of our defenders getting in their way.
The rest of them look like they could trap a bag of cement but Smith is the key to our shiteness.
Him off, Guthrie in the centre, he's there 90% of the time already and little Wayne running into the corner.

not a big smith fan then? but - guthrie is better??

Bollocks.

The defence needs shot.

Dear me, fecking awful this

Right, toys can come out of the pram now.

actually... I'd save a few for later!

This is fecking appauling

yeah - I agree - the nation's spelling standards....

What a shower today

This just proves that we need some players in in January. Missing a few key players today, and we don't have any quality whatsoever to replace them.

always the newcastle way - buy some new shiny baubles.... but that's the beauty of Coyle - polish what you've already got....

Where are the nice people that keep telling us we're off to Europe next season?

good question!

3 1 carroll

nice one andy

Gonna win that 5-3 now

Good finish by AC. 3-1 now

Get in England's no. 1
Top scorer in the league

unless Elmo bags another....

anyway - beware boys and girls, TWSpy has often warned of the cruel tricks that hope can play.....

Shandy Barrel!!

ahh - Geordy rhyming slang?? I think it needs a bit of work mate? ask the experts - total pony!!

3-1 Carroll. Hope returns.

Back on!

will you never learn!

feck* sake Nolan.

What's Nolan doing? Wish Hughton would have the bollocks to take him off.

Nolan started the game well, has all been downhill from there.

ahh - familiar territory - some Nolan abuse!

Where are the nice people that keep telling us we're off to Europe next season?

still no answer?

Here, you miserable moaning old boring wanker

ahhh!

Did I actually name you you pathetic piece of shit? No but like a clueless c*nt of a taxi driver you are you have an uninformed opinion about everything as your last week's worth of posts in many topics show. At your age if you were any good at your advertising career you still be at it but obviously you weren't, which make nmost of what you write even more worthless.
So shut it and feck right off.

I have no interest in anything you have to say but will make it my hobby to point out the crap that comes from you.
Or if you think it's worth it take me on and have me voted off the board. Unlike skidmark if I lost I wouldn't be back but I doubt you could say the same.

Blimey!! I think there might be an agenda there! makes Tango's relentless persecution of thebish seem a bit tame!

For all I might agree with you on many things Sammy... you've made a bit of a tit of yourself with this post
have a pint mate, it'll be easier after

sound advice - on second thoughts - make that three or four pints!

feck*

Colo has been fecking dreadful today.

fecking hell, this is horrible to watch. Colo is fecking awful.

worst ive seen for a very long time

Soft from Coloccini, hope his head doesn't drop. Elmander has had our defense worried all game.

he'll have to come up with another way to stop Elmo...

Coloccini you stupid poof-haired c*nt, why the feck didn't you head that?

Elmo is now joint top with Carroll...

red for collo it gets better

fecking stupid c*nt, deserved to go off for that.

fecking wankers theyve all been fecking shit today.

Added to the 3 game ban for Williamson no doubt!

I already told you there will be no ban for williamson!! keep up!

feck. Hope that's not Colo's confidence shot for the rest of the season.

touching of you to be worried about poor Colo - instead of poor elmo who just had an elbow in the face to add to an earlier headbut...

embarrassing performance and i fecking hate bolton

awww.. come on - we're not bitter rivals are we?? we gave you Sam - and Nolly - and Guthrie.... what did you ever do for us???

This is the worst we've played for well over a year

They'd be in double figures if their finishing was any good.

awww now you're embarassing us! sweetie!

Carroll just smashed a good volley off the bar

there - see? not over yet!!

Great ball from Routledge. Carroll was fouled in the box from behind, c*nt of a ref.

are you suuuuuuuure???

lovenkrands missed a sitter now

Another two easy chances muffed. Starting to wonder just what Lovenkrands is doing in black and white.

EDIT: There's another one from Williamson. It's not as though we haven't had opportunities in this game.

yeah - chin up! positives to be grasped!

They look like scoring every time they go forward. We have been fecking awful all game. Apart from Carroll scoring theres been feck all to take from this game, no positives nothing. One word to describe this game, AWFUL!

depends on your perspective mate! as for positives - c'mon, I tried!

Spurs have conceded four here as well.

yeah - they did, didn't they! (snigger!) as long as it's only four - then it's not all that bad....

Another pen

fecking hell!

enrique red?

never a penalty in a million years hes won the ball clearly

Might give our game a miss on MOTD tonight...

wise move! after all - listening to shee-rah wanking himself sore over how awesome Bolton are can't be easy for you....

Absolute fecking joke. When was the last time Bolton scored 5?

good question... actually, I know this! 21st january 2004 - we beat Villa 5-2 (that was in the cup)
in the league - it was 18th August 2001 - we beat Leicester City 5-0

ahh - happy days!

Worst performance by a Hughton side.
Every single man in black and white should be ashamed of themselves.
Bolton are good but they're not this good.

Oh, I think you'll find we are! we da dog's danglies, man!

Our players generally wanted far too much time on the ball and were simply being outran, outmuscled and outplayed. Atrocious.

but what about the bigger picture?

There is going to be a massive over reaction to this but we have to look at the bigger picture. At the start of the season if someone told me we'd be 9th after 14 games I would have been fecking ecstatic.

While thats true, what the table doesnt show is that we have had many of the so called "easy" games and home and yet have to play many of the harder games.

harder games - as in games againt top5 teams???

and.. along comes the Mackem...

Anyone got the time? My watch is stuck at 5 past Newca5t1e

(see what he did there with the S and the L?? chortle!!

and the toon take it on the chin....

Wahey, here's the charlie parade.

(cue: lots of pictures of Newcastle's 5-1 thrashing of Blunderland....)

What did I miss from Williamson? Why will he get a ban?

Soon afterwards, Elmander went down under an off-the-ball incident with Mike Williamson but the Newcastle player received no punishment.

Referee missed it apparently.

Just looked liked they ran into each other from my view although I didnt see the replay.

clearly you didn't!!! Muppet!

Things could be worse We could be West Ham. They look terrible.

and that's summat we can always relate to!! I'd rather support Bolton than be you!!

well, we got hammered.
time to take it on the chin, get drunk and shout at the charlies on x-factor.

sounds reasonable! enjoy!

Just got back,

Well beaten, Bolton's fans and ground shite but team superb, tore us a new hole, Tiote would have got us points from this game, Carroll was superb, everyone else was a bit shite,

too pissed to properly discuss, singing was fun.

Done.

I guess we'll get docked points for "fans and ground shite" then..... and you'll get some extra points for singing... (are you CAPS or FiO?)

and - rather bizarrely - up pops a ManU fan to show us all that compared to them, ALL other fans in the world are great....

December 11th
We playing yous away. Might go if I do I'll shit on me seat. The place stinks of shit anyway

feck off you cock-wipe!


many thanks to the good folk of toontastic.net.... we'd just love it if we beat you.... (etc!)

TWSpy signing off....

[Gravedigger]

Super stuff, Bish. And don't they chat just like those other "Too good to be beaten" West Spam?

Newca5t1e! Priceless!!

[seanworth]

Great stuff again. Cheers.

[KeeeeeeeBaaaaaaab]

Blimey. After reading that I feel like my wit and conversing skills are up there with Noel Coward.

Well done, TWSpy. Another pickled egg in the post....

[Gary the Enfield]

Nice one, Spy.

Nothing but complimentary texts from Spurs, Man City and West Ham mates. Hmmmm.... I may wake up in a bit.

[as]

Bish is a legend.

[TKIZ!]

That was awesome, thanks for a great read Bish

[Worthy4England]

Top fare as ever Spy.

[William the White]

Super stuff, Bish. And don't they chat just like those other "Too good to be beaten" West Spam?

Newca5t1e! Priceless!!

No - this is another excellent job by the spy... but nothing can beat the Spammers - KUMB beats everywhere in its apoplectic response to the Whites and SKD in particular...

[Mitch]

Brilliant

[hisroyalgingerness]

Enjoyable reading! I think it may have been even better had the literacy in Newcastle been higher, or all of the teenage knobtards in their fair city were outside the beehive drinking cider from apple tango bottles

[cophilie]

Great job! The level of intellectual discussion in Newcastle really is frighteningly high.

[Wandering Willy]

Very good Bish - thanks.

[hisroyalgingerness]

Speaking of which, anyone see the big toon lad that got dusted by a small-ish young Bowton lad outside South near the Tesco cut-through after giving him shit?

I just missed it, but if true deserves proper Bolton folklore treatment, piss funny. Apparently dealt him some quick digs and down he went, kiss kiss bang bang.

[Lord Kangana]

Interesting reading their opinion of Nolan.

In general could be summed up as "a bit slow, nowt without goals".

Don't shoot the messenger.

[Lord Kangana]

Oh, and they mostly think Guthrie is rubbish.

They're not all stupid, ya nar.

[Verbal]

could you ask Spy to do a Wolves one please?

[thebish]

could you ask Spy to do a Wolves one please?

I think s/he looked into itm but didn't find much in the way of usable material...

[General Mannerheim]

They are pretty self abusing tho, unlike WHU who just call us c*nts or mugs all the time, they seem to pretty much accept they're shite!

[thebish]

They are pretty self abusing tho, unlike WHU who just call us c*nts or mugs all the time, they seem to pretty much accept they're shite!

indeed - which is far less entertaining and more difficult to take the piss out of...