A brief history of transfer threads.

[Worthy4England]

I thought I'd do some analysis of the absolute dilemma's some of our Transfer Threads have left our managers with. I mean, it stands to reason, that Pep Guardiola would struggle with the paucity of some of them and could land us in the Conference. But really? I mean REALLY? We sit and point at how useless the managers are, but we need to figure into that calculation what these Transfer Threads have left them to work with. Coyle, Freedman and now Lennon, all capable of managing Barcelona and playing tippy-tappy, if only our Transfer Thread people could give them the right players to work with. So here goes.

I took as my starting point Summer 2011. We finished the 2010/2011 Season in the Prem, just missing out on a Champions League spot by 22 points. I mean that's just like another 7 wins and a draw. Squad was firing on all cylinders and I had high hopes for the 2011/12 Season. We'd improved from the near relegation the season before. Owen was adored by one and all. Nowt to worry about, blue sky everywhere. Tkiz took the reins for the Summer Transfer thread. By the time the January Transfer thread opened, we were sat a little adrift of my CL aspirations. 24 points off 4th place and sat in 20th on 13 points from 19 games (0.68 ppg).

Hoss - Board administrator and respected poster (nowt to do with him being Board admin, honest guv), stepped into the limelight and declared "I shall save us from impending doom". From September 23rd, he scouted the world (well Burnley anyhow), but despite his best efforts managed to get us relegated and fecked up royally on a Cup semi-final. 19 games, 23 points (1.21 ppg). In fairness, had we had a full season at that rate, we'd have finished 13th. Still not in the Champions League, but not totally bankrupt.

Jaffka then stepped in Summer 2012, thinking "this is gonna be a piece of piss - no lose gamble here - we're going straight back up". Great, I was optimistic of a quick return to the Prem. I was enthused by his opening words - no words of mine could express how light headed I felt by reading "I don't have any gossip, though", which Hoss felt compelled to retort "Shit thread title, btw" - I expect he was still feeling guilty about getting us relegated, but he probably shouldn't blame himself. So off we set and by the time the January transfer window opened we'd amassed a proper tally, sitting proudly after 25 games, in 14th place on 32 points (1.28 ppg).

Looking to add to the solid start and finding ourselves a very respectable two thirds down the table and on the way to League 1, Worthy came in to see if a few tweaks here and there could push us back to the glory days of the Premiership. We were at make or break, so it started with some poetry, in an attempt to attract expressive, free flowing footballers. Jaffka called it "arty-farty", but it was clear for all to see that it was a class above "I don't have any gossip". It was found wanting. With one game to go, we were there - one hand on the train back to the Premiership, then some feck* picked the wrong eleven after I'd given them all the material to work with. 21 games, 34 points (1.61 ppg)

Clear and positive action was needed. Back stepped Tkiz to do another Summer transfer bonanza! The man with the lowest points tally on the planet, but clearly with a much better plan, having already had one go at this - it was a bit like re-employing Sammy Lee. Learning is a wonderful thing. It showed. 10 games in, not a win on the board. The mighty Yeovil Town (previously known as Yeovil Casuals with good reason), managed to garner us a point, at home. Great work from the master of transfer threads. We closed in December just above the relegation places having conceded 5 at Leicester. 23 games, 26 points, 18th place. (1.13 ppg)

It was time to look abroad, for some new talent - Plymouth Wanderer. First time we'd had a foreign Transfer Thread owner. It made me feel like the Man City takeover of transfer threads was about to unfold right before my eyes. It should be made quite clear, that the anticipated transfer of Miguel Veloso, that didn't occur, was somewhat disappointing. It was a slow burner, by game 32, we'd reached the heady heights of 19th, but it was plain for all to see, that this was just some minor bedding in problems. No fears about League 1 existed in the minds of most intelligent observers. Then came the promotion push. We managed a point AWAY to Yeovil Casuals. Stuck 4 past Blackburn and 5 past dirty Leeds in Mavies' two games for the season. In fact we did a Yorkshire wipeout winning all 5 against Yorkshire teams before the end of the season. 33 points, 23 games later we ended just below the top half. (1.43 ppg)

Continuing the Citeh "big backers" theme, we looked even further around the world, turning to that hot bed of footballing excellence the Middle East and AT stepped in with all his barrels of oil backing him up. Straight away, you could see we'd made the right pick. By the end of November, we'd been out of the bottom three twice. Some previous signings, such as Trotter still being around were clearly showing our solidity. The defence - generally from where we draw our strength and BWSA's player of the season were rock solid, but we were a little exposed in the striking department. Still we closed out December, just one league place behind our best end of December position for years - 15th 29 points, 24 games (1.20 ppg).

AT had already given us the new Manager, as the old one had singularly failed to capitalize early doors on the plethora of talent signed in the Summer. So the basis was there for Bijou Bob to just roll it into the back of the net. Failure couldn't be an option this time, so Bob was the man for the job. Bob's a proper name, not like some of the others. I'm surprised we don't have any Khloe's driving some of these transfer threads, looking at some of the performances they've produced. Bob's starter for 10 was Bogdan and Chungy out on permanents - 50% right. Hall on loan and Mason back down the M5 - 100% right. Trotter may as well not be here - 100% right. So really there should have been nothing stopping us going right to the top. 78 points is all we needed and we had 29 from 24. 49 points from 22 games (2.22 ppg) - should have been a walk in the park. So tell me Bob "Where did it all go wrong?". Let me tell you. 4 goals a game being conceded in February - not good enough. Tim could've lost the BWSA award on that sort of form. We finished in our lowest league position for 22 years. Still I guess that not being relegated counts as success - 22 games, 22 points - 1 ppg.

The good news for Il Pirate is, we have a really, really good manager chugging along at 1.33 ppg (so pretty much Freedman's return in terms of points per game). And with our new scouting network reaching as far as Northern Ireland, the future looks bright. No excuses this time and really, there's nowt to beat.

[jaffka]

It was a good read!

My first effort was certainly better than the second.

tkiz though! should be banned from ever making a transfer thread again.

[Worthy4England]

[jaffka]

The solution though is quite clear. Its us, the thread authors who should be sacked.

I'm sorry for my part in Bolton regressing.

[Prufrock]

How empty was your Sunday?!

Do a line man.

[TANGODANCER]

How empty was your Sunday?!
Do a line man.

Lining up future clients, Pru?

[plymouth wanderer]

Cracking read that Worthy!

[Dave Sutton's barnet]

What's the net PPG?

[Worthy4England]

What's the net PPG?

Fairly shit!