Shit Jokes

Batman · Post by **Batman** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:33 am

Thought I would start a thread about shit jokes.

Post your favourites - here is mine.

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home when there's a knock at the door. A Chinese man with an invoice in his hand says "You sign, you sign." Behind him is a truckload of car exhausts. "You've got the wrong man" Mandela says.

The next day Mandela hears a knock on the door, opens it and the Chinese man is back with a truckload of brake pads. "You sign, you sign" the man says. "You've got the wrong man" Mandela says.

The following day the Chinese man is back. "Don't you understand, you must have the wrong name, who do you want to deliver these to?" Mandela asks.

The Chinese man checks his invoice and says in a heavy accent "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

cophilie · Post by **cophilie** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 1:24 pm

That actually hurt me.It physically hurt me.
But in the same spirit:
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they ARRR

I'll get my coat.

chris · Post by **chris** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:00 pm

What happens if you throw a yellow stone in the Red Sea.
It gets wet.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:04 pm

Japanes guy, first day on an oil rig, and with no experience, get put in charge of supplies. Three days later, during which no one has seen him, a search for him is organised. One guy opens a container door and out jumps the Japanese guy waving his arms about and shouting: "SUPPLIES, SUPPLIES".

Coats on and that's the door slamming.

cowdrill · Post by **cowdrill** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:55 pm

two nuns driving down a road and a vampire jumps out in front of the car and wont let them pass

one nun says to the other "quick, show him your cross!"

so she leans out of the window and shouts "GET OUT OF THE F***NG WAY YOU STUPID TOOTHY BASTARD!!!!"

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army · Post by **Soldier_Of_The_White_Army** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:58 pm

cowdrill wrote:two nuns driving down a road and a vampire jumps out in front of the car and wont let them pass

one nun says to the other "quick, show him your cross!"

so she leans out of the window and shouts "GET OUT OF THE F***NG WAY YOU STUPID TOOTHY BASTARD!!!!"

Shit my arse!! That was quality

Mackem_and_proud · Post by **Mackem_and_proud** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 9:01 pm

You get that Vampire one of Vicar of Dibley?

cowdrill · Post by **cowdrill** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 9:14 pm

Mackem_and_proud wrote:You get that Vampire one of Vicar of Dibley?

hell no

they got it off me

bastards...

Henrik's fan club · Post by **Henrik's fan club** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:58 pm

Went to Chester zoo the other day but only animal they had was a funny little dog

I was a shit-zu..... get it? get it?

I'll get my coat.....

Soldier_Of_The_White_Army · Post by **Soldier_Of_The_White_Army** » Sat Sep 02, 2006 11:03 pm

Henrik's fan club wrote:Went to Chester zoo the other day but only animal they had was a funny little dog

I was a shit-zu..... get it? get it?

I'll get my coat.....

You'll find it in the taxi that is outside waiting for you

Le Snake · Post by **Le Snake** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 12:04 am

Why does Noddy wear a little hat with a bell on it?

Because he's a tw*t.

a1 · Post by a1 » Sun Sep 03, 2006 12:34 am

two turds walk into a bar , the barman goes "i'm not serving you , you stink!"

so one of them gets 20 pence and puts it in the jukebox and puts a scatman crothers song on ..

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 9:57 am

what's brown and sticky ? a stick.

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

Bench · Post by **Bench** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 10:50 am

communistworkethic wrote:what's brown and sticky ? a stick.

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

Whats white and swings through the trees?

A fridge.

Mackem_and_proud · Post by **Mackem_and_proud** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 10:58 am

Bench, i've got your coat

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 12:01 pm

Two flies on a piece of shit. One farts, the other one says "Do you mind, I'm eating"?

Marshall · Post by **Marshall** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 1:15 pm

communistworkethic wrote:what's brown and sticky ? a stick.

What's pink and fluffy?

pink fluff

Le Snake · Post by **Le Snake** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 1:23 pm

What's big and grey and would hurt you if it fell out of a tree onto your head?

A car park.

Bench · Post by **Bench** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:25 pm

Le Snake wrote:What's big and grey and would hurt you if it fell out of a tree onto your head?

A car park.

Whats brown and sits at the bottom of the ocean?

Moby Marsbar......

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Sun Sep 03, 2006 4:12 pm

why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

It was stapled to the first one.

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