Out of the mouths of Women.

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:49 pm

They used to do this thing in FHM where blokes would write in with some of the corkingly silly quotes that their Wives, Girlfriends or Girl mates (not sure what one of those is).. Anyhow, just been having a childish conversation with my Fiancee about silly words that shouldn't make us laugh but do...

... Anyhow, after one of my turns, she came out with the cracking line. "Nah, I'm not a fan of Minge"

And when she came back in from work late once night, I was watching Lord of the Rings.. To which she stated "Not this, it's a bit far-fetched isn't it?"

Yes love, yes it is.

Anybody any more?

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:20 pm

Well, there was this one time .... (sorry, had an 'American Pie' moment there) .... we were the South of France, on the Corniche, between Nice & Monaco. High up and looking toward the Med' at the peninsula of Cap Ferrat.

'er indoors then asked " .... how much higher, would you reckon, is the water on the left of that island than on the right ?"

Well, firstly it's not an island as it's attached to the mainland. Secondly we'll refer to left & right as West & East, if that's alright with you ... and thirdly, & I have to say, possibly most importantly, errr, does the term "sea level" mean anything to you ?"

She then proceeded to dispute that it wasn't possible and insist that it was higher on one side.

This woman has an MSc. (admitedly not in geography or anything like that) and, most worryingly, ...... the vote.

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:34 pm

Hahah I do love 'it's a bit far-fetched isn't it?'.

Whilst we were away I said to my mum I thought it odd that the hotel singer sang the same songs every night, yet still had all the words on a screen in front of him. "Well maybe he's got the words written down in Greek!" Everyone laughed at her and someone tried to defend her thinking she meant phonetic aproximations in the Greek alphabet until it became obvious she meant translated. Bloody useful that'd be love!

However, my cousin must be world champion at this. She once asked 'Do black people have the same organs?'. She once had a problem with her teeth with which she was off to the ornithologists. Also telling us how, with her and her boyfriend were going on holiday around the start of the football season, she explained since they were three hours ahead she could ring us up and tell us the scores beforehand.

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:44 pm

My sister in law loves Thin Lizzie's version of Whiskey in the Giro

blurred · Post by **blurred** » Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:52 pm

Collect them all online and call it 'Thickipedia'?

Cheese · Post by **Cheese** » Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:26 am

A few years ago, my sister asked for a window seat on a flight.... so she could smoke. She genuinely thought she'd be able to wind the window down.

When she first started driving, she was giving me a lift somewhere when she stopped at a petrol station and proceeded to deflate her tyres. I looked on, confused, as she then started to reinflate them, so I wound the window down and said "What the fook are you doing?". "Putting fresh air in my tyres." she replied.

Another time, she phoned me for help because she had a flat tyre. I had to put the phone down when she said "The weird thing is, it's only flat at the bottom, but the top half is fine?!?".

In contrast to these moments of utter idiocy (and there are a lot of them), she's actually surprisingly smart.

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:42 am

What a good idea for a thread! Our lass once said she wouldn't mind one of them George Formby Grills! She also rang me once asking How to get to the black market!

CAPSLOCK · Post by **CAPSLOCK** » Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:57 am

General Mannerheim wrote:What a good idea for a thread! Our lass once said she wouldn't mind one of them George Formby Grills! She also rang me once asking How to get to the black market!

Must be a Totty thing

my mates wife called one the same last New Year

markakamark · Post by **markakamark** » Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:23 am

At the age of 7, when my sister was asked why you shouldn't drink and drive, she replied 'because you might spill it'.

ratbert · Post by **ratbert** » Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:23 am

A (blonde) female friend of mine once said "what year is Euro 2004 taking place in?"

as · Post by as » Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:37 am

My mates missus was walking past a poster for Gangs Of New York, and then turned to him and asked 'what do you think that film is about then?'. I was in hysterics, whereas he answered the question seriously and wondered what cracked me up.....I think some people are meant to be together!

Gary the Enfield · Post by **Gary the Enfield** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:04 pm

Last night I started watching a documentary about three brothers who were embarking on the route Hannibal took from North Africa to take on the Roman Army with his Elephants etc. They were doing the journey on bikes, though

Anyway, we were watching the boys cycling along the Costa Blance when they encountered a cycle race in one of the towns. ''Oh'' she said ''that must be the 'Tour de France' ''

I didn't reply.

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:20 pm

we were watching the Damned United the other night, she pipes up, "Brighton? didnt know they had a seaside in Brighton...."

shes now under the patio.

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:24 pm

Just remembered the best one my Missus has ever said. Whilst talking about how you should refer to people of ethnic minority and the rights and wrongs of name calling. She then started to talk about a British duo who performed stage shows.

"Do you remember them? The Black and White Maltesers?"

No, I don't, funnily enough!

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:32 pm

General Mannerheim wrote:we were watching the Damned United the other night, she pipes up, "Brighton? didnt know they had a seaside in Brighton...."

shes now under the patio.

Ah .... New Brighton or Old Brighton ?!?!

I'll get my spade !

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Fri Sep 03, 2010 6:00 pm

Posting in the Art Thread made me think about a conversation I had with a mate of mine yesterday about how daft his missus is.. Anyway they were having a chat during that Freddy Mercury documentary the other week, when she says "Oh, I love Freddy Mercury... Oooooooohhhhhh Vienna!"

D*ck

Lord Kangana · Post by **Lord Kangana** » Fri Sep 03, 2010 7:44 pm

Gary the Enfield wrote:Last night I started watching a documentary about three brothers who were embarking on the route Hannibal took from North Africa to take on the Roman Army with his Elephants etc. They were doing the journey on bikes, though

Anyway, we were watching the boys cycling along the Costa Blance when they encountered a cycle race in one of the towns. ''Oh'' she said ''that must be the 'Tour de France' ''

I didn't reply.

I hate to be the party pooper here, but the tour has/had stages in Italy, Switzerland, GB, Belgium, Spain, Holland, Germany...

Though I take your point.

hisroyalgingerness · Post by **hisroyalgingerness** » Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:16 pm

This was in this months FHM and came from the readers mother, and likewise my mother

Top and tail, she uses different txtspk to me

"Grandma's gone into hospital LOL"

So for me, it's "laugh out loud" and I'm thinking, "what's funny about grandma being in hospital?"

For mother - "lot's of love"

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Fri Sep 03, 2010 10:10 pm

hisroyalgingerness wrote:This was in this months FHM and came from the readers mother, and likewise my mother

Top and tail, she uses different txtspk to me

"Grandma's gone into hospital LOL"

So for me, it's "laugh out loud" and I'm thinking, "what's funny about grandma being in hospital?"

For mother - "lot's of love"

This month's FHM? I doubt that it was even in any of this year's FHMs, given that it's so old a gag.

Always hopeful · Post by **Always hopeful** » Sat Sep 04, 2010 10:34 pm

Last summer, we spent a few days in the Pyrenees, where it was really hot and sunny. At the time, my wife enquired, "Is this because we're that bit closer to the sun?"

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