Joke thread
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Re: Joke thread
davroduk wrote:After my Prostate examination the doctor left the room.
Then the nurse entered the room, and said those five words you never want to hear.
"WHO THE feck WAS THAT" !!!!!!!!!
The above post is complete bollox/garbage/nonsense, please point this out to me at any and every occasion possible.
- Gary the Enfield
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Re: Joke thread
I witnessed a horrendous incident at the weekend.
I was at the seaside the other day when I noticed a crowd had gathered around a man and his wife having an almighty row. To my horror they seemed to be oblivious to the poor kids who had to witness it, too. Then the wife hit the husband and it all kicked off. A solitary policeman tried to break up the fight and started laying into the man with his truncheon. Somehow the man took the truncheon from the copper and started laying into him and his wife.
I was just about to step in when this crocodile appeared and stole some sausages.........
I was at the seaside the other day when I noticed a crowd had gathered around a man and his wife having an almighty row. To my horror they seemed to be oblivious to the poor kids who had to witness it, too. Then the wife hit the husband and it all kicked off. A solitary policeman tried to break up the fight and started laying into the man with his truncheon. Somehow the man took the truncheon from the copper and started laying into him and his wife.
I was just about to step in when this crocodile appeared and stole some sausages.........
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Re: Joke thread
Better than my doctor.. I walked in and the first thing he said was "Okay, take you clothes and throw them over there next to mine"davroduk wrote:After my Prostate examination the doctor left the room.
Then the nurse entered the room, and said those five words you never want to hear.
"WHO THE feck WAS THAT" !!!!!!!!!
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
Re: Joke thread
A Roman walks into a bar.
Sticks two fingers up at the barman and says.....
Five beers please
Sticks two fingers up at the barman and says.....
Five beers please
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
Re: Joke thread
What do you call two crows standing on a branch?
Attempted murder.
Attempted murder.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Re: Joke thread
Somebody reads the independent!
- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
Prufrock wrote:What do you call two crows standing on a branch?
Attempted murder.
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
Film idea: having spent the last forty-odd years training himself up to become a brutal killing machine, E.T. returns from his home planet to exact his revenge on humanity. 'E.T. 2: Brute'
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Re: Joke thread
Don't give up the day job...Prufrock wrote:Film idea: having spent the last forty-odd years training himself up to become a brutal killing machine, E.T. returns from his home planet to exact his revenge on humanity. 'E.T. 2: Brute'
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread
MAde this one up,.....
Why do Satanists like Cheap Pizzas?
'Cos it's a Cent-a-gram (or a Pence-a-gram)
Why do Satanists like Cheap Pizzas?
'Cos it's a Cent-a-gram (or a Pence-a-gram)
Re: Joke thread
Is your Pizza sold in gram[me]s? It might have been cocaine. Oooooh. Or sweets. That would've pissed the old codgers on here off!
Still better than the only joke I've ever sat down and made up on my own. (I was about ten, so forgive me). What does a cat in a cage say? Let meow-t.
Still better than the only joke I've ever sat down and made up on my own. (I was about ten, so forgive me). What does a cat in a cage say? Let meow-t.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Re: Joke thread
That gag somehow manages to be both brilliant and shite at the same time.Prufrock wrote:Film idea: having spent the last forty-odd years training himself up to become a brutal killing machine, E.T. returns from his home planet to exact his revenge on humanity. 'E.T. 2: Brute'
Businesswoman of the year.
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Re: Joke thread
No. No it doesn't. I much prefer the let meow-t joke. Very much.CrazyHorse wrote:That gag somehow manages to be both brilliant and shite at the same time.Prufrock wrote:Film idea: having spent the last forty-odd years training himself up to become a brutal killing machine, E.T. returns from his home planet to exact his revenge on humanity. 'E.T. 2: Brute'
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
I've just won the 'Most secretive person 2013' award.
I can't tell you how much it means to me.
I can't tell you how much it means to me.
Re: Joke thread
Finally a joke with a punch line.clapton is god wrote:I've just won the 'Most secretive person 2013' award.
I can't tell you how much it means to me.
Re: Joke thread
Whilst on holiday near Lake Geneva I purchased a large bottle of mineral water.
I struggled to carry it though, it was an Evian.
I struggled to carry it though, it was an Evian.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
Re: Joke thread
I will never forget the words my late father said to me...
He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".
He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".
...
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Re: Joke thread
'kinell. I just groaned out loud in public.LeverEnd wrote:I will never forget the words my late father said to me...
He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
, like that one because it takes you a second to work out the punch line.LeverEnd wrote:I will never forget the words my late father said to me...
He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".
The above post is complete bollox/garbage/nonsense, please point this out to me at any and every occasion possible.
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Re: Joke thread
Strangely enough Dan, it was precisely for the very opposite reason why I groaned out loud.bwfcdan94 wrote:, like that one because it takes you a second to work out the punch line.LeverEnd wrote:I will never forget the words my late father said to me...
He said "Sorry son, traffic was terrible".
That's not a leopard!
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