Joke thread

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Mon Jun 28, 2010 9:50 pm

Goodness! My list of Irish jokes seemed to have caused a stir and some offence. It was not my intention to hurt feelings, cause offence or ill will. If I could I would remove the jokes. I unreservedly apologise for any offence I have caused.

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:03 am

Gravedigger wrote:Goodness! My list of Irish jokes seemed to have caused a stir and some offence. It was not my intention to hurt feelings, cause offence or ill will. If I could I would remove the jokes. I unreservedly apologise for any offence I have caused.

The Jewish pedophile said "Hey, little girl. Easy on the sweets". I'll muck in with ya.

William the White · Post by **William the White** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 12:42 am

Gravedigger wrote:Goodness! My list of Irish jokes seemed to have caused a stir and some offence. It was not my intention to hurt feelings, cause offence or ill will. If I could I would remove the jokes. I unreservedly apologise for any offence I have caused.

For me, no need to apologise for 'offence'... They were too, too tired to do that...

But you really find them funny???

Really?

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 6:12 am

Course "Offense". It had been a long week

I did find them funny but that may have been because of the era I am from. I am a bit of a dinosaur, William. However my apology stands.

William the White · Post by **William the White** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 1:47 pm

Gravedigger wrote:Course "Offense". It had been a long week

I did find them funny but that may have been because of the era I am from. I am a bit of a dinosaur, William. However my apology stands.

I wasn't trying to correct speller GD - you had it right ahyway. Just to say I wasn't offended.

keveh · Post by **keveh** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 9:31 pm

This has literally turned in to the joke thread.

Post more jokes please, ta

thebish · Post by **thebish** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 9:44 pm

keveh wrote:This has literally turned in to the joke thread.

Post more jokes please, ta

go on then!! I just posted 3 in a row! and not a titter!

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Tue Jun 29, 2010 9:57 pm

"I just bought a fifteen stone male Silverback Gorrilla as a pet."

"Wow, where does it sleep?"

"Wherever it fxxking likes"

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:47 am

Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films.

"Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Wall-E and Finding Nemo, but I'm never gonna give you Up."

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:55 am

This bloke's at the Doctor's.

Doctor says "I'm going to need a urine sample, a semen sample and a sample stool".

Bloke says " Ah right, I'm in a bit of a hurry. Can I just leave you my underpants?".

General Mannerheim · Post by **General Mannerheim** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:11 am

I was lying in bed with my girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job."

"Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?"

"Do you want a hand job?"

She's a keeper.

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 12:18 pm

General Mannerheim wrote:I was lying in bed with my girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job."

"Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?"

"Do you want a hand job?"

She's a keeper.

Hope she's not expecting to replace Jussi

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:22 pm

WOW! I missed all that palaver about the Irish jokes a few pages back.

[richardlittlejohnstylerhetoric] Why is it the Anti-PC Brigade Brigade are always in a rush to find Political Correctness gone mad. You can't even say that you think a bunch of tired, shit jokes are unfunny without them accusing you of playing the racism card! No-one is offended, no-one even mentioned the word offensive, they're just...shit. Like Blonde jokes. You couldn't make it up!

[/end]

Anyway, I went to a job interview the other day, and they asked me to describe my main weakness in one word. I replied, 'not good at following instructions'.

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:17 pm

Prufrock wrote:WOW! I missed all that palaver about the Irish jokes a few pages back.

[richardlittlejohnstylerhetoric] Why is it the Anti-PC Brigade Brigade are always in a rush to find Political Correctness gone mad. You can't even say that you think a bunch of tired, shit jokes are unfunny without them accusing you of playing the racism card! No-one is offended, no-one even mentioned the word offensive, they're just...shit. Like Blonde jokes. You couldn't make it up!

[/end]

Anyway, I went to a job interview the other day, and they asked me to describe my main weakness in one word. I replied, 'not good at following instructions'.

Do try to keep up, Pru.

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:20 pm

Gravedigger wrote:
Prufrock wrote:WOW! I missed all that palaver about the Irish jokes a few pages back.

[richardlittlejohnstylerhetoric] Why is it the Anti-PC Brigade Brigade are always in a rush to find Political Correctness gone mad. You can't even say that you think a bunch of tired, shit jokes are unfunny without them accusing you of playing the racism card! No-one is offended, no-one even mentioned the word offensive, they're just...shit. Like Blonde jokes. You couldn't make it up!

[/end]

Anyway, I went to a job interview the other day, and they asked me to describe my main weakness in one word. I replied, 'not good at following instructions'.
Do try to keep up, Pru.

It's difficult. As an unemployed young man, currently a graduand having just finished university, I'll have you know I have a lot of plates to keep in the air

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 10:52 pm

What is the difference between a vuvuzela and a woman?

The one is an irritating, monotonous, continuous droning in your ear the whole fcuking time.
The other is a plastic trumpet used by S African football fans.

......................................................

The WomanMarine Pilot

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.

She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all
she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't
break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke,
and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.
'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

"Don't fcuk with Mommy when she's been drinking."

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 10:57 pm

Tourist in a Native American reservation:

"Hey, what's you wife's name?

" Five Horses"

"Wow, how unusual. Why do you call her that?"

"Fxking nag,nag,nag,nag,nag! "

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Fri Jul 23, 2010 11:00 pm

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:48 pm

Got this off the Royal Navy Rum Rats website.

These workmen might have a problem come knocking off time.

Dave Sutton's barnet · Post by **Dave Sutton's barnet** » Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:40 pm

Missing Missy - the story of a lost cat. Bit harsh but amusing in its icy detachment.

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