General Chit Chat

[Hoboh]

I'd leave the knobheads there and at the mercy of the locals!

[boltonboris]

Brits abroad.......gotta love them....

I don't. Some of them make you ashamed to be British.

Need a sarcasm smilie.....I agree with you Tango....

Don't worry AG, I read you. Just seen some shining examples in my time of the worst of British abroad.

I wouldn't worry too much. They're clearly not real complaints.

[Montreal Wanderer]

Brits abroad.......gotta love them....

I don't. Some of them make you ashamed to be British.

Need a sarcasm smilie.....I agree with you Tango....

Don't worry AG, I read you. Just seen some shining examples in my time of the worst of British abroad.

I wouldn't worry too much. They're clearly not real complaints.

I'm not sure, Boris. They seem so stupid as to be made up, but these were presented as genuine by the Association of British Travel Agents (ABTA) and Thomas Cook. Would these two perpetuate a hoax?

[boltonboris]

Were they? When?

[Montreal Wanderer]

Were they? When?

These things are all over the net and generally taken from a Telegraph article which attributes them to ABTA and Thomas Cook.

If you want sources just check google under "the beach was too sandy".

[Prufrock]

They aren't real complaints! They may genuinely have been submitted, but it's folk taking the p*ss!

"Yet more fecking companies are asking us to a survey after everything. Let's write funny stuff."

[thebish]

They aren't real complaints! They may genuinely have been submitted, but it's folk taking the p*ss!

"Yet more fecking companies are asking us to a survey after everything. Let's write funny stuff."

indeed - we all write ludicrous crap on feedback forms, don't we??

[boltonboris]

Yep

[boltonboris]

Were they? When?

These things are all over the net and generally taken from a Telegraph article which attributes them to ABTA and Thomas Cook.

If you want sources just check google under "the beach was too sandy".

As I said. They're not real complaints. They're either made up. Or they're done by folk pissing about.

[thebish]

Were they? When?

These things are all over the net and generally taken from a Telegraph article which attributes them to ABTA and Thomas Cook.

If you want sources just check google under "the beach was too sandy".

the argument is not that ABTA or Thomas Cook have made them up - but that people have just had a laugh with their feedback forms...

eg. the women on the beach were not as advertised in the brochure - they were all munters... etc...

[Annoyed Grunt]

They aren't real complaints! They may genuinely have been submitted, but it's folk taking the p*ss!

"Yet more fecking companies are asking us to a survey after everything. Let's write funny stuff."

indeed - we all write ludicrous crap on feedback forms, don't we??

I don't get chance to complete them.....the Mrs does them, so now.

I think some are genuine.....

[BWFC_Insane]

Aye some are just jokes people have put in for a laugh.

Some will be genuine.....scarily.

[Bruce Rioja]

Wasn't there a Waitrose survey recently that everyone lumped on because they're a bit posh?

[thebish]

Wasn't there a Waitrose survey recently that everyone lumped on because they're a bit posh?

aye...

Waitrose invited Twitter users to finish the sentence: "I shop at Waitrose because…" But spoof replies and derogatory tweets, accompanied by the hashtag #WaitroseReasons, poked fun at the wealthy people who shop there.

Jill Tyrell
I shop at Waitrose because I hate poor people.

AngryBritain.com
I shop at Waitrose but re-pack it in to Tesco bags so the rest of the estate doesn't know I've won the EuroMillions.

Elin Roddy
I shop at Waitrose coz I once heard a man say to his son in the crisp aisle 'No, darling, those are the food of the devil'.

Major tom
I shop at Waitrose because if you buy a full tank of helicopter fuel you get 10% off champagne. It is a recession after all.

Polly Courtney
I shop at Waitrose because Clarissa's pony just WILL NOT eat ASDA Value straw.

Super Free Bingo
I shop at Waitrose because I was once at the Holloway Rd branch and heard a dad say 'Put the papaya down, Orlando!'

Martin Kay
I shop at Waitrose as I like to see the latest Boden catalogue in the flesh.

Alan Granger
I shop at Waitrose because, coming from Glasgow, it's the closest I've ever come to being privately educated!

James Wallbank
I shop at Waitrose because the butler's on holiday.

Toby D'Olier
I shop at Waitrose because their colour scheme matches my Range Rover.

[boltonboris]

I can't believe they are genuine reasons to go to Waitrose. British people are an embarrassment when they're shopping.

[Bruce Rioja]

Brilliant I remember a few being read out ont' radio. One I remember that isn't on your list, Bish was to do with them having a separate checkout for '10 items or fewer'

[thebish]

I have just completed 8 pages of utter bolloxy-horseshit - the kind of think that you have to produce when making an application to make any changes to a grade II listed building.

fortunately - several years of practice on here has made me an expert at writing utter bolloxy-horseshit - so I knocked it out with my eyes closed!

cheers TW!

[seanworth]

I have just completed 8 pages of utter bolloxy-horseshit - the kind of think that you have to produce when making an application to make any changes to a grade II listed building.

fortunately - several years of practice on here has made me an expert at writing utter bolloxy-horseshit - so I knocked it out with my eyes closed!

cheers TW!

Out of curiosity how long does it take to deliver an 8 page sermon?

[Lost Leopard Spot]

I have just completed 8 pages of utter bolloxy-horseshit - the kind of think that you have to produce when making an application to make any changes to a grade II listed building.

fortunately - several years of practice on here has made me an expert at writing utter bolloxy-horseshit - so I knocked it out with my eyes closed!

cheers TW!

Out of curiosity how long does it take to deliver an 8 page sermon?

I'd have thought that'd depend on the page formatting, font size, size of paper whether A4 or B3 etc, double or single spaced, speed of vocal delivery, and attention span of the audience. In the interest of science I've conducted the research and I've found the quickest I could do it was 34 seconds and the longest (without having ridiculous gaps between words) was three hours and twenty one minutes. Of course it might be different for a real vicar, as I had to pretend to be a reverend for the purpose of the exercise, and I didn't have any paper larger than A3.

[thebish]

I have just completed 8 pages of utter bolloxy-horseshit - the kind of think that you have to produce when making an application to make any changes to a grade II listed building.

fortunately - several years of practice on here has made me an expert at writing utter bolloxy-horseshit - so I knocked it out with my eyes closed!

cheers TW!

Out of curiosity how long does it take to deliver an 8 page sermon?

just to be clear - this was not a sermon! and the answer to your question would be "depends" and "don't know"

back in the days long ago when I wrote sermons - many many years ago - they would never be 8 pages long!! (3 at the most?) - but that would depend on whether it was typed or written in big crayon - and then - is it double spaced for ease of reading and large font etc...

however - the other reason I don't know is that I don't write down my sermons... I haven't for years - I don't use notes or a script... my theory is that if i can't remember what I want to say - then what chance have the congregation?

they usually last about 15mins... sometimes they stay on-message - often they drift off as a new thought takes me...

not writing it down also means I am not stuck with holding papers or looking down at them or having to stand at a lectern or reading desk or pulpit - it means I can walk about as i deliver it for dramatic effect and intimidate the congregation by not standing still...