Today I'm angry about.....

[bobo the clown]

emails which hit the spot but would make the person look a fool if they complained are a specialism of mine. For a considerable fee I could draft a couple.

Cheers, but I'm now having fun sticking the knife in, emailwise. Anger somewhat disippated, enjoyment setting in...

Dammit.

[Beefheart]

I have to say this is the best e-mail I've received in a long time:

MESSAGE TO ALL STAFF IN THE MANCHESTER OFFICE - FROM [REDACTED]

Please could whoever has borrowed a red plastic soup cup from the 2nd floor sink, please return it.

I left it by the hot/cold tap around 9.15 am this morning to wash, I have just gone back to collect it & it has disappeared.

I appreciate many people in the office now have these red plastic soup cups, but I know I definitely put it in the kitchen this morning as I have the lid on my desk.

Thanks in advance,
------

I often forward these on to friends in the London office so they can see the types of problems we face in the regions.

[bobo the clown]

^^ Nice.

I was contacted by the HR Director of a Company. She suspected I'd like something which had happened ..... “you’ve gone to ‘casual’ wear at work haven’t you ? Well our MD’s under considerable pressure to do it here. He really doesn’t want to and just thinks it lowers the tone AND will lead to loads of side issues”.

She sent me his draft site notice.

The introduction was standard enough. He included it being a trial, it was to be ‘smart casual’, didn’t want it to become a fashion show, nor a scruff-fest. Said he expected mature adults to act like it, people felt to be inappropriately dressed would be sent home to change, manager’s decision would be final, he wasn’t going to attempt to write list to start trying to write a list of what was acceptable or not etc., etc.

At the bottom of the note he wrote words I just so wish I had used on occasions ….

“If anyone is unhappy or dissatisfied with this approach please don’t hesitate to call me on my direct number, xxxx, when I will tell you why I don’t care”.

[Montreal Wanderer]

It amazes me that people who refuse to do their job properly for reasons like "it's a bad day", stay employed. How did the bloke in question become middle management in the first place LLS? Sadly LLS BP is from Tonge so not really Albanian.

Which makes him harder, poorer and more of a criminal than most Albanians......................according to a recent survey.............

Not valid unless they asked TD....

[Lost Leopard Spot]

(Slight thread hijack, but)...
I think our best ever work email occurred a couple of years ago when one of our software guys circulated this classic to everybody in the company (including CEO, MD etc):

Dear All.
Could whoever it was who altered my transformer toy please come and change it back as I've spent three hours trying to restore it.

Strangely enough he moved on to new pastures shortly afterwards.

[Beefheart]

Eurgh, casual wear offices. I remember those when some of my clients in London were websites or computer game developers. They all had nerf guns on their desk, an xbox on a projector, table football and a fridge full of beer and looking like they were having fun at work. What's all that about? The worst of the lot were Vice magazine who were all just a bunch of hipster wanker mac users, apart from the finance department who were stereotypically dull.

[LeverEnd]

I have to say this is the best e-mail I've received in a long time:

MESSAGE TO ALL STAFF IN THE MANCHESTER OFFICE - FROM [REDACTED]

Please could whoever has borrowed a red plastic soup cup from the 2nd floor sink, please return it.

I left it by the hot/cold tap around 9.15 am this morning to wash, I have just gone back to collect it & it has disappeared.

I appreciate many people in the office now have these red plastic soup cups, but I know I definitely put it in the kitchen this morning as I have the lid on my desk.

Thanks in advance,
------

I often forward these on to friends in the London office so they can see the types of problems we face in the regions.

An ideal opportunity for a David Thorne style response.

[bwfcdan94]

Eurgh, casual wear offices. I remember those when some of my clients in London were websites or computer game developers. They all had nerf guns on their desk, an xbox on a projector, table football and a fridge full of beer and looking like they were having fun at work. What's all that about? The worst of the lot were Vice magazine who were all just a bunch of hipster wanker mac users, apart from the finance department who were stereotypically dull.

My office is very casual, people wear t shirts and even those open neck muscle shirt's that lads who think they look the boll*cks wear. I was told I was dressing to smartly by my line manager, despite not wearing a tie or a suit and yes there is beer in the fridge. it's all a bit odd really and to went against everything I had been taught that in offices people wear suit. At school you wear a uniform, in my 6th form I had to wear a suite, at work I wear a nice shirt/polo, jeans and trainers it's just so weird.

[bwfcdan94]

It amazes me that people who refuse to do their job properly for reasons like "it's a bad day", stay employed. How did the bloke in question become middle management in the first place LLS? Sadly LLS BP is from Tonge so not really Albanian.

Which makes him harder, poorer and more of a criminal than most Albanians......................according to a recent survey.............

I very much doubt BP and the criminal masterminds of Tonge Moor would have much chance against their counterparts in Tirana some how though.

[bwfcdan94]

Ha that's golden! Who are these people?!

The bloke LLS is on about. There are also several people on my college course who paid over a grand for the course yet have turned up for only like half the lessons and several others who are late for the 9:00 start despite literally living only across the road. Lazy f**kers really piss me off.

[Burnden Paddock]

It amazes me that people who refuse to do their job properly for reasons like "it's a bad day", stay employed. How did the bloke in question become middle management in the first place LLS? Sadly LLS BP is from Tonge so not really Albanian.

Which makes him harder, poorer and more of a criminal than most Albanians......................according to a recent survey.............

I very much doubt BP and the criminal masterminds of Tonge Moor would have much chance against their counterparts in Tirana some how though.

Myself excluded, don't bet against it young Daniel!

[TANGODANCER]

I have to say this is the best e-mail I've received in a long time:

MESSAGE TO ALL STAFF IN THE MANCHESTER OFFICE - FROM [REDACTED]

Please could whoever has borrowed a red plastic soup cup from the 2nd floor sink, please return it.
I left it by the hot/cold tap around 9.15 am this morning to wash, I have just gone back to collect it & it has disappeared.
I appreciate many people in the office now have these red plastic soup cups, but I know I definitely put it in the kitchen this morning as I have the lid on my desk.
Thanks in advance,
------
I often forward these on to friends in the London office so they can see the types of problems we face in the regions.

I once had a nosey,interfering female manager of something or other send me an e-mail
I didn't like. Basically, she was sticking her nose in and trying to offload a job she should be doing. She wasn't exactly overworked at best, and she copied in the company secretary on the e-mail. I replied, suggesting she do the job she was paid to do and leave me to do mine as I had more than enough to do ....then " accidentally" sent it all staff (including the C.E.O.).Ooops.

[Gooner Girl]

emails which hit the spot but would make the person look a fool if they complained are a specialism of mine. For a considerable fee I could draft a couple.

Its true, its one of his many talents. He didn't charge me though!

[Burnden Paddock]

emails which hit the spot but would make the person look a fool if they complained are a specialism of mine. For a considerable fee I could draft a couple.

Its true, its one of his many talents. He didn't charge me though!

Oh aye!

[bobo the clown]

Caught again !!

[Worthy4England]

Just had an email from the tosspot cancelling it. No, not the contract, just the meeting.

And why? Because he's realised it's Friday the 13th and doesn't want to travel.

wtf !!! ???

You can bill the fckr for this wasted day Shirley ?

THEN he'll think it was unlucky.

Is he the most senior man from that Company you deal with ?

The contract's worth three million over five years and we are in the final year with negotiations for a new five-yearer coming up. The variations they want for the last year are significant ans we'll be charging in the region of 100k on top - so one afternoon wasted isn't killing me. It's just the feckin' principle of it. And no, he's nowhere near the top of the food chain - he's just middle management. I am seriously considering my email reply - I've had to figuratively rip up about six versions so far, because I want the right level of indignation without seemingly targeting the pillock with a straight bullet between the eyes; and I need to manipulate what I'm saying so I can copy the feckin email as far up the chain as possible (in his company) without me overstepping the boundaries.
In fact the more I think about it, the more pissed off I am... I might just fire off a vicious sarcastic torpedo and copy every fecker in (my lot and his lot).

I'd be putting more than 100k on top as an idiot tax.

[Bijou Bob]

It amazes me that people who refuse to do their job properly for reasons like "it's a bad day", stay employed. How did the bloke in question become middle management in the first place LLS? Sadly LLS BP is from Tonge so not really Albanian.

Which makes him harder, poorer and more of a criminal than most Albanians......................according to a recent survey.............

I very much doubt BP and the criminal masterminds of Tonge Moor would have much chance against their counterparts in Tirana some how though.

You've never heard of De Lacey Drive have you Dan?!

[Burnden Paddock]

It amazes me that people who refuse to do their job properly for reasons like "it's a bad day", stay employed. How did the bloke in question become middle management in the first place LLS? Sadly LLS BP is from Tonge so not really Albanian.

Which makes him harder, poorer and more of a criminal than most Albanians......................according to a recent survey.............

I very much doubt BP and the criminal masterminds of Tonge Moor would have much chance against their counterparts in Tirana some how though.

You've never heard of De Lacey Drive have you Dan?!

Blast from the past. Long since gone now btw.

[bwfcdan94]

It amazes me that people who refuse to do their job properly for reasons like "it's a bad day", stay employed. How did the bloke in question become middle management in the first place LLS? Sadly LLS BP is from Tonge so not really Albanian.

Which makes him harder, poorer and more of a criminal than most Albanians......................according to a recent survey.............

I very much doubt BP and the criminal masterminds of Tonge Moor would have much chance against their counterparts in Tirana some how though.

Myself excluded, don't bet against it young Daniel!

Aye but your an accountant so have the ability to commit more serious crimes then all of them put together. I don't think Tonge is as rough as Farnworth or Johnston Fold or possibly Halliwell.

[bwfcdan94]

It amazes me that people who refuse to do their job properly for reasons like "it's a bad day", stay employed. How did the bloke in question become middle management in the first place LLS? Sadly LLS BP is from Tonge so not really Albanian.

Which makes him harder, poorer and more of a criminal than most Albanians......................according to a recent survey.............

I very much doubt BP and the criminal masterminds of Tonge Moor would have much chance against their counterparts in Tirana some how though.

You've never heard of De Lacey Drive have you Dan?!

No, what was it and what happened to it?