Joke thread

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Fri Jul 08, 2011 12:28 pm

Funniest of the lot

Dujon · Post by **Dujon** » Sat Jul 09, 2011 1:32 am

Adam, frustration finally getting the better of him, stormed up to Eve - who'd been standing gazing at a sycamore tree for an hour. "Come on, lass", he said, "we've a picnic with the lads in a minute, please get a move on".

Eve turned to him with a frown on her face. "I won't be long, Adam dear, it's just that I can't decide on what to wear".

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Sat Jul 09, 2011 12:51 pm

The classic Adam and Eve joke Dujon:

"You'd best stand back a bit love, I've no idea just how big this thing's going to get."

Annoyed Grunt · Post by **Annoyed Grunt** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 8:22 am

I was in the park the other week watching an old man feed the ducks. After a while, I wondered how long he'd actually been dead.

© Milton Jones - Mock the Week.

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 1:20 pm

Least funny man on television.

Annoyed Grunt · Post by **Annoyed Grunt** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 1:35 pm

Prufrock wrote:Least funny man on television.

No, that's Andy Parsons.

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 1:37 pm

He is up there, but he has his moments where he isn't shit.

Annoyed Grunt · Post by **Annoyed Grunt** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 1:50 pm

Prufrock wrote:He is up there, but he has his moments where he isn't shit.

I must have missed those.

Worthy4England · Post by **Worthy4England** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:11 pm

Prufrock wrote:Least funny man on television.

No.

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:23 pm

He is fecking shite. He may not in reality be as shite as your wonky, wrong, view of David Mitchell, but he is fecking shite.

Worthy4England · Post by **Worthy4England** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:34 pm

Prufrock wrote:He is fecking shite. He may not in reality be as shite as your wonky, wrong, view of David Mitchell, but he is fecking shite.

No, no, no, no.

You'll be telling us Ivor Davies is a bit predictable next.

davroduk · Post by **davroduk** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 7:17 pm

I was asked to go and see my Ex today,
One thing lead to another and we ended up having sex,
Police wernt too pleased,
I was only supposed to be identifying the body.

davroduk · Post by **davroduk** » Sun Jul 10, 2011 7:19 pm

Letting you all know that the Premature Ejaculation Society dinner is this Friday,
No dress code,
Just come in your pants !!!!

Prufrock · Post by **Prufrock** » Mon Jul 11, 2011 12:20 am

Rupert Murdoch has said that life will go on after the New Of The World was brought to an end.

Of course it will, he still has 6 horcruxes remaining...

Lofthouse Lower · Post by **Lofthouse Lower** » Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:40 pm

My great grandfather invented the glove.

Well, not really but he did have a hand in it.

Annoyed Grunt · Post by **Annoyed Grunt** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:20 am

When my neighbour confronted me about items missing from her washing line, I nearly shit her pants.

Montreal Wanderer · Post by **Montreal Wanderer** » Sun Jul 31, 2011 11:58 pm

Why Ethel changed motels.

Last week, Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely.
She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts
and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for
a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical
skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick
wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain
she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum.... She figured, what the heck,
nobody will ever know... I'll just give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you? Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she
would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great
massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I must be
straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex... I want it hot,
and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've
got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in
chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I am ready!! Now how
does that sound?"

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line".

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:26 pm

My girlfriend just asked me to do her hair for a reggae night.

I'm dreading it.

seanworth · Post by **seanworth** » Sun Aug 07, 2011 12:15 pm

Nothing like a terrible joke.

Gravedigger · Post by **Gravedigger** » Sun Aug 07, 2011 4:34 pm

jaffka wrote:Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John's and both were laid off.

So they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties and thongs."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next and when asked his occupation, he replied,"Diesel fitter." Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor."

"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew the elastic on the panties and the thongs. Mick puts dem over his head and says: "Yep, diesel fit her".

Fixed that for you, Taff

Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Re: Joke thread

Who is online

Connect with your social network account

Who is online