Joke thread
Moderator: Zulus Thousand of em
-
CrazyHorse
- Immortal
- Posts: 10572
- Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2005 2:51 pm
- Location: Up above the streets and houses
Re: Joke thread
I once bought a Bonnie Tyler satnav.
It was rubbish.
Kept telling me to turn around, and every now and then it fell apart.
It was rubbish.
Kept telling me to turn around, and every now and then it fell apart.
Businesswoman of the year.
Re: Joke thread
CrazyHorse wrote:I once bought a Bonnie Tyler satnav.
It was rubbish.
Kept telling me to turn around, and every now and then it fell apart.
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
Re: Joke thread
Just been on bigbustycoons.com
...
Damn, those guys really do have some great bus companies.
...
Damn, those guys really do have some great bus companies.
"Young people, nowadays, imagine money is everything."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
-
Worthy4England
- Immortal
- Posts: 34735
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 6:45 pm
Re: Joke thread
Verbal wrote:Just been on bigbustycoons.com
...
Damn, those guys really do have some great bus companies.
-
TANGODANCER
- Immortal
- Posts: 44175
- Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:35 pm
- Location: Between the Bible, Regency and the Rubaiyat and forever trying to light penny candles from stars.
Re: Joke thread
Can't find the image online, but in today's BN, a headline above a picture says, "Camel Patrol" Camel mounted riders celebrating India's independence etc. The pic shows just two riders ....on horseback. Great journalism...
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
-
2399
- Passionate
- Posts: 2084
- Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2010 1:55 pm
- Location: 10500+ Miles from the Reebok.
Re: Joke thread
Made this one up:
When former boxer Jeff Fenech becomes enraged what does he become?
Schizo-Fenech!
When former boxer Jeff Fenech becomes enraged what does he become?
Schizo-Fenech!
Re: Joke thread
CrazyHorse wrote:I once bought a Bonnie Tyler satnav.
It was rubbish.
Kept telling me to turn around, and every now and then it fell apart.
-
2399
- Passionate
- Posts: 2084
- Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2010 1:55 pm
- Location: 10500+ Miles from the Reebok.
Re: Joke thread
Just told the satnav joke to my Partner, she told it was very funny!
-
Worthy4England
- Immortal
- Posts: 34735
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 6:45 pm
Re: Joke thread
If (s)he's comparing it to the likes of Schizo-Fenech it probably is.2399 wrote:Just told the satnav joke to my Partner, she told it was very funny!
Re: Joke thread
I had one of them - it got me lost in france...CrazyHorse wrote:I once bought a Bonnie Tyler satnav.
It was rubbish.
Kept telling me to turn around, and every now and then it fell apart.
Re: Joke thread
thebish wrote:I had one of them - it got me lost in france...CrazyHorse wrote:I once bought a Bonnie Tyler satnav.
It was rubbish.
Kept telling me to turn around, and every now and then it fell apart.
Feckin' priceless!!!!!!!
-
Dujon
- Passionate
- Posts: 3340
- Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 1:37 am
- Location: Australia, near Sydney, NSW
- Contact:
Re: Joke thread
Victoria Azarenka, the eventual winner of the Australian Women's Tennis Open championship, asking the umpire to request the crowd to be quiet whilst points were being contested.
The final, contested by her and Maria Sharapova, was a symphony of cacophony. Even my wife, who loves tennis, eventually 'muted' the television sound.
The final, contested by her and Maria Sharapova, was a symphony of cacophony. Even my wife, who loves tennis, eventually 'muted' the television sound.
Re: Joke thread
Not at all living up to the brash Australian stereotype there.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
-
Gary the Enfield
- Legend
- Posts: 8610
- Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2009 2:08 pm
- Location: Enfield
Re: Joke thread
THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE
A hippie
gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.
He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God."
She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"
"Yeah?", says the hippie. "Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish. "Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!"
"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!
A hippie
gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.
He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God."
She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"
"Yeah?", says the hippie. "Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish. "Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!"
"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver!
-
boltonboris
- Immortal
- Posts: 14515
- Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 4:27 pm
Re: Joke thread
not really a joke - a REAL conversation at the dinner table just now between my middle son and daughter:
Carys: I think Iron Man would win because-
Emrys: Caw!
Carys: ...what?
Emrys: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the bird
Carys: I think Iron Man would win because-
Emrys: Caw!
Carys: ...what?
Emrys: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the bird
-
Annoyed Grunt
- Legend
- Posts: 8046
- Joined: Mon May 23, 2011 9:25 am
- Location: Bolton
Re: Joke thread
Guess you had to be there.
Re: Joke thread
not sure where to put this - but made me smile!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... hWoGrxWg#!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... hWoGrxWg#!
-
Montreal Wanderer
- Immortal
- Posts: 12948
- Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 12:45 am
- Location: Montreal, Canada
Re: Joke thread
AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out:
'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'
'Am I to count you as a believer?'
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'
'Very well', said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out:
'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'
'Am I to count you as a believer?'
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'
'Very well', said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Re: Joke thread
definitions for the 21st Century....
Sircumcision - the removal of one's knighthood...
Sircumcision - the removal of one's knighthood...
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 13 guests