Joke thread
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Gary the Enfield
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Re: Joke thread
thebish wrote:definitions for the 21st Century....
Sircumcision - the removal of one's knighthood...
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Dujon
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Re: Joke thread
Don't worry, Monty, I thought it was funny. 
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CrazyHorse
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Re: Joke thread
What has four legs and more money than Portsmouth?
Harry Redknapp's dog.
Harry Redknapp's dog.
Businesswoman of the year.
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Worthy4England
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Re: Joke thread
CrazyHorse wrote:What has four legs and more money than Portsmouth?
Harry Redknapp's dog.
Re: Joke thread
I bought my 'rotund' wife an X-Factor t-shirt the other day being as she is such a fan.
It was a disaster, not 5 minutes out of the door and she was hospitalised by a skydiver.
It was a disaster, not 5 minutes out of the door and she was hospitalised by a skydiver.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
Recieved this today:
My wife called me upstairs, all excited. "Look what I found in the cupboard, crotchless knickers" she said, poing seductively.
I didn't have the heart to tell the fat bitch it was one of my vests.
My wife called me upstairs, all excited. "Look what I found in the cupboard, crotchless knickers" she said, poing seductively.
I didn't have the heart to tell the fat bitch it was one of my vests.
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
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Dujon
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Re: Joke thread
You two (Pru and TANGO) should be drawn and quartered for those. 
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Andy Waller
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Re: Joke thread
I went to the zoo and all there was, was a little dog sat there.
It was a shit zoo.
It was a shit zoo.
What a hero, What a man...... Ooooh, what a bad foul...
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Bruce Rioja
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Re: Joke thread
You won't believe who I was behind in the queue at the cashpoint earlier - Harry Redkapp's dog! 
May the bridges I burn light your way
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boltonboris
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Re: Joke thread
Harry Redknapp should be the New England manager.
He'd definitely get the Patriots back to the Superbowl
He'd definitely get the Patriots back to the Superbowl
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
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CrazyHorse
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Re: Joke thread
Comedian Tim Vine has won the funniest joke award at this years Loaded Laftas comedy awards with this....
Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes
How crap must the rest of them been?
Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes
How crap must the rest of them been?
Businesswoman of the year.
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Bruce Rioja
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Re: Joke thread
Didn't he win something last year too for an effort equally as shite about hedgehogs sharing the hedge?CrazyHorse wrote:Comedian Tim Vine has won the funniest joke award at this years Loaded Laftas comedy awards with this....
Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes
How crap must the rest of them been?
May the bridges I burn light your way
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2399
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Re: Joke thread
He never accepted my Facebook Friend Request 
He then changed his name, probably so no other loser like me could request him
I should re request him
He then changed his name, probably so no other loser like me could request him
I should re request him
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CrazyHorse
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Re: Joke thread
A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport.
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant, so he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto
'We love to fly and it shows'.
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto:
'Winning the hearts of the world'.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto:
'Going beyond expectations'.
The woman looks at him sternly and says:
'What the Fck do you want?'
'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face,
"Ryanair".
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant, so he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto
'We love to fly and it shows'.
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto:
'Winning the hearts of the world'.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto:
'Going beyond expectations'.
The woman looks at him sternly and says:
'What the Fck do you want?'
'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face,
"Ryanair".
Businesswoman of the year.
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CrazyHorse
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Re: Joke thread
First I buy Michael Jackson tickets, then I buy Whitney Houston tickets...why can't Gary Neville ever go on tour?
Businesswoman of the year.
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Salford Trotter
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Re: Joke thread
Random quote: How come when your wife's pregnant everyone wants to rub her stomach and say 'congratulations', but no feck* wants to rub your knob? Just imagine it, a woman comes up to you in the street and starts rubbing your knob saying 'Oh well done, well done!' I just stand there and go 'Ah it was easy!' The woman replies, 'When's it coming?' 'Any fecking minute now if you carry on doing that!'- Lee Evans live at The O2
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