Joke thread

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CrazyHorse
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Re: Joke thread

Post by CrazyHorse » Mon Mar 12, 2012 12:51 pm

The Daily Mirror has given readers an anagram puzzle on its front page today: "Piers Morgan Uncut."
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The Axman
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Re: Joke thread

Post by The Axman » Mon Mar 12, 2012 12:58 pm

I've got it. I've got it. "Piers Morgan Ucnut". What prize do I win?
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Re: Joke thread

Post by CrazyHorse » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:02 pm

They're giving away the chance to watch an Arsenal game with Piers and his chums to the winner. The runner up has to watch two Arsenal games with him.
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plymouth wanderer
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Re: Joke thread

Post by plymouth wanderer » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:20 pm

i'm not saying my wife is a slag but even the labels in her knickers say Next
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thebish
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Re: Joke thread

Post by thebish » Tue Mar 13, 2012 12:15 pm

Not really a joke, but made me smile - and I can't write it on her fb-status for fear of appearing insensitive!! A fb-friend of mine has just posted that she is very worried because she cannot find her cat - Google..

there's summat dreadfully ironic in a cat that can't be found being named after a search engine!
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tripod
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Re: Joke thread

Post by tripod » Fri Mar 16, 2012 9:21 am

Manchester United's Europa clash versus Athletic Bilboa reminds me of a night out I had when I got diarrhoea.

Shit over both legs.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Annoyed Grunt » Fri Mar 16, 2012 10:15 am

tripod wrote:Manchester United's Europa clash versus Athletic Bilboa reminds me of a night out I had when I got diarrhoea.

Shit over both legs.
:D
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Re: Joke thread

Post by boltonboris » Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:25 am

I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away
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Re: Joke thread

Post by CrazyHorse » Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:28 am

boltonboris wrote:I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away
:lol: 8)
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Re: Joke thread

Post by thebish » Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:07 pm

boltonboris wrote:I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away
:oyea:

I'm nicking that!
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Annoyed Grunt » Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:39 pm

boltonboris wrote:I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away
:D
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Hoboh » Sat Mar 17, 2012 1:24 am

plymouth wanderer wrote:i'm not saying my wife is a slag but even the labels in her knickers say Next

:lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao:
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The Axman
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Re: Joke thread

Post by The Axman » Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:44 pm

boltonboris wrote:I know Channel 5 had to shuffle a few programmes to accomodate United, but I didn't expect them to lose Home & Away
I heard a lot of people's SatNavs have broken down. Mine too, it's telling me that Manchester's in Europe!
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Re: Joke thread

Post by The Axman » Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:20 pm

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perthwhite
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Re: Joke thread

Post by perthwhite » Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:38 pm

i entered a blindfolded masturbation race last night...

feck knows where i came
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Re: Joke thread

Post by davroduk » Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:51 pm

perthwhite wrote:i entered a blindfolded masturbation race last night...

feck knows where i came
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
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keveh
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Re: Joke thread

Post by keveh » Wed Mar 21, 2012 5:17 am

perthwhite wrote:i entered a blindfolded masturbation race last night...

feck knows where i came
Amazing!
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Re: Joke thread

Post by perthwhite » Wed Mar 21, 2012 5:11 pm

keveh wrote:
perthwhite wrote:i entered a blindfolded masturbation race last night...

feck knows where i came
Amazing!
your sarcasm offends me
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Re: Joke thread

Post by perthwhite » Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:12 pm

i'll stop at nothing to avoid negative numbers
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The Axman
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Re: Joke thread

Post by The Axman » Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:36 pm

I'm moving this one here.
Dave Sutton's barnet wrote:
Sepp Blatter said rather than wrote:I had a phone call from Phil Gartside, the chairman of Bolton, and I have to say it was a very emotional call. As he said, from time to time there are forces somewhere that have nothing to do with reality.
Blatter... Phil G... nothing to do with reality... there's gotta be a joke there, right?
Have you heard the one about the Qatari, Sepp Blatter, and Phil Gartside standing at a bar. The Qatari asked Phil Gartside how much he paid for his stadium, then he asks Sepp Blatter how much the Qataris should spend on their World Cup Stadium, to which Sepp Blatter said.... "no idea, I've nothing to do with realty". Ta da.

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