Joke thread

If you have a life outside of BWFC, then this is the place to tell us all about your toilet habits, and those bizarre fetishes.......

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Wandering Willy
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Wandering Willy » Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:07 pm

A nose walks into the pub.

Nose: Pint of bitter please.

Barman: I'm sorry I can't serve you.

Nose: Why not?

Barman: You're off your face.
They're dirty, they're filthy, they're never gonna last.
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Montreal Wanderer
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Mon Aug 06, 2012 3:40 pm

Wandering Willy wrote:A nose walks into the pub.

Nose: Pint of bitter please.

Barman: I'm sorry I can't serve you.

Nose: Why not?

Barman: You're off your face.
Must be some idiom that escapes me here... :?
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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boltonboris
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Re: Joke thread

Post by boltonboris » Mon Aug 06, 2012 5:10 pm

"off your face" is a slang term to describe somebody as being drunk / high etc..

Also see "off your tits", "smacked up to your eyeballs" and "fvcked"
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
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Wandering Willy
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Wandering Willy » Mon Aug 06, 2012 5:11 pm

Trust Monty to take the shine off my brilliant offering.
They're dirty, they're filthy, they're never gonna last.
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boltonboris
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Re: Joke thread

Post by boltonboris » Mon Aug 06, 2012 5:19 pm

Wandering Willy wrote:Trust Monty to take the shine off my brilliant offering.
Well.. It's an offering, at least.. :wink:
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Tue Aug 07, 2012 4:28 am

boltonboris wrote:"off your face" is a slang term to describe somebody as being drunk / high etc..

Also see "off your tits", "smacked up to your eyeballs" and "fvcked"
What an odd expression! Sorry, Willy, for spoiling the brilliance. Instead, you can now say the bra was refused because it was off your tits, or the nine because it was one over the eight. Endless variations available.
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Tue Aug 07, 2012 3:37 pm

Husband says to wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived ... I think I'll wear Gold tonight."
Wife says, "Why not wear Silver and come second for a change."
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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boltonboris
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Re: Joke thread

Post by boltonboris » Tue Aug 07, 2012 3:57 pm

Montreal Wanderer wrote:Husband says to wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived ... I think I'll wear Gold tonight."
Wife says, "Why not wear Silver and come second for a change."
My response to that would be: "Fvck it, I'll wear bronze and give your sister a shout, too"
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Bruce Rioja » Wed Aug 08, 2012 9:18 am

Image :D
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Re: Joke thread

Post by CrazyHorse » Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:00 pm

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered the unveiling of Jessica Ennis's Golden Postbox wasn't exactly what I thought it would be.
Businesswoman of the year.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Worthy4England » Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:07 pm

CrazyHorse wrote:Imagine my disappointment when I discovered the unveiling of Jessica Ennis's Golden Postbox wasn't exactly what I thought it would be.
And it's already been defaced.

I've been licking Victoria, this morning. Thank you, Royal Mail.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Bruce Rioja » Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:15 am

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Worthy4England
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Worthy4England » Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:17 pm

:lol:
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Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Mon Aug 13, 2012 7:51 am

Saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman earlier wearing a cat-flap.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by clapton is god » Mon Aug 13, 2012 8:03 am

Bookings now being taken.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by thebish » Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:03 am

:lol:
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Harry Genshaw
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Harry Genshaw » Mon Aug 13, 2012 7:55 pm

clapton is god wrote:Saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman earlier wearing a cat-flap.
:lol: One of the best I've seen on here :oyea:
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Re: Joke thread

Post by TANGODANCER » Fri Aug 17, 2012 8:29 pm

Message without words for a man who came home very late.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Montreal Wanderer » Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:32 am

Three guys on a road trip drive into a small town, for the night.
Only one hotel, with one vacancy, a room with just one double bed.
No choice, they take it, and all cozy up in the bed.

Next morning they wake up.

Guy on the left: What a night, I dreamed i got a hand job!
Gun on the right: Amazing, I had the exact same dream!
Guy in the middle: That's odd, I dreamed I was skiing....
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by jaffka » Mon Aug 20, 2012 9:23 pm

A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "Sir, you need to stop masturbating."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
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