Joke thread

[Montreal Wanderer]

My cigarette holder isn't pink!

I think he meant the Sobranie Cocktail cigarettes in it.

I remember getting some of them when I was about 16. Looked a right cnut all night.

I did the same with the Sobranie Black Russian things. Mr supercool . Price of them, I was back on Embassy next day.

Yes, I smoked those black things with a gold tip for a while. The intent was to be cool as they weren't all that good anyway (taste or smell).

[TANGODANCER]

My cigarette holder isn't pink!

I think he meant the Sobranie Cocktail cigarettes in it.

I remember getting some of them when I was about 16. Looked a right cnut all night.

I did the same with the Sobranie Black Russian things. Mr supercool . Price of them, I was back on Embassy next day.

Yes, I smoked those black things with a gold tip for a while. The intent was to be cool as they weren't all that good anyway (taste or smell).

Aye, anything to be different. I hd a spell of pipe smoking for a bit (Mr Big Fry or summat) and tried Sobranie pipe tobacco. It was absolutely rank.

[Always hopeful]

We truly live in dangerous times. Only yesterday, I went into my local W H Smiths and punched a bloke in the face.

[bobo the clown]

We truly live in dangerous times. Only yesterday, I went into my local W H Smiths and punched a bloke in the face.

there HAS to be a part-two to that tale.

[thebish]

[thebish]

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Gay marriage and marijuana legalised on the same day.
It all makes sense from a Biblical perspective:

Leviticus 20:13 – “if a man lays with another man he shall be stoned”

(we’ve just misinterpreted it all these years)

[thebish]

Vodka christmas cake recipe:

1 cup sugar, half pound butter, 1tsp baking powder, 1 cup water, 1tsp salt, 1cup brown sugar, lemon juice, 4 large eggs, nuts, 1....bottle vodka, 2 cups dried fruit, 4 cups self raising flour.
Sample a cup of vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, then repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it's best to make sure the vodka is still Ok. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the feckin window. Finish off the vodka and wipe the counter with the feckin cat.

[TANGODANCER]

The above is similar to Mick Millar's stage show where he told the kids a story about Little Noddy whilst drinking a bottle of vodka pretending it was water.

[Andy Waller]

The above is similar to Mick Millar's stage show where he told the kids a story about Little Noddy whilst drinking a bottle of vodka pretending it was water.

"Noddy pours himself some toast...."

Saw him live a couple of weeks ago in Chester, slightly dated but still very funny!

[Prufrock]

Just announced on the radio that the Hamas leader has been killed by Israeli attacks.

RIP Sam Allardyce.

[bobo the clown]

Whilst not wishing to belittle terrible, personal tragedy in any way .....


The story emerging about Cyril Smith interfering with teenage boys.

Well, really, if you coulldn't outrun that fat b'stard you deserved fckg.

[davroduk]

They say that $ex is the best form of exercise.
Well I dont see how two and a half minutes every other month is going to shift this fricken beer belly of mine !!!

[Annoyed Grunt]

They say that $ex is the best form of exercise.
Well I dont see how two and a half minutes every other month is going to shift this fricken beer belly of mine !!!

Every other month!? Lucky bastard.

[Dujon]

[TANGODANCER]

Just read this in a novel:

"The meat was so underdone that a good vet could have saved it"

[thebish]

Just read this in a novel:

"The meat was so underdone that a good vet could have saved it"

I used to have an American director of training at college - he liked his steaks rare - when waiters asked him how he wanted his steak he would always say "Just wipe it's arse and bring it to the table..."

[jaffka]

A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman for twelve-year-old scotch.

The barman thinks "This guy is pretty pretentious" and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch.

He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, "This isn't twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch"

The barman thinks, hey this guy knows what he's talking about, and the two of them get into a conversation about where the customer is from etc..

At one point an old guy, who was sitting at the other end of the bar comes over with a glass and hands it to the customer.

The latter takes a drink, and spits it out. "This is piss!" he yells.

The old guy nods and says, "Yeah, but how old am I?"

[Gooner Girl]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/BIC-For-Her-Med ... roduct_top" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Read the reviews...

[thebish]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/BIC-For-Her-Med ... roduct_top

Read the reviews...