Joke thread

[TANGODANCER]

Hmmmmmm. I don't understand men. Had hoped by posting on here over the years it might enlighten me a bit but no.

That's the problem. It is to simple.

Dan. A single lad of eighteen shouldn't be explaining to a married lady with two children how simple it all is. You're not learning much.

not sure how much GG would appreciate being called a "married lady" either!!

Ah, then a lady "in a relationship" with two children . My error.

[thebish]

it's the "lady" that might raise an eyebrow! (she's generally happy with "married"!)

[TANGODANCER]

it's the "lady" that might raise an eyebrow! (she's generally happy with "married"!)

Oh Lord. Didn't want to get into that part. As Billy Connelly once said about man-holes: " When a woman goes down them, up to the neck in shxt for a living, I'll call them person-holes, till then, they're man-holes"

[Worthy4England]

it's the "lady" that might raise an eyebrow! (she's generally happy with "married"!)

Thank god for that, I thought you were inferring she was living in sin.

[thebish]

it's the "lady" that might raise an eyebrow! (she's generally happy with "married"!)

Thank god for that, I thought you were inferring she was living in sin.

sussex... which, I believe is pretty much the same thing!

[thebish]

anyway - we need to get5 more with it with these jokes - i tried a couple on my 18yr old son on skype just now... with the following result:

[20:20:42] Me: awwww
[20:21:21] Me: i really should be doing some work - however i do like changing the colour of these salad items...
[20:21:31] Me: but i dye cress...
[20:21:43] him: very good
[20:21:54] Me: surely worth a lol!!
[20:22:30] Me: Brian, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. ‘Just released – New LP – Wasps of the world and the sounds that they make – Available now’.

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop and says: “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window.”

“Certainly sir”, says the man behind the counter. “If you'd like to step in the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you.”

Brian, world expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces: “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognise none of those.”

“I'm sorry sir”, says the young assistant. “If you'd care to step into the booth I can let you have another ten minutes.”

Brian, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. “I don’t understand it”, he says, “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I still can't recognise any of those.”

“I really am terribly sorry”, says the young assistant, “I've just realised I was playing the bee side.”
[20:22:46] him: whats an lp
[20:22:58] Me: oh!! - a record!
[20:23:15] Me: (long play)
[20:23:24] him: also
[20:23:25] him: whats a B Side
[20:23:30] Me:
[20:24:16] Me: epic joke fail!! records had an A side with the major hit on it - and a B side - for summat else they wanted to put there - like a little film before a big film! - you could play either side of a record
[20:24:20] Me: unlike a CD

[Worthy4England]

Pedant's corner.

Did LP's have an A and B side, given that they generally had multiple tracks on them? I though that was Singles and EP's, with LP's having "Side 1" and "Side 2".

[Annoyed Grunt]

Pedant's corner.

Did LP's have an A and B side, given that they generally had multiple tracks on them? I though that was Singles and EP's, with LP's having "Side 1" and "Side 2".

I don't get it?

[TANGODANCER]

Pedant's corner.

Did LP's have an A and B side, given that they generally had multiple tracks on them? I though that was Singles and EP's, with LP's having "Side 1" and "Side 2".

I don't get it?

[Worthy4England]

Pedant's corner.

Did LP's have an A and B side, given that they generally had multiple tracks on them? I though that was Singles and EP's, with LP's having "Side 1" and "Side 2".

I don't get it?

1-0 Chelsea.

[thebish]

Pedant's corner.

Did LP's have an A and B side,

no. they have a wasp and a bee side. keep up!

[Gooner Girl]

it's the "lady" that might raise an eyebrow! (she's generally happy with "married"!)

Thank god for that, I thought you were inferring she was living in sin.

sussex... which, I believe is pretty much the same thing!

I don't object to 'married' or 'lady' but I do object to Bish's slur on the country's best and most superior county of them all...

[mrkint]

Pedant's corner.

Did LP's have an A and B side, given that they generally had multiple tracks on them? I though that was Singles and EP's, with LP's having "Side 1" and "Side 2".

A bit off topic, but I got the Private Eye 50th Anniversary book last year for Christmas. In it showed a long-running debate between readers in the aforementioned Pedant's Corner part of the letter section, where they argued whether it should be apostrophe before or after the s. They changed it to Pedantry Corner in the end.

[mrkint]

I'm here to talk Bolton Wanderers but what I really like to do is change the colour of potted salad vegetables.

Anyway, I dyecress.

That's not part of the routine, is it?

Nah. I just have a soft spot for awful puns.

[TANGODANCER]

Pedant's corner.

Did LP's have an A and B side, given that they generally had multiple tracks on them? I though that was Singles and EP's, with LP's having "Side 1" and "Side 2".

A bit off topic, but I got the Private Eye 50th Anniversary book last year for Christmas. In it showed a long-running debate between readers in the aforementioned Pedant's Corner part of the letter section, where they argued whether it should be apostrophe before or after the s. They changed it to Pedantry Corner in the end.

After, or not at all. It's plural.

[thebish]

Pedant's corner.

Did LP's have an A and B side, given that they generally had multiple tracks on them? I though that was Singles and EP's, with LP's having "Side 1" and "Side 2".

it's a pretty poor pedant's corner that puts an apostrophe in there and there and there...

[Prufrock]

Isn't. Is acceptable, if uncommon, to use an apostrophe before the 's' when forming the plural of an acronym. So ner.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Isn't. Is acceptable, if uncommon, to use an apostrophe before the 's' when forming the plural of an acronym. So ner.

The Oxford apostrophe. (I made that up. Obviously. Or IMTU's)

[thebish]

Isn't. Is acceptable, if uncommon, to use an apostrophe before the 's' when forming the plural of an acronym. So ner.

maybe - but NOT in pedant's corner!

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Isn't. Is acceptable, if uncommon, to use an apostrophe before the 's' when forming the plural of an acronym. So ner.

maybe - but NOT in pedant's corner!

*cough* Pedants' corner, please.