Joke thread

bwfcdan94 · Post by **bwfcdan94** » Sat Jul 20, 2013 7:56 pm

davroduk wrote:I said to my wife, "If you lick my balls I'll come."

She said, "feck off, you're going shopping with me, whether you like it or not."

Andy Waller · Post by **Andy Waller** » Thu Jul 25, 2013 9:07 am

What's green and does Kung Fu?

Bruce Pea.

davroduk · Post by **davroduk** » Fri Jul 26, 2013 11:46 am

The future Monarch of the UK has probably just shat himself, dribbled a bit, and rolled on the floor.

Good old Charles.

davroduk · Post by **davroduk** » Fri Jul 26, 2013 11:47 am

Father O'Reilly let the kids of the Parish shave his hair off for charity.
He was asked afterwards how he felt.
He said, "It feels a bit strange but I actually think it makes my cock look bigger" !!

davroduk · Post by **davroduk** » Fri Jul 26, 2013 11:48 am

My local church was robbed last night, they took everything that wasn't nailed down.

At least Jesus was safe.

Bijou Bob · Post by **Bijou Bob** » Fri Jul 26, 2013 12:33 pm

I'm wondering if the young future monarch will be allowed to suck on a dodi. Possibly not, looking at the trouble it caused last time it happened............

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Fri Jul 26, 2013 12:33 pm

davroduk wrote:My local church was robbed last night, they took everything that wasn't nailed down.

At least Jesus was safe.

Yes!!

CrazyHorse · Post by **CrazyHorse** » Fri Jul 26, 2013 12:34 pm

Bijou Bob wrote:I'm wondering if the young future monarch will be allowed to suck on a dodi. Possibly not, looking at the trouble it caused last time it happened............

davroduk · Post by **davroduk** » Sat Jul 27, 2013 12:23 pm

I'm trying to sell all my old dogging equipment on eBay.

Not had any bids but there's loads of people watching.

thebish · Post by **thebish** » Sat Jul 27, 2013 4:47 pm

Gooner Girl · Post by **Gooner Girl** » Sat Jul 27, 2013 7:04 pm

thebish wrote:

Smell should be a bigger chunk of the ladies pie chart

Bijou Bob · Post by **Bijou Bob** » Sun Jul 28, 2013 9:34 pm

Last night my other half grabbed me by the ears, shoved my head under the covers and asked me to gently rim her ass with my tongue, before begging me to suck gently on her Clitoris and make her gush with my tongue.

This morning, she bollocked me up and down for taking a swig of milk straight from the bottle cos apparently "It's disgusting" .

I'll never understand women..................

mrkint · Post by **mrkint** » Mon Jul 29, 2013 9:56 am

davroduk wrote:I'm trying to sell all my old dogging equipment on eBay.

Not had any bids but there's loads of people watching.

What equipment is there for dogging? Surely it's just a car.

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Mon Jul 29, 2013 10:08 am

mrkint wrote:
davroduk wrote:I'm trying to sell all my old dogging equipment on eBay.

Not had any bids but there's loads of people watching.
What equipment is there for dogging? Surely it's just a car.

... a lead, a bowl, cans of Chum ?

Lost Leopard Spot · Post by **Lost Leopard Spot** » Tue Jul 30, 2013 9:45 am

not strictly a joke as such, but it made me smile when I overheard this conversation in the pub last night:

Some bloke - " Are you Keith?"
Keith - "Yes, why?"
Some bloke - "I heard you sell free-range eggs from your own chickens"
Keith - "I do when I've got them spare, but friends are first in the queue"
Some bloke - "Have you got any at the moment?"
Keith - "Yes, how many do you want?"
Some bloke -"Well, how much are they?"
Keith - "50p for six"
...
Some bloke - "wow, that's a paltry amount"

me -

clapton is god · Post by **clapton is god** » Tue Jul 30, 2013 10:02 am

thebish · Post by **thebish** » Tue Jul 30, 2013 10:23 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-1lmz3qreY" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

oh yes!

(GG does this...)

malcd1 · Post by **malcd1** » Tue Jul 30, 2013 12:18 pm

thebish wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-1lmz3qreY

oh yes!

(GG does this...)

Brilliant.

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Tue Jul 30, 2013 2:19 pm

People think that the only vegetable that makes you cry is the onion.

That is until they get hit in the face by a turnip.

thebish · Post by **thebish** » Tue Jul 30, 2013 2:55 pm

from this site of mobile phone autocorrect disasters...

http://seriouslyforreal.com/funny/the-2 ... irst-year/

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