Joke thread

[bwfcdan94]

the adventures of Mr Gove...

http://webofwooders.com/forum/gove.htm

This made my day and I hate teachers.

Your best friends Dan. Wish I'd listened a bit more carefully to some of mine.

teachers are not your best friends... if one tells you that he is - you should be worried!

, teachers in general are out of touch with the real world and don't have very little knowledge of the world of work (they get 12 weeks of a year for Christ sakes). Are you making the suggestion I don't have any friends Tango?..... oh.

[LeverEnd]

the adventures of Mr Gove...

http://webofwooders.com/forum/gove.htm

This made my day and I hate teachers.

Your best friends Dan. Wish I'd listened a bit more carefully to some of mine.

teachers are not your best friends... if one tells you that he is - you should be worried!

, teachers in general are out of touch with the real world and don't have very little knowledge of the world of work (they get 12 weeks of a year for Christ sakes). Are you making the suggestion I don't have any friends Tango?..... oh.

Go on Dan, explain the 'real world' to us, or your version thereof. As a teacher I'd like to hear your valuable insights.

[bwfcdan94]

Personally I think that teachers are some what removed from the real world for 3 main reasons
1. No matter how poorly they perform their chances of being sacked are next to none
2. As I have said they get at least 12 weeks holiday a year
3. Their hours are a lot less then that of any other profession. hey moan about having to mark work even thought they are not be challenged in the slightest as their knowledge is obviously far superior on whatever subject they teach compared to the students they are teaching

I will happily admit that teachers salaries are not great and that they do have to deal with problems that you just wont come across in other professions such as behaviour of students and supporting students who may get a rough time of it at home but I personally think they get a pretty easy ride of it compared to the rest of us.

This simply my opinion and I certainly don't have any personal disliking to teaching as a job. As a teacher what do you have to say to my opinions LE. Where do you teach btw.

[TANGODANCER]

You're flogging a wrong horse here Dan. Teachers hours, wages and performance have absolutely nothing to do with what you see as the real world. They aren't there to teach you a job, just give you the tools to get one and give you some basic intelligence to cope with life. What happens after that isn't up to them, it's up to you. If you think they're on a soft number there's nothing to stop you taking a teacher training course and getting yourself the same soft job. Easy, go for it.

Take it over to General chit-chat or somewhere though will you. This is the jokes thread

[LeverEnd]

Personally I think that teachers are some what removed from the real world for 3 main reasons
1. No matter how poorly they perform their chances of being sacked are next to none
2. As I have said they get at least 12 weeks holiday a year
3. Their hours are a lot less then that of any other profession. hey moan about having to mark work even thought they are not be challenged in the slightest as their knowledge is obviously far superior on whatever subject they teach compared to the students they are teaching

I will happily admit that teachers salaries are not great and that they do have to deal with problems that you just wont come across in other professions such as behaviour of students and supporting students who may get a rough time of it at home but I personally think they get a pretty easy ride of it compared to the rest of us.

This simply my opinion and I certainly don't have any personal disliking to teaching as a job. As a teacher what do you have to say to my opinions LE. Where do you teach btw.

1 used to be true but is no longer the case. Many weak teachers have been moved on in recent years as you can't get away with just muddling along these days. Unfortunately many decent teachers have been marginalised not for poor performance but because they refuse to pander to some of the management bullshit.

2 True, but hardly indicates removal from the real world.

3 Hours are variable. Many teachers work very long hours as there is no limit on the amount fo the stuff you can prepare. It was fairly easy to get away with doing little but there's a lot more scrutiny now.

4 Moaning. Happens in all professions, but I don't hear anyone moaning about marking, more about constant political meddling and targets being set and changed with the wind. Most teachers I know think they have a decent job, but object to being denigrated by tools in government telling them they aren't doing things properly while never having done it themselves.

The hardest part of being a teacher is that it is emotionally draining (assuming you give a shit) which I didn't realise til I did it. Kids are hard work, even the nice ones because you want to get the best out of them.
Pay and pensions are good if you ask me, no complaints there.

As for the bold bit, slight change of tack from 'hating teachers'!
In summary I'd say it's a decent job with obvious perks, but certainly not an easy ride. I personally am bored of it and quit my contract job a while ago, now working as a supply teacher while I look for something else.
What is you do that makes it an easy ride by comparison?! Coal miner? Longshoreman?

[LeverEnd]

Anyway to get back on thread TD....

Feargal Sharkey spent hours in my fireplace shop yesterday.

It seems a good hearth is hard to find.

[Prufrock]

I went to a group therapy session today.
The woman who was running the group said,
"On the count of three, everyone share a secret about themselves."
"One...."
"I can't count,"

[LeverEnd]

I have no objection to people being spontaneous,I just think there is a time and a place for it.

[davroduk]

I have no objection to people being spontaneous,I just think there is a time and a place for it.

Ta Dah

[seanworth]

Nice.

[jaffka]

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.

The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him. "You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

[Prufrock]

There's a full body photo of Lisa Riley on the sleeve of her autobiography, 'Never Judge A Book By Its Cover'.

Anyway, the book's about a fat lass.

[jaffka]

Man: "I heard an interesting stat recently. Apparently 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?"

Woman: "No, what?"

Man: "Yeah, I figured you were in the first group."

[boltonboris]

There's a full body photo of Lisa Riley on the sleeve of her autobiography, 'Never Judge A Book By Its Cover'.

Anyway, the book's about a fat lass.

Speaking of which, there's an email going around at the moment entitled "nude photo's of actress Lisa Riley"

DO NOT OPEN IT...

As it contains nude photo's of actress Lisa Riley

[boltonboris]

Stevie Wonder was doing an intimate gig in a Japanese club.

After his set, he asked for some requests..

A man stood up and shouted "do a jazz chord".

So Stevie pulls off an incredible jazzy little tune and the crowd go wild!

Japanese bloke stands up again, looking confused.. "No, no. Do a jazz chord"

Wanting to impress the bloke, Stevie pulls off another worldy and send the place into raptures"

Japanese bloke stands up, blood red and yells "NO!.......DO 'A JAZZ CHORD, TO SAY I RUV YOU'"

[bwfcdan94]

Man: "I heard an interesting stat recently. Apparently 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?"

Woman: "No, what?"

Man: "Yeah, I figured you were in the first group."

, brilliant.

[Annoyed Grunt]

Cliff Richard was doing an intimate gig in a Japanese club.

After his set, he asked for some requests..

A man stood up and shouted "tits and fanny".

Cliff gets annoyed with the chap and ignores him

Japanese bloke stands up again "Do tits and fanny"

Cliff, getting more annoyed says to the man "I have never written a song like that!!"

Japanese bloke stands up, blood red and yells "Yes you have.....tits and fanny, how we don't talk anymore.

[bobo the clown]

Very old, but it came to my attention today & it's still amusing .... & SOME people may never have heard it, maybe.
=========================================
Once upon a time, there was an inflatable boy. The inflatable boy lived in an inflatable house, with an inflatable family. He went to an inflatable school with inflatable classmates, an inflatable teacher and even an inflatable head master.

One day, the inflatable boy took a pin to his inflatable school. The inflatable teacher looked around and saw deflated classmates, deflated desks and even a deflated wall in the classroom. He let out a gasp and sent the inflatable boy to the inflatable Head's office, for having a pin was the ultimate misbehaviour for an inflatable boy, in an inflatable school.

The inflatable head master saw him and said, "I'm very disappointed in you. You've not only let your classmates down and you've also let me down but, worst of all, you've let the whole school down!"

[Annoyed Grunt]

Still amusing?

[seanworth]

Still amusing?

Well you burst his bubble.