Joke thread

[Harry Genshaw]

I was going to sue Ryan Air for losing my luggage. Sadly, my Solicitor thinks I don't have a case

[PC1978]

Juan Mata has been arrested. Its against the law to go 60mph in reverse down the M6.

[PC1978]

Juan Mata has been unable to sign for United. Its because of all the dodgy pens at Old Trafford.

[PC1978]

David Moyes says that United will definitely be taking part in European competition next season, even if he has to write the song himself.

[thebish]

[thebish]

Pranksters have adapted the lit-up name of a famous brewery in Blackburn after redundancies were announced...

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Solipsists - I'm surprised there aren't more of us!

[thebish]

[Prufrock]

Boo to women day:

How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, as long as it's a bloke.








If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a f*cking accident?

[bobo the clown]

If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a f*cking accident?

No time. She'd never have got to 60 !!

... & why's her indicator been on for the past 7 miles ?

[Worthy4England]

If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a f*cking accident?

No time. She'd never have got to 60 !!

... & why's her indicator been on for the past 7 miles ?

To draw greater attention to the fog lights - in case you missed them?

[Always hopeful]

If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a f*cking accident?

No time. She'd never have got to 60 !!

... & why's her indicator been on for the past 7 miles ?

To draw greater attention to the fog lights - in case you missed them?

or that the indicator stalk's a handy place for hanging handbags on.

[clapton is god]

If Mary, James, Peter, Richard, David and John are all in separate vehicles, travelling at a constant speed of 60mph, in a forward direction with no obstacles, at which point is Mary likely to stamp on her brakes and cause a f*cking accident?

No time. She'd never have got to 60 !!

... & why's her indicator been on for the past 7 miles ?

To draw greater attention to the fog lights - in case you missed them?

or that the indicator stalk's a handy place for hanging handbags on.

Or, showing my age, the choke.

[LeverEnd]

Extra credit for adding "y" or "ie" at the end of your first name.

[Prufrock]

.

You do get the added bonus of being, give or take, 8 billion times cooler than John Lydon and his pals.

[Worthy4England]

.

You do get the added bonus of being, give or take, 8 billion times cooler than John Lydon and his pals.

Hmmmm. 8,000,000,000 * 0 = ?

[Montreal Wanderer]

.

You do get the added bonus of being, give or take, 8 billion times cooler than John Lydon and his pals.

Hmmmm. 8,000,000,000 * 0 = ?

Just out of transatlantic curiosity is a British billion now the same as an American billion?

[Worthy4England]

.

You do get the added bonus of being, give or take, 8 billion times cooler than John Lydon and his pals.

Hmmmm. 8,000,000,000 * 0 = ?

Just out of transatlantic curiosity is a British billion now the same as an American billion?

No, I'm just used to working in US currency...

[Enoch]

The wife and kids are leaving me. She says my love for horse racing is getting out of hand.

They're at the gate.....

And they're off.............

[Bruce Rioja]

What's the difference between a 1984 gold medal and a cow?


Torville and Dean don't know how to milk a cow.