Joke thread

[Prufrock]

Two Unicorns were on Noah's Ark when one said to the other, "Hi, I'm George."

The other replies, "Pleased to meet you George, I'm Arthur."

[TANGODANCER]

Two Unicorns were on Noah's Ark when one said to the other, "Hi, I'm George."

The other replies, "Pleased to meet you George, I'm Arthur."

Yes.....

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Peaches: the Geldof family are deciding how to send her off; buried, cremated or tinned!

[jaffka]

This is one for the bish

A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him. "Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested".
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.

Back at the church he sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"

She replies, "Twenty dollars. Same as in town".

[CrazyHorse]

An Altar Boy goes in for confession...
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and please behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'Well...what'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads .....'

[bwfcdan94]

An Altar Boy goes in for confession...
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and please behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'Well...what'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads .....'

[Worthy4England]

[thebish]

Two Geordies were having dinner in an Indian restaurant when a car crashed through the window and mowed them down. Amazingly, they both survived, although one now has a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma.

[Gary the Enfield]

Two Geordies were having dinner in an Indian restaurant when a car crashed through the window and mowed them down. Amazingly, they both survived, although one now has a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma.

Sheesh!

[Bruce Rioja]

Two Geordies were having dinner in an Indian restaurant when a car crashed through the window and mowed them down. Amazingly, they both survived, although one now has a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma.

Shamibolic

[LeverEnd]

Rejection letter....




Dear Sir










On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for the application you have provided for your wife to appear on our forthcoming reality show and also for the charming photograph you enclosed with the application letter.

Whilst agreeing that she would no doubt make a worthy contribution to the programme if selected, I would take this opportunity to advise you that the correct title of the new series is actually "Fact Hunt".

Kind regards

Channel 4

[bwfcdan94]

Two Geordies were having dinner in an Indian restaurant when a car crashed through the window and mowed them down. Amazingly, they both survived, although one now has a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma.

The car crashed by itself?

[Gary the Enfield]

Two Geordies were having dinner in an Indian restaurant when a car crashed through the window and mowed them down. Amazingly, they both survived, although one now has a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma.

The car crashed by itself?

[bwfcdan94]

Two Geordies were having dinner in an Indian restaurant when a car crashed through the window and mowed them down. Amazingly, they both survived, although one now has a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma.

The car crashed by itself?

It was a joke duh. I can't believe you think I am that stupid.

[clapton is god]

Two Geordies were having dinner in an Indian restaurant when a car crashed through the window and mowed them down. Amazingly, they both survived, although one now has a dodgy tikka and the other's in a korma.

I was buying a birthday card for my daughter yesterday and this very joke was there on the shelf. The punchline was 'I was naan too pleased either."

I didn't buy it.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

What's the most difficult thing that you can explain about modern life to somebody who has been brought back to life from earlier generations?

It's this: I have a small device here, that I can carry in my back pocket, that can access the sum knowledge of all mankind. I use it to find pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.

[thebish]

What's the most difficult thing that you can explain about modern life to somebody who has been brought back to life from earlier generations?

It's this: I have a small device here, that I can carry in my back pocket, that can access the sum knowledge of all mankind. I use it to find pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.

all the evidence would suggest you don't need any technology to do that!!

[Montreal Wanderer]

What's the most difficult thing that you can explain about modern life to somebody who has been brought back to life from earlier generations?

It's this: I have a small device here, that I can carry in my back pocket, that can access the sum knowledge of all mankind. I use it to find pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.

It might be difficult to explain what this is doing in a joke thread.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

What's the most difficult thing that you can explain about modern life to somebody who has been brought back to life from earlier generations?

It's this: I have a small device here, that I can carry in my back pocket, that can access the sum knowledge of all mankind. I use it to find pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.

It might be difficult to explain what this is doing in a joke thread.

[TANGODANCER]

I'll give Pru's Noah's Ark joke a push for joke of the month.