Crap Towns

[thebish]

http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/

first entry - in sussex - one for GG...

"top" ten are supposedly:

1. Hull
Mike says: “I was born and bred in Hull and can honestly say you’re bang on with your description. What a f**king dump this place is”

2. Middlesbrough
Jimi says: “I have lived on the outskirts of Boro for 29 years and would never dream of living within Boro itself, it really is a shithole”

3. Bradford
Faggy says: “I have had the misfortune of living in the Bradford area for most of my life and can honestly say anyone disagreeing with this has either never been there, is delusional, or is a smacked up chav”

4. Croydon
Anonymous says: “Croydon and many parts of the UK are descending into shit with this underclass of backward sheep filth that are the chavs – and this is the future of the country – we are f**ked”

5. Hackney
Anonymous says: “I’m staying with a friend who lives in Hackney (near Hackney Ctrl Tube Station)… is it really the worst place in the UK”

6. Gravesend
bigupboi says: “Gravesend is populated by the most grotesque, loathsome, vile and vulgar sub-human vermin that one could ever have the misfortune to come across. The vast majority of its inhabitants (chavs and pikies) are foul, hateful, and degraded beings who, in evolutionary terms, have not evolved much from the amoeba”

7. Salford
Anonymous says: “I’ve lived in Salford for 21 years and seen it go from crap to even crapper. Anyone stupid enough to use public transport in Salford will most certainly agree that the M10 and 67 buses are scary”

8. Nottingham
Jaded Agoraphobic says: “I’ve lived there all my life and I don’t think I’ve ever been into town, day or night, without seeing someone being attacked or harassed, or some dregs of society having it out in the street”

9. Stoke-on-Trent
Anonymous says: “How can you describe Stoke? Well if the actual World needed an enema, Stoke-on-Trent would be where they shove the pipe”

10. Barking & Dagenham
Anonymous says: “Dagenham has all the charm of a fetid pool of primordial muck. If Chav heaven is in Romford, then Dagenham is the gateway between heaven and hell”

[BWFC_Insane]

the town where I will be moving has a hotel - and a brown-sign advert proclaiming "the hotel that inspired the idea for Faulty Towers"

now... it's NOT the place where it was filmed - but presumably the place where the writer of Faulty Towers had such a shitty stay that he wrote the series...

would you really want that as your advert???

I imagine it gets people in out of sheer curiosity. They are probably mighty disappointed when they can't find Manuel......

[Verbal]

Hackney is lovely.

[Gooner Girl]

http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/

first entry - in sussex - one for GG...

Never been to hailsham!

[Bruce Rioja]

the town where I will be moving has a hotel - and a brown-sign advert proclaiming "the hotel that inspired the idea for Faulty Towers"

now... it's NOT the place where it was filmed - but presumably the place where the writer of Faulty Towers had such a shitty stay that he wrote the series...

would you really want that as your advert???

I've stayed there, Bish. It's The Gleneagles Hotel, and when I stayed there it was still owned and being run by the miserable bastard that Cleese based Fawlty on. I came out of a meeting in Watford and drove, mainly cross-country to Torquay. When I arrived in reception (about 10:30pm) 'Basil' was stood behind the reception desk with a face like thunder. "Mr Rioja, I take it. We were expecting you a little earlier than this". "Why? I hadn't specified a time" cue mumbling and the slamming down of a room key. "Can I still get something to eat?" "No, the kitchens closed", "OK, any chance you could just knock me up a sandwich or something. please?" "No, I've told you, the kitchen's closed. If you're that hungry there are crisps and nuts behind the bar". So, I just went to bed hungry. The next morning I went to check out and he was there again. "Err, are you checking out before breakfast? I've cooked you breakfast", "Well you eat it then!" and out I walked. Arrived at my meeting in Torquay and got telling the tale to the guys I was meeting with, all of whom fell about laughing before telling me the Fawlty Towers / Basil Fawlty story. Apparently the Monty Python team stayed there in the early 70's and the rest is history.
I was always a little sceptical, however, a few years later yon miserable bastard put it up for sale and the Sunday Times ran a The-real-Fawlty-Towers article on it.

[thebish]

the town where I will be moving has a hotel - and a brown-sign advert proclaiming "the hotel that inspired the idea for Faulty Towers"

now... it's NOT the place where it was filmed - but presumably the place where the writer of Faulty Towers had such a shitty stay that he wrote the series...

would you really want that as your advert???

I've stayed there, Bish. It's The Gleneagles Hotel, and when I stayed there it was still owned and being run by the miserable bastard that Cleese based Fawlty on. I came out of a meeting in Watford and drove, mainly cross-country to Torquay. When I arrived in reception (about 10:30pm) 'Basil' was stood behind the reception desk with a face like thunder. "Mr Rioja, I take it. We were expecting you a little earlier than this". "Why? I hadn't specified a time" cue mumbling and the slamming down of a room key. "Can I still get something to eat?" "No, the kitchens closed", "OK, any chance you could just knock me up a sandwich or something. please?" "No, I've told you, the kitchen's closed. If you're that hungry there are crisps and nuts behind the bar". So, I just went to bed hungry. The next morning I went to check out and he was there again. "Err, are you checking out before breakfast? I've cooked you breakfast", "Well you eat it then!" and out I walked. Arrived at my meeting in Torquay and got telling the tale to the guys I was meeting with, all of whom fell about laughing before telling me the Fawlty Towers / Basil Fawlty story. Apparently the Monty Python team stayed there in the early 70's and the rest is history.
I was always a little sceptical, however, a few years later yon miserable bastard put it up for sale and the Sunday Times ran a The-real-Fawlty-Towers article on it.

fabulous!

[Little Green Man]

Donald Sinclair was the evidently the prototype for Basil.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Sin ... l_owner%29

I worked one summer as a waiter in a hotel in Torquay in 1982. It purported to have 3 AA stars but behind the Victorian facade it was a madhouse, with the inmates including a Czech chef, Hungarian dishwasher and a group of teenage runaways from Kirkintilloch serving up packet soups to pensioners on their annual National Coaches holiday. The building is now the UK headquarters for a drinks company that markets alcopops.

[Harry Genshaw]

Bruce - that almost sounds like the opening scene to the Americans episode. You didn't offer any of that mickey mouse money to him so the chef could knock you up a Waldorf salad?

Any road for me;

Croydon & Acton darn sarf
Wrexham in Wales
Wishaw in Scotland
Locally can there be a bigger 5hithole than Radcliffe? It makes Farnworth look like Cheltenham.
Katsouri's despite its rather dubious local reputation is the best sandwich shop in the rather excellent (imo) Bury.

[Bruce Rioja]

Can't have been the same guy then if he died in 81, but the bloke I was met by was upholding the tradition very well indeed.

Spent many a happy weekend in Kirkintilloch and Milton of Campsie too. I should write a book

[Bijou Bob]

Looking at my first post, I now feel it lacked geographical balance and whilst I've had extremely bad experiences in Scunthorpe and Toxteth, Walsall and Wolverhampton take the Midlands prize for being hellholes whilst Darn Sarf I never could get my head around people liking Brighton - it's like Blackpool but full of blokes kissing each other and more beggars than Ive ever seen in one place. King of Sleaze.

For sheer 'Sweet Jesus get me out of here' ness though I nominate Walthamstowe. The last time I walked through the town centre there were 4 Police incident signs for stabbings/serious assaults in 250 meters. Still didn't frighten me as much as Boro though.

[William the White]

Looking at my first post, I now feel it lacked geographical balance and whilst I've had extremely bad experiences in Scunthorpe and Toxteth, Walsall and Wolverhampton take the Midlands prize for being hellholes whilst Darn Sarf I never could get my head around people liking Brighton - it's like Blackpool but full of blokes kissing each other and more beggars than Ive ever seen in one place. King of Sleaze.

For sheer 'Sweet Jesus get me out of here' ness though I nominate Walthamstowe. The last time I walked through the town centre there were 4 Police incident signs for stabbings/serious assaults in 250 meters. Still didn't frighten me as much as Boro though.

If you're doing the Black Country it's a shame to miss out West Bromwich...

[bobo the clown]

Wrexham in Wales

How very dare you !?!?

Mr Hopeful & I will be round your quick-sticks.

Town centre is weird. They spent years gentrifying it, then build a new slighly off-centre new development which meant all the stoes de-camped JUST as the crisis hit & so the 'main' street is a combination of empty stores, charity shops & £shops.

There are 2 rough areas, but Breighmet they aren't.

The general area however is lovely ... & rather 'Cheshire' in style (as it, frankly, should be.)


Ah, Brighton, now we're talking. Glory hole of the worst sort & feted by the Southern Jessies, but it is fckg horrible.


& that whole West Bromwich, Sandwell, Wolverhampton, Walsall shit heap only lacks the addition of Stoke to make down-town Gaza look smart.

[Harry Genshaw]

Wrexham in Wales

How very dare you !?!?

Mr Hopeful & I will be round your quick-sticks.

Ahh sorry Bobo. It might well be lovely now. I obviously saw the worst bits during my 2 visits there in the 1980s

[Hoboh]

Wrexham in Wales

How very dare you !?!?

Mr Hopeful & I will be round your quick-sticks.

Ahh sorry Bobo. It might well be lovely now. I obviously saw the worst bits during my 2 visits there in the 1980s

Wrexham ain't that bad actually, tis better tha ours

[thebish]

Looking at my first post, I now feel it lacked geographical balance and whilst I've had extremely bad experiences in Scunthorpe and Toxteth, Walsall and Wolverhampton take the Midlands prize for being hellholes whilst Darn Sarf I never could get my head around people liking Brighton - it's like Blackpool but full of blokes kissing each other and more beggars than Ive ever seen in one place. King of Sleaze.

For sheer 'Sweet Jesus get me out of here' ness though I nominate Walthamstowe. The last time I walked through the town centre there were 4 Police incident signs for stabbings/serious assaults in 250 meters. Still didn't frighten me as much as Boro though.

Walthamstow is ace for a rich variety of multi-ethnic open-all-hours shops though... I'd much rather wander down the chaotic, rich and vibrant walthamstow high street than the sterile collection of coffee shops, nail bars, charity shops and estate agents that make up Upminster high street....

[Jakerbeef]

Ireland has a surfeit of crap towns. From personal experience Athlone is rubbish and is little more than a bus stop.

There's more crap surburbs to choose from in Dublin. Crap as in 'dodgy', Finglas was particularly shit and boasts an area nicknamed 'the killing fields'. It was unnerving waiting for a bus out of there.

[Il Pirate]

Guildford. Basingstoke. Reading. Portsmouth is a sh ithole, but the place has a soul about it strangely. One place I used to visit regularly & coudn't wait to get the hell out of, was Bicester.

[thebish]

it's a very tricky thing to judge... My experience of towns/cities - and I have lived in a fair few of them

(Southampton, Manchester, Bolton, Burnley, Northampton, Leamington Spa, Oxford, Upminster, Hartlepool, Wandsworth, Vauxhall...)

is that my impression of them depends more on the people who I form friendships with in that place than the particular shops or architecture or general facilities...

f'rinstance - Vauxhall (where I lived in a squat behind the gas tanks near the cricket ground) is a total dump - BUT I lived with some fab people - so I remember it as a great place to live...

[lovethesmellofnapalm]

I live in Nantwich, which is nice to look at with lots of pubs and crumpet.

Within 5 miles is Crewe. Which is a piss-hole.

and Middlewich which is quite shit and Northwich which is unremittingly shit... oh and lets not forgret Winsford which provides a different level. Not all great in South Cheshire.

[lovethesmellofnapalm]

Luton would be top of my list though
closely followed by Barnsley