Today I'm angry about.....

[Bruce Rioja]

Thankfully I don't recognise any of the absolute bollocks that you lot clearly listen to.

In fairness, the song Lost Leopard Spot is referring to, came to prominence via the Carlsberg advert (which was bloody difficult to avoid)

Well I seem to have managed it

Actually think it may have been Heinekin...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqUnsKMsRxM" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

You sure you avoided it? You did well if you have...

Yep - that's the first time I've ever seen it. I've heard that tune before though, it's very catchy and perhaps not absolute bollocks at all.

[Worthy4England]

Thankfully I don't recognise any of the absolute bollocks that you lot clearly listen to.

In fairness, the song Lost Leopard Spot is referring to, came to prominence via the Carlsberg advert (which was bloody difficult to avoid)

Well I seem to have managed it

Actually think it may have been Heinekin...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqUnsKMsRxM" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

You sure you avoided it? You did well if you have...

Yep - that's the first time I've ever seen it. I've heard that tune before though, it's very catchy and perhaps not absolute bollocks at all.

And it does sort of stay with you....unfortunately for quite a long time...

[Bruce Rioja]

And it does sort of stay with you....unfortunately for quite a long time...

It is doing, but so is the image of the honey that sings it

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Haha ha har ha.

[TANGODANCER]

Virgin media just banged my bill up by £2.24 a month. Like they're really poor and need it.

[Lord Kangana]

They need something to make up for the Government subsidy they lost with the trains Tango.

[Gooner Girl]

Darn dog. Ate the felt Christmas decoration I spent ages at a friend sewing together last night. I'm crap at sewing and was quite proud of it. Thought I had put it out of reach. Gutted.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Darn dog. Ate the felt Christmas decoration I spent ages at a friend sewing together last night. I'm crap at sewing and was quite proud of it. Thought I had put it out of reach. Gutted.

You shouldn't leave tasty treats hanging about.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Arrrrrgh. Feckin Amazon.
Ordered Iain M Banks's new book yesterday. Guaranteed one day delivery. Feckin' Guaranteed. Parcel Force van has just left after delivering hundreds of parcels to work. Was there a parcel for me? Was there fxck.

Trouble is I can't even kill someone, they're online. It takes eighteen years just to navigate to the specific page on Amazon where they even deign to begin doing shitall about rectifying the situation. I've even got to wait until tomorrow to complain, just in case. Just in case what for fecks sake? I've seen the van drive off!
Tw*ts.

[BWFC_Insane]

Arrrrrgh. Feckin Amazon.
Ordered Iain M Banks's new book yesterday. Guaranteed one day delivery. Feckin' Guaranteed. Parcel Force van has just left after delivering hundreds of parcels to work. Was there a parcel for me? Was there fxck.

Trouble is I can't even kill someone, they're online. It takes eighteen years just to navigate to the specific page on Amazon where they even deign to begin doing shitall about rectifying the situation. I've even got to wait until tomorrow to complain, just in case. Just in case what for fecks sake? I've seen the van drive off!
Tw*ts.

How do you know its coming via parcel force? Amazon use a variety of delivery methods. In my experience next day deliveries usually come around lunch time that day.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Arrrrrgh. Feckin Amazon.
Ordered Iain M Banks's new book yesterday. Guaranteed one day delivery. Feckin' Guaranteed. Parcel Force van has just left after delivering hundreds of parcels to work. Was there a parcel for me? Was there fxck.

Trouble is I can't even kill someone, they're online. It takes eighteen years just to navigate to the specific page on Amazon where they even deign to begin doing shitall about rectifying the situation. I've even got to wait until tomorrow to complain, just in case. Just in case what for fecks sake? I've seen the van drive off!
Tw*ts.

How do you know its coming via parcel force? Amazon use a variety of delivery methods. In my experience next day deliveries usually come around lunch time that day.

That's a very good question Mr Insane, and to be honest one that I didn't address in my rant. The answer is because thats what the feckers told me. When you check under Your Order it tells you about tracking information. Mine tells me there is no tracking information, it's been Delivered, then helpfully it tells me that this was done by Parcel Feckin Force. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. I'd just manage to calm down, and now I'm chewing the fecking carpets again.

[CrazyHorse]

As an angry aside to spotty's rant, how come those "track my order" order tracking things never seem to work too? I mean, how hard can it be?

[Lost Leopard Spot]

As an angry aside to spotty's rant, how come those "track my order" order tracking things never seem to work too? I mean, how hard can it be?

I've just rung up the Parcel Force depot (I have their secret number) and I've asked that very question. The answer is an unbelievable one. Truly.

Parcel Forceperson

"Our tracking systems are too sophisticated for Amazon's systems. There is no point in displaying information that will be out of date before it is displayed" [unquote]

[Lost Leopard Spot]

My book is in a time warp - it was delivered back in 1932. My great grandfather signed for it and read it. As a result he didn't go out that night and didn't meet my great grandmother. Two days later he shagged somebody else. I now don't exist.

[CrazyHorse]

As an angry aside to spotty's rant, how come those "track my order" order tracking things never seem to work too? I mean, how hard can it be?

I've just rung up the Parcel Force depot (I have their secret number) and I've asked that very question. The answer is an unbelievable one. Truly.

Parcel Forceperson

"Our tracking systems are too sophisticated for Amazon's systems. There is no point in displaying information that will be out of date before it is displayed" [unquote]

Or, reading between the lines....Parcel Force just can't be arsed doing it.

We're nearly in 2013 and yet I still can't track the real-time worldwide location of every single letter and parcel to within two metres using an app on my phone. Lazy bastards.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Update: package located (apparently) in Peterborough! [where the feck is Peterborough I hear you cry - it's one of those places that exists in a vaguely southerly direction, a bit like Cambridge, near London but not quite. I looked it up on my phone, because I've got one that you can do that on]. I've been promised it'll be with me before teatime, which I thought rather vague but much more satisfactory than previous answers.
So mods, stand by, we might have to do an emergency transfer into the Today I'm Happy thread [that'll wipe the grin off that Wandering Willy]

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Book's arrived. Good job I didn't shout at anybody over the phone, much, well a little bit...

[Annoyed Grunt]

Arrrrrgh. Feckin Amazon.
Ordered Iain M Banks's new book yesterday. Guaranteed one day delivery. Feckin' Guaranteed. Parcel Force van has just left after delivering hundreds of parcels to work. Was there a parcel for me? Was there fxck.

Trouble is I can't even kill someone, they're online. It takes eighteen years just to navigate to the specific page on Amazon where they even deign to begin doing shitall about rectifying the situation. I've even got to wait until tomorrow to complain, just in case. Just in case what for fecks sake? I've seen the van drive off!
Tw*ts.

Book's arrived. Good job I didn't shout at anybody over the phone, much, well a little bit...

Are rants the only thing you're premature with?

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Arrrrrgh. Feckin Amazon.
Ordered Iain M Banks's new book yesterday. Guaranteed one day delivery. Feckin' Guaranteed. Parcel Force van has just left after delivering hundreds of parcels to work. Was there a parcel for me? Was there fxck.

Trouble is I can't even kill someone, they're online. It takes eighteen years just to navigate to the specific page on Amazon where they even deign to begin doing shitall about rectifying the situation. I've even got to wait until tomorrow to complain, just in case. Just in case what for fecks sake? I've seen the van drive off!
Tw*ts.

Book's arrived. Good job I didn't shout at anybody over the phone, much, well a little bit...

Are rants the only thing you're premature with?

So far. But that might change with all the pressure I'm under.

[thebish]

Arrrrrgh. Feckin Amazon.
Ordered Iain M Banks's new book yesterday. Guaranteed one day delivery. Feckin' Guaranteed. Parcel Force van has just left after delivering hundreds of parcels to work. Was there a parcel for me? Was there fxck.

Trouble is I can't even kill someone, they're online. It takes eighteen years just to navigate to the specific page on Amazon where they even deign to begin doing shitall about rectifying the situation. I've even got to wait until tomorrow to complain, just in case. Just in case what for fecks sake? I've seen the van drive off!
Tw*ts.

Book's arrived. Good job I didn't shout at anybody over the phone, much, well a little bit...

Are rants the only thing you're premature with?

So far. But that might change with all the pressure I'm under.

it's a shit book anyway...