Pundit Ratings
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David Lee's Hair
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Pundit Ratings
*Alan Hansen 8/10**
He can still do it. His withering criticism of the ineffectual Ballack was
Hansen at his finest "...he's just got a huge cigar on." Top stuff.
*Matt Le Tissier 8/10*
Plus, he often looks like he's been on the lash until 5 minutes before
coming on screen. That's class. Will be star performer of 2007.
*Alan McInally 7/10
*Hard bastard. Opinionated and likes shouting. Gives the impression that he
doesn't suffer fools gladly. Rows with Jeff like a drunk at the bar. He's
definitely the pundit you'd most like to see stripped to the waist and
brawling outside of a pub with a skin full of drink on him.
*David Pleat 7/10
*Most people think he's a silly old man. I like him because he always says
"hello everyone" as the game starts, which makes me feel wanted. Handicapped
by some bizarre pronunciations and rambling delusions but Pleat knows
football inside and out and he's good on tactics.
*George Graham 5/10
*Uses boot polish black hair dye and may be a robot.
*Terry Venables 4.5/10*
Does a good impression of a man who had recently had a stroke and can't
arrange his words properly any more. Now sports a new set of teeth that
don't fit his mouth properly.
*Andy Townshend 4.5/10*
Comes with a huge, distracting nose and lumpy, warty skin which gives him an
odd, Dickensian barrow boy sort of look...
*Paul Merson 3/10
*Merse appears to have brain damage. He seems unable to speak coherently and
has weird blank but slightly frightened eyes, as though he's expecting to be
attacked by bats at any moment. His bursts of manic laughing are a genuinely
frightening sight. Good comedy value if you enjoy laughing at the
handicapped. Part of me just wants him to do that I'm-drinking-big-pints
tongue out thing. He was good at that.
*Alan Shearer 3/10
*As bad as Lee Dixon but gets an extra half a point for the sh*t-eating
grinning, no doubt at the thought of all the money he's earning for doing so
little work. His analysis largely consists of just saying what is happening
on the screen. "He's hit it with his right foot and it's gone in," to which
a nation shouts "we know, we can see!!" Only the BBC could pay someone so
much for doing so little in such a poor way. We're disappointed with that
and will be all 2007 long.
*Mark Lawrenson 3/10*
His end-of-the-pier duo with Motty is an insult to us all. If the phrase
'tired cliché' was made flesh, it would look like Lawro slumped on a sofa
looking fed up. Sadly destined to annoy us for 12 more months when a career
in panto would surely be more appropriate.
*Ian Wright 0/10
*See Peter Reid; only more mindless and incoherent and appallingly
unprofessional. If you own a TV you are required by the law to pay his
wages. Thanks BBC.
*Jim Rosenthal - 3/10*
A scary crow-like half man, half bird creature. He's been around forever
although he's now only on ITV4 reporting on obscure UEFA games. Looked
alternately terrified and confused throughout his World Cup stint. Just not
very good despite years of experience.
*John Barnes - 2/10*
Incoherent and rubbish at everything on 5. But he get's an extra point for
being such a train wreck at the job that he's compulsive viewing and Colin
Murray likes laughing at him so he'll be with us for another year.
*Garth Crooks - 2/10*
He gets two points for having a large table tennis ball for a head and for
asking the longest questions in the history of broadcasting. Crooks career
took a nose dive when he began to aurally pleasure Sven in interviews. More
like a comedy turn these days, we'll probably only see him on international
days.
He can still do it. His withering criticism of the ineffectual Ballack was
Hansen at his finest "...he's just got a huge cigar on." Top stuff.
*Matt Le Tissier 8/10*
Plus, he often looks like he's been on the lash until 5 minutes before
coming on screen. That's class. Will be star performer of 2007.
*Alan McInally 7/10
*Hard bastard. Opinionated and likes shouting. Gives the impression that he
doesn't suffer fools gladly. Rows with Jeff like a drunk at the bar. He's
definitely the pundit you'd most like to see stripped to the waist and
brawling outside of a pub with a skin full of drink on him.
*David Pleat 7/10
*Most people think he's a silly old man. I like him because he always says
"hello everyone" as the game starts, which makes me feel wanted. Handicapped
by some bizarre pronunciations and rambling delusions but Pleat knows
football inside and out and he's good on tactics.
*George Graham 5/10
*Uses boot polish black hair dye and may be a robot.
*Terry Venables 4.5/10*
Does a good impression of a man who had recently had a stroke and can't
arrange his words properly any more. Now sports a new set of teeth that
don't fit his mouth properly.
*Andy Townshend 4.5/10*
Comes with a huge, distracting nose and lumpy, warty skin which gives him an
odd, Dickensian barrow boy sort of look...
*Paul Merson 3/10
*Merse appears to have brain damage. He seems unable to speak coherently and
has weird blank but slightly frightened eyes, as though he's expecting to be
attacked by bats at any moment. His bursts of manic laughing are a genuinely
frightening sight. Good comedy value if you enjoy laughing at the
handicapped. Part of me just wants him to do that I'm-drinking-big-pints
tongue out thing. He was good at that.
*Alan Shearer 3/10
*As bad as Lee Dixon but gets an extra half a point for the sh*t-eating
grinning, no doubt at the thought of all the money he's earning for doing so
little work. His analysis largely consists of just saying what is happening
on the screen. "He's hit it with his right foot and it's gone in," to which
a nation shouts "we know, we can see!!" Only the BBC could pay someone so
much for doing so little in such a poor way. We're disappointed with that
and will be all 2007 long.
*Mark Lawrenson 3/10*
His end-of-the-pier duo with Motty is an insult to us all. If the phrase
'tired cliché' was made flesh, it would look like Lawro slumped on a sofa
looking fed up. Sadly destined to annoy us for 12 more months when a career
in panto would surely be more appropriate.
*Ian Wright 0/10
*See Peter Reid; only more mindless and incoherent and appallingly
unprofessional. If you own a TV you are required by the law to pay his
wages. Thanks BBC.
*Jim Rosenthal - 3/10*
A scary crow-like half man, half bird creature. He's been around forever
although he's now only on ITV4 reporting on obscure UEFA games. Looked
alternately terrified and confused throughout his World Cup stint. Just not
very good despite years of experience.
*John Barnes - 2/10*
Incoherent and rubbish at everything on 5. But he get's an extra point for
being such a train wreck at the job that he's compulsive viewing and Colin
Murray likes laughing at him so he'll be with us for another year.
*Garth Crooks - 2/10*
He gets two points for having a large table tennis ball for a head and for
asking the longest questions in the history of broadcasting. Crooks career
took a nose dive when he began to aurally pleasure Sven in interviews. More
like a comedy turn these days, we'll probably only see him on international
days.
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Soldier_Of_The_White_Army
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David Lee's Hair
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Moral Eclipse
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so I think he deserves more than a 3. Maybe a 4. 5 is perhaps overdoing it because he looks stiff on TV, as though he's frightened of moving.-
Soldier_Of_The_White_Army
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Bruce Rioja
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I wholeheartedly agree. Each and every one of them is a condescending feck* that insults the viewer by stating the obvious as though only they know what's going on because they're former pro's. I'll tell you what, if your knowledge of the game is sooo fantastic, why are you in a studio and not in a dugout? Coz you're a c*nt, that's why. Bunch of arseholes, set fire to the fecking lot of 'em!Batman wrote:They're all sheeeeeeeeite
May the bridges I burn light your way
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officer_dibble
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mummywhycantieatcrayons
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