Guys - do you get bored when dragged to the Supermarket ?

bobo the clown · Post by **bobo the clown** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 10:51 am

This doesn't have to be true to be funny, but wonderful if it is ...

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in house wares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

TANGODANCER · Post by **TANGODANCER** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:04 am

Could well beliee this to be true (although why doesn't he just refuse to go?).

One day, three years ago, and a couple of days before Christmas, sick to death of being pushed about by bossy women and fed up of having my ankles rapped by gormless idiots with trolleys; infuriated at the biggest women around stopping to talk in the middle of alleys, etc etc, I parked myself in front of a stack of milk and refused to move whilst the wife pottered around (where can you be safe? If I stood in front of a pile of horse manure some idiot would want fertiliser). A guy came around a corner with an expression on his face that said it all. He just looked at me, shook his head and said "Fxxk this, next year I'm off to Spain". I nodded and agreed heartily. The following year, and since, I've been to Benidorm. No dearer and a lot less stress. Supermarkets, hate em.

Bruce Rioja · Post by **Bruce Rioja** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:42 am

I was hearing something yesterday about some guy that went into Curry's (or somesuch) with an audio cassette that he'd made up. Basically, he'd left a 20 second gap at the beginning of the tape giving him time to load it into one of the display Hi-Fi jobbies, turn the volume up to full and then walk away from it. Hey presto, 20 seconds later - Megadeath belting out into the store at full tilt and the staff not knowing which appliance its coming from, and as such unable to turn it off.

Stick your extended warranty up your arses!

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:48 am

it's a shame it is made up because it would be quite funny

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:57 am

I don't mind Tesco, the one in Walkden is always full of MILFS

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 11:59 am

boltonboris wrote:I don't mind Tesco, the one in Walkden is always full of MILFS

there's a top MILF in one of the boxes behind us in West Lower

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:00 pm

Get it rattled lad, theres nothing better than an appreciative 40 something.

Gertie · Post by **Gertie** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:08 pm

I'll regret this....

What or who....

Is a MILF?????

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:08 pm

I think her husband may have something to say about that!

blurred · Post by **blurred** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:11 pm

Gertie wrote:I'll regret this....

What or who....

Is a MILF?????

It entered popular culture from one of the American Pie movies (the first one, I think). Its meaning is, how shall I put this delicately for you, Mum I'd like to, er, fornicate with...

warthog · Post by **warthog** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:12 pm

It could be worse. How about a GILF?

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:15 pm

warthog wrote:It could be worse. How about a GILF?

GGILF??

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:16 pm

communistworkethic wrote:I think her husband may have something to say about that!

Well at a certain age.. Maybe he'll appreciate the help!

David Lee's Hair · Post by **David Lee's Hair** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:22 pm

communistworkethic wrote:
boltonboris wrote:I don't mind Tesco, the one in Walkden is always full of MILFS
there's a top MILF in one of the boxes behind us in West Lower

We had one near us in East stand lower, she only came to a couple of games but the chants of

"MILF! MILF! MILF! MILF!"

Seem to have put her off, not seen her for a while

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:25 pm

blurred wrote:
Gertie wrote:I'll regret this....

What or who....

Is a MILF?????
It entered popular culture from one of the American Pie movies (the first one, I think). Its meaning is, how shall I put this delicately for you, Mum I'd like to, er, fornicate with...

hmm I'm sure milfhunter.com pre-dates the film

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:28 pm

Don't forget Milfnextdoor.com

blurred · Post by **blurred** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:28 pm

communistworkethic wrote:
blurred wrote:It entered popular culture from one of the American Pie movies (the first one, I think). Its meaning is, how shall I put this delicately for you, Mum I'd like to, er, fornicate with...
hmm I'm sure milfhunter.com pre-dates the film

Quite possibly does, and I'm sure that the chaps who wrote American Pie didn't invent it themselves, but that's when it reached a wider audience, for sure.

communistworkethic · Post by **communistworkethic** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:31 pm

blurred wrote:
communistworkethic wrote:
blurred wrote:It entered popular culture from one of the American Pie movies (the first one, I think). Its meaning is, how shall I put this delicately for you, Mum I'd like to, er, fornicate with...
hmm I'm sure milfhunter.com pre-dates the film
Quite possibly does, and I'm sure that the chaps who wrote American Pie didn't invent it themselves, but that's when it reached a wider audience, for sure.

dunno, it gets a lot of hits

boltonboris · Post by **boltonboris** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:37 pm

communistworkethic wrote:
blurred wrote:
communistworkethic wrote:
blurred wrote:It entered popular culture from one of the American Pie movies (the first one, I think). Its meaning is, how shall I put this delicately for you, Mum I'd like to, er, fornicate with...
hmm I'm sure milfhunter.com pre-dates the film
Quite possibly does, and I'm sure that the chaps who wrote American Pie didn't invent it themselves, but that's when it reached a wider audience, for sure.
dunno, it gets a lot of hits

It rhymes with hits anyhow

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:47 pm

GILF??? Goat

I have done these

Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here." - do this one all the time

Also when approached by one of those blame and claim basts, when asked if I had recently had an accident I told them I had just shat myself.

Yes I am old enough to know far better and for some reasons my daughter and partner hate shopping with me

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Guys - do you get bored when dragged to the Supermarket ?

Guys - do you get bored when dragged to the Supermarket ?

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