Unbelievable Jeff!

[jimbo]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop ... enter.html

Interesting news about Jeff Stelling being named the new countdown host. He should be great with natural charm, humour and charisma and will appeal to a younger generation than the two Dezzes. I for one will be tuning in to see the great man in the chair. I really hope he doesn't make a hash of it though which may cloud my view of him as a cult hero.

Also, considering they still haven't found a replacement for Carol, they should offer the job to Chris Kamara. There can't be enough of those two on television.

[Bruce Rioja]

Jeff Stelling is, beyond any doubt the finest 'live' presenter on television today.

I was watching him inject his unremitting wit into his as-it-happens broadcast a few weeks ago wondering what on earth he did beforehand? SKY didn't just happen across him, where did they find him?

[jimbo]

Some great Jeffisms

* When Gareth Jelleyman was sent off for Mansfield Town in the 2005-2006 season Stelling replied "it looks as if Jellyman has thrown a wobbly". On the 4th October 2008, Jelleyman was sent off again, and Jeff Stelling used the same line to refer to the first time.

* Whenever Adam Stansfield scores, he says 'Lisa will be pleased'.

* Similarly, he says 'Sally will be pleased' whenever current Arbroath player Kevin Webster scores.

* Also whenever Kevin Nolan scores for Bolton Wanderers, Jeff usually says, "his sisters will be pleased".

* Stelling almost always refers to former Gretna striker Kenny Deuchar as 'The Good Doctor', whenever he scores. This is due to Deuchar actually being a qualified doctor.

* When Guylain Ndumbu-Nsungu scored for Sheffield Wednesday, Jeff quipped "Local boy makes good"

* "There's only one Enoch Showunmi. Thank God for that"!

* Once when Michael Kightly scored for Wolverhampton Wanderers Jeff said "Kightly onto a flyer"

* Once when Craig Alcock almost scored for Yeovil Town, Jeff laughed "Craig can't seem to put it away!"

* Whenever a player called Stephenson scores, Jeff says "I bet that was a rocket".

* When Daniel Agger scored a spectacular goal against West Ham United at Anfield during the 2006–07 season, Jeff remarked "Just how did Agger-do that?"

* When James Brown scored for Hartlepool, Jeff sang "I feel good". On 9 August 2008, when he scored, Jeff Stelling appeared dancing on screen with a singing James Brown figure that sang I feel good. He states this will occur every time James Brown scores this season.

* He often refers to Brighton & Hove Albion as two different teams.

* Similarly, he refers to Dagenham & Redbridge as separate teams.

* When Robbie Williams scored, Stelling said he had "No Regrets" about the goal

* When a passage of play in a Wigan Athletic match involved the player Fitz Hall Jeff comically referred to him as "good old one-size". This was in reference to the commonly used phrase "one size fits-all".

* When Bristol Rovers striker Andy Williams scores, Jeff points out it was a free transfer, and that the transfer was "too good to be true" in a reference to a line from singer Andy Williams' song Can't Take My Eyes Off You. This despite the fact that Williams was actually signed from Hereford United for a six figure fee.

* One of Stelling's famous catchphrases on his Sky Sports show occurred whenever the Welsh team "Total Network Solutions" (now The New Saints F.C.) won a game, upon which he invariably commented, "They'll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight". Stelling has now updated the catchphrase to "dancing in the streets of The New Saints" as the team has changed its name.

* When Brian Wilson of Bristol City scored in 2007, Stelling commented that Wilson had just moved from Cheltenham and that "He Gets Around". While commenting on the score later in the game Stelling asked "Wouldn't It Be Nice" if Wilson got another, before going on to say that if the opposition equalised then Wilson would have to "Do It Again".

* When referee Andre Marriner made a bad decision, Stelling stated that "the referee is all at sea in that game".

* Whenever Darren Mansaram scores, Jeff says "Wham-Bam-Mansaram"

* When Dean Drough scored for Cowdenbeath, he made the comment 'He must be the cousin of dandruff.'

* When Matt Le Tissier made a comment about a shot been "high, wide and not very handsome. Jeff replied; "A bit like you then Matt".

[bobby5]

I liked his reference to Lee Bradbury, 'if you take the r's out it spells bad buy'

[Bruce Rioja]

* One of Stelling's famous catchphrases on his Sky Sports show occurred whenever the Welsh team "Total Network Solutions" (now The New Saints F.C.) won a game, upon which he invariably commented, "They'll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight". Stelling has now updated the catchphrase to "dancing in the streets of The New Saints" as the team has changed its name.

I do feel the need to put a little meat on the bone here. The original quote was "There will be dancing on the streets of Raith tonight" by Scottish commentator, Sam Leitch, after Raith Rovers had knocked Glasgow Rangers out of the Scottish Cup. Leitch, incredibly, wasn't aware that there's no such place as Raith, and that our Pime Minister's favourite side play in Kircaldy (just over the Forth from Edinburgh, in case you're wondering ).

[KeeeeeeeBaaaaaaab]

Sorted out many a postponed Saturday at our club for the lads (always gone to the sanctuary of my daughter before any of this happens):

THE JEFF STELLING DRINKING GAME

Current Rules:

- Everytime a goal is scored:- 1 shot of beer
- Every sending off:- 1 shot of Jager (or substitute)
- Half time:- Absolutley no alcoholic beverages may be
imbibed during this period.
- Whenever Chris Kamara is talking:- You must be drinking
- Whenever Merson uses stupid rhyming slang (i.e."he's hit the beans on toast"!):- 1 shot of Jager
- In the second half, all teams can only be referred to by their nicknames:- Failure to do so results in a 3 beer shot penalty.
- Whenever Swindon Town appear on the vidiprinter: - Last person to shout out 'Mackerel' takes shot of Jager.
- Whenever Dundee appear on the vidiprinter:- Last person to shout out 'Football' takes shot of Jager.
- Everytime Phil Thompson says 'Stevie Gerrard':- 3 shots of beer.
- Everytime Jeff makes an 'A Trialist' joke:- 3 shots of beer.
- Everytime your team score:- 2 extra shots of beer
- Everytime Matty Taylor and 'Goal of the Season' are mentioned in the same sentence:- 1 shot of Jager
- Everytime Jeff calls Kenny Deucher 'The Good Doctor':- 1 shot of Whisky
- Any hint of racism (social or otherwise) from any of the pundits:- Quad bombs (4 jager+redbull) all round
- Everytime Hartlepool score a goal:- 3 shots of beer
- Everytime a pundit shouts off camera:- 2 shots of beer
- Everytime LeTiss is mentioned in connection with a takeaway: - 1 shot of Jager
- Whenever Chris Kamara says "its unbelievable Jeff", all drinks must be downed
- Everytime Jeff mentions "dancing in the streets of TNS: - 1 shot of jager
- Everytime Jeff says "its Doom and Gloom at..." - 1 shot of jager
- Everytime the team 'Keith' is referred to as just being one guy :- 1 shot of jager
- Everytime Brighton & Hove, or Daggers & Redbridge are jokingly referred to as two different teams playing the same oppo :- 1 shot of jager
- Everytime when Arbroath striker Kevin Webster scores and Stelling says "ohh, Sally will be pleased" :- 1 shot of Jager.
- Everytime anything bad happens to Craig Bellemy (injury, og, booked, arrested for assault etc.) :- 2 celebratory shots of the spirit of choice.
- Whenever Northampton Town appear on the vidiprinter, last person to shout out 'Cobblers' :- shot of Jager
- Whenever the Gareth Barry affair/scandal is mentioned :- shot of jager
- Whenever Ronaldo transfer speculation is mentioned :- shot of brandy
- Whenever a James Brown related joke is made :- Last person to sing 'I feel good' must down drink
- Whenever the James Brown statue dances :- Last person to dance along must have shot of tequila.

[jimbo]

Sorted out many a postponed Saturday at our club for the lads (always gone to the sanctuary of my daughter before any of this happens):

THE JEFF STELLING DRINKING GAME

Current Rules:

- Everytime a goal is scored:- 1 shot of beer
- Every sending off:- 1 shot of Jager (or substitute)
- Half time:- Absolutley no alcoholic beverages may be
imbibed during this period.
- Whenever Chris Kamara is talking:- You must be drinking
- Whenever Merson uses stupid rhyming slang (i.e."he's hit the beans on toast"!):- 1 shot of Jager
- In the second half, all teams can only be referred to by their nicknames:- Failure to do so results in a 3 beer shot penalty.
- Whenever Swindon Town appear on the vidiprinter: - Last person to shout out 'Mackerel' takes shot of Jager.
- Whenever Dundee appear on the vidiprinter:- Last person to shout out 'Football' takes shot of Jager.
- Everytime Phil Thompson says 'Stevie Gerrard':- 3 shots of beer.
- Everytime Jeff makes an 'A Trialist' joke:- 3 shots of beer.
- Everytime your team score:- 2 extra shots of beer
- Everytime Matty Taylor and 'Goal of the Season' are mentioned in the same sentence:- 1 shot of Jager
- Everytime Jeff calls Kenny Deucher 'The Good Doctor':- 1 shot of Whisky
- Any hint of racism (social or otherwise) from any of the pundits:- Quad bombs (4 jager+redbull) all round
- Everytime Hartlepool score a goal:- 3 shots of beer
- Everytime a pundit shouts off camera:- 2 shots of beer
- Everytime LeTiss is mentioned in connection with a takeaway: - 1 shot of Jager
- Whenever Chris Kamara says "its unbelievable Jeff", all drinks must be downed
- Everytime Jeff mentions "dancing in the streets of TNS: - 1 shot of jager
- Everytime Jeff says "its Doom and Gloom at..." - 1 shot of jager
- Everytime the team 'Keith' is referred to as just being one guy :- 1 shot of jager
- Everytime Brighton & Hove, or Daggers & Redbridge are jokingly referred to as two different teams playing the same oppo :- 1 shot of jager
- Everytime when Arbroath striker Kevin Webster scores and Stelling says "ohh, Sally will be pleased" :- 1 shot of Jager.
- Everytime anything bad happens to Craig Bellemy (injury, og, booked, arrested for assault etc.) :- 2 celebratory shots of the spirit of choice.
- Whenever Northampton Town appear on the vidiprinter, last person to shout out 'Cobblers' :- shot of Jager
- Whenever the Gareth Barry affair/scandal is mentioned :- shot of jager
- Whenever Ronaldo transfer speculation is mentioned :- shot of brandy
- Whenever a James Brown related joke is made :- Last person to sing 'I feel good' must down drink
- Whenever the James Brown statue dances :- Last person to dance along must have shot of tequila.

I'm a veteran of this also, with many a Saturday at uni spent playing and ending up paralytic at 5 in the afternoon - never a good sign.

[warthog]

* One of Stelling's famous catchphrases on his Sky Sports show occurred whenever the Welsh team "Total Network Solutions" (now The New Saints F.C.) won a game, upon which he invariably commented, "They'll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight". Stelling has now updated the catchphrase to "dancing in the streets of The New Saints" as the team has changed its name.

I do feel the need to put a little meat on the bone here. The original quote was "There will be dancing on the streets of Raith tonight" by Scottish commentator, Sam Leitch, after Raith Rovers had knocked Glasgow Rangers out of the Scottish Cup. Leitch, incredibly, wasn't aware that there's no such place as Raith, and that our Pime Minister's favourite side play in Kircaldy (just over the Forth from Edinburgh, in case you're wondering ).

I was working in Fife when Raith Rovers won the Scottish League Cup. There was no dancing in the streets, but there was an open air civic reception for the team, where everyone was treated to free pies and Bovril. I kid you not.

[Bruce Rioja]

but there was an open air civic reception for the team, where everyone was treated to free pies and Bovril. I kid you not.

Were they those most magnificent Scotch pies, filled with spiced and minced mutton in a really thin crust? Aww, I want one right now! Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

[Little Green Man]

but there was an open air civic reception for the team, where everyone was treated to free pies and Bovril. I kid you not.

Were they those most magnificent Scotch pies, filled with spiced and minced mutton in a really thin crust? Aww, I want one right now! Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

Mmmmmmmm - with lots of brown sauce. I don't think they actually contain meat though - it's probably something like haggis sweepings.

[Bruce Rioja]

but there was an open air civic reception for the team, where everyone was treated to free pies and Bovril. I kid you not.

Were they those most magnificent Scotch pies, filled with spiced and minced mutton in a really thin crust? Aww, I want one right now! Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

Mmmmmmmm - with lots of brown sauce. I don't think they actually contain meat though - it's probably something like haggis sweepings.

Well, I've heard it said that anyone that's ever worked in a pie factory would never eat a pie. As such, I'm actively avoiding working in a pie factory.

[communistworkethic]

but there was an open air civic reception for the team, where everyone was treated to free pies and Bovril. I kid you not.

Were they those most magnificent Scotch pies, filled with spiced and minced mutton in a really thin crust? Aww, I want one right now! Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

Mmmmmmmm - with lots of brown sauce. I don't think they actually contain meat though - it's probably something like haggis sweepings.

Well, I've heard it said that anyone that's ever worked in a pie factory would never eat a pie. As such, I'm actively avoiding working in a pie factory.

you can tell

[Bruce Rioja]

Anyway, I found myself chuckling at another Stelling-ism a couple of weeks ago: Nacho McNovo.