Facts that you have learnt through your own stupidity

[Lofthouse Lower]

Throughout time man has discovered, and evolved upon the shoulders of stupid people. What fruits and seeds are poisonous, whether you can wrestle a shark, and that sticking your penis in a hoover doesn't really simulate a good romp.

Essentially this is a thread dedicated to forummers own contribution to evolution. An 'I survived' Darwin awards if it were.

So post what you have learnt through your own acts of idiocy, forgetfulness and general will to explore the boundaries of man, nature and the universe.

Here's two of my own:

1) If you leave a banana to rot in a laptop bag, the banana ends up smelling exactly like shit. No musty, mouldy smell. Proper shit that makes you heave.

2) If you hit an older kid over the head with a tennis racket and manage to run and escape by hiding under a deckchair. Said deckchair may provide cover but does not vanquish the nature of sound. Therefore shouting 'I'm not here' when your dad is coming to give you a slap on the arse will not make him think that you aren't there. Quite the opposite in fact.

Your turn

[hisroyalgingerness]

If you go through another halls of residence shooting people with a potato gun, you get accused of turning fridges round

[Lofthouse Lower]

If you say so

Also, the steam that comes out of the centre of pitta bread after it pops out of the toaster, is hotter than any other type of steam.

[thebish]

put the oil sump plug back in BEFORE pouring in a whole can of new oil, not AFTER...

[jimbo]

Those jet washers that clean patios are really powerful. Powerful enough to make a fairly deep hole in a finger.

[Lofthouse Lower]

Another one; flipping a 50p coin ever higher in the air while wandering around a supermarket is good, but ceases to be good fun when you flip it way too high and it starts coming down behind you, leading you to run backwards like a retarded baseball catcher without looking, barge past some woman, trip over her leg, grab at her trolley in a futile attempt to save yourself, and end up dragging it over with you and tipping her young child onto the floor.

[thebish]

Those jet washers that clean patios are really powerful. Powerful enough to make a fairly deep hole in a finger.

[jimbo]

Oh, and despite it seeming like a good idea at the time, toasters shouldn't be used to cook burgers in.

[Lofthouse Lower]

Blowing a hand-full of pepper into your brother's face when he walks into the kitchen will not result in a Dennis-the-Menace-style sneezing fit.
It will instead cause an aggressive,painful and near blinding reaction with his eyes

[Lord Kangana]

put the oil sump plug back in BEFORE pouring in a whole can of new oil, not AFTER...

Aah, yes. Shut the valve before filling the deep fat friers.

And don't mix dangerous cleaning chemicals that will ignite when mixed.

Amongst other things.

[Little Green Man]

Heating a brewing thermometer over a kettle, then running it under the cold tap to see how quickly the mercury level drops is liable to leave you with a sink full of mercury.

[superjohnmcginlay]

Being completely off your face in unfamiliar surroundings usually ends in injury. Every time. Infact it still happens so I haven't actually learnt enough to stop.

[seanworth]

If you lie to a Thai Policeman that the small can of Mace you are holding is actually a men's fragance. Tell him before he tests it on himself.

[thebish]

If you lie to a Thai Policeman that the small can of Mace you are holding is actually a men's fragance. Tell him before he tests it on himself.

[CrazyHorse]

Hiding on top of the wardrobe in your older sister's bedroom with a view to leaping off and scaring her half to death can go horribly, horribly wrong if she happens to come back with her boyfriend thinking there's no one else in the house......

[seanworth]

Hiding on top of the wardrobe in your older sister's bedroom with a view to leaping off and scaring her half to death can go horribly, horribly wrong if she happens to come back with her boyfriend thinking there's no one else in the house......

So did you stay hidden?

[TANGODANCER]

Blowing into holes you've drilled to clear them out is offically not a good idea. Welding without googles is on the verge of moronic. Guilty on both counts.

[CrazyHorse]

Hiding on top of the wardrobe in your older sister's bedroom with a view to leaping off and scaring her half to death can go horribly, horribly wrong if she happens to come back with her boyfriend thinking there's no one else in the house......

So did you stay hidden?

I did. I didn't want a tw@tting off him. Or her.

[jaffka]

Hiding on top of the wardrobe in your older sister's bedroom with a view to leaping off and scaring her half to death can go horribly, horribly wrong if she happens to come back with her boyfriend thinking there's no one else in the house......

So did you stay hidden?

I did. I didn't want a tw@tting off him. Or her.

did you film it?

[Lofthouse Lower]

Betting a fat man that you can beat him in a running race - with him running forwards and you running backwards - may end up in a spained ankle and a lost bet.