The Death Row Meal

[Burnden Paddock]

It depends.

Theres the potential £6k fine for catching and serving the Ortolan. I'm sure it being a public body, they'd have to follow the rules and fess up on that one.

Alba truffle comes in at about £5.4k/kg at the mo.

I have no idea how much Msr Bocuse charges out for his time, say £20K?

The rest (including wine) could probably be got hold of for about 2 grand tops total, so if you do the maths vs me doing a 30-stretch, its bargainous. They should offer the option IMHO.

Pardoned.

Sod it. You're allowed the meal anyway. Just as long as we are all invited.

[jaffka]

It depends.

Theres the potential £6k fine for catching and serving the Ortolan. I'm sure it being a public body, they'd have to follow the rules and fess up on that one.

Alba truffle comes in at about £5.4k/kg at the mo.

I have no idea how much Msr Bocuse charges out for his time, say £20K?

The rest (including wine) could probably be got hold of for about 2 grand tops total, so if you do the maths vs me doing a 30-stretch, its bargainous. They should offer the option IMHO.

Pardoned.

Sod it. You're allowed the meal anyway. Just as long as we are all invited.

f**k that I have got my own party and no one else is invited

in fact all this arguing has just extended my stay by another day, better order another case

[William the White]

That Jurancon price is cheap William, where did you get it?

I promised not reveal my source... He wore a beret and was smoking a cigarette with yellow paper... Scent of old garlic and tobacco on the breath... Had a string of onions round the neck and carried a bucket of oysters... Perhaps a friend of yours?

[William the White]

It depends.

Theres the potential £6k fine for catching and serving the Ortolan. I'm sure it being a public body, they'd have to follow the rules and fess up on that one.

Alba truffle comes in at about £5.4k/kg at the mo.

I have no idea how much Msr Bocuse charges out for his time, say £20K?

The rest (including wine) could probably be got hold of for about 2 grand tops total, so if you do the maths vs me doing a 30-stretch, its bargainous. They should offer the option IMHO.

Do pay attention to title of thread...

[Lord Kangana]

Well yes, what I'm pointing out is that I would be in favour of a return to capital punishment were the full cost of housing prioners over extra-long sentences taken in to account versus the cost of giving them an appropriate send off. Ergo, ham, egg and chips doesn't cut the mustard.

[William the White]

Well yes, what I'm pointing out is that I would be in favour of a return to capital punishment were the full cost of housing prioners over extra-long sentences taken in to account versus the cost of giving them an appropriate send off. Ergo, ham, egg and chips doesn't cut the mustard.

good point, well made, convinced... Don't you worry it might be an incentive to murder, though?

[Lord Kangana]

Great food and less mouths to feed. Win-win.

[Montreal Wanderer]

Can I use artistic license, and have a last banquet?

I'll take the silence as a yes, so here goes....

Life has been cruel, so simple fayre is well off-reservation here. Last meals need to be memorable, if not for you, then at least for the bugger who had to prepare it. On balance, I'd want Paul Bocuse to cook it, Molecular Gastronomy is all well and good, but I want the Claude Monet treatment, not Damian bloody Hirst, when alls said and done .

Amuse Bouche:

Foie Gras d'Oie quickly seared in a pan and served on crisp white toasted baguette with a touch of fig jam from The Ariege pyrenees and a pinch of Maldon salt .
Wine: A nice small glass of Domaine Cauhape Folie de Janvier 2000 Jurancon to accompany.

First course:
Ortolan (first drowned in brandy) then made into a a Consomme en Surprise with a whole Perigord Truffle sliced into it.
Wine: 1994 La Rioja Alta Vina Ardanza Rioja Reserva

Fish course:
A lightly poached pave of Turbot with a sauce Nantua (Its important to understand here that 1) You have to rip the crayfish's intestines out whilst alive, and 2) you must then toss them into a hot frying pan and immediately flame with brandy. They must go in alive.) salsify mash, fresh Samphire and white asparagus lightly tossed in lashings of good butter, and Alba truffle. Go easy on the truffle, couldn't care less about the cost, they overpower.
Wine:1998 Zind-Humbrecht Pinot Gris Clos Jebsal

Meat:
Fillet of Holker Venison served with faggots made from its own offal, good rich jus made from oxtail.
Wine: Chateau Duhart-Milon Pauillac 2005. Well decanted. Whole bloody bottle too.

Dessert:
We'd have to get Simon Rogan to guest on this, but his Stiffy Tacky pudding is perfect for the flavour, but light to save room for the all-important cheese cours
Wine: 1969 Arnauld de Riveslates, Rivesaltes Ambre hors d'age

Cheeses: (all unpasteurised)
Ossau Iraty, Bethmale, Manchego, Roquefort, Tomme des Pyrenees, Berkswell, 3-year aged Gouda. Possibly with a little acorn-fed Iberico ham.
Wine: Finish off the bottle of Jurancon.

Now then, I'm just off to the cupboards to see if I've got any of that stuff in.

Not that you would be worried about the bill, but how much would us poor taxpayers be looking at to fund that little lot? I've never even heard of most of it. Need to have a think about mine now.

Well - the wine...

The Jurancon Amouse-bouche... £55.08
The Rioja first course... £53.19
The Zind-Humbrect fish course... £355.93
The Paulliac meat course... £73.07
The Riversaltes dessert... £72.80

Worth every penny, I reckon

$240 here for the Domaine Cauhape Folie de Janvier, but how did the mouse get in your mouth, WtW?

[bobo the clown]

B-Hell, LK !! It's a good job that in reality 'last meals' are fairly restricted and certainly don't include alcohol.

Nonetheless, I'm sure that would be top drawer, just confused how something which has had its intestines ripped out can still hit the pan alive .... let alone why ?

I'm going for the slightly less exotic ; Steak Pudding, chips & gravy (NOT steak & kidney), with real beer-based barm cakes, butter. Lots of salt. I WILL, by the way, be licking the plate once finished.

Pudding is Syrup Sponge, with vanilla custard

Pot of Lapsang Souchong, WITH MILK.

[William the White]

B-Hell, LK !! It's a good job that in reality 'last meals' are fairly restricted and certainly don't include alcohol.

Nonetheless, I'm sure that would be top drawer, just confused how something which has had its intestines ripped out can still hit the pan alive .... let alone why ?

I'm going for the slightly less exotic ; Steak Pudding, chips & gravy (NOT steak & kidney), with real beer-based barm cakes, butter. Lots of salt. I WILL, by the way, be licking the plate once finished.

Pudding is Syrup Sponge, with vanilla custard

Pot of Lapsang Souchong, WITH MILK.

The only decent way to start the day... And with milk!

[LeverEnd]

This thread reminds me of an old Rich Hall favourite ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LNd0dOX ... 430F2456AB" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[bwfcdan94]

Pie, chips, mussy peas and gravy with a can of coke would be great thank you.

[jaffka]

B-Hell, LK !! It's a good job that in reality 'last meals' are fairly restricted and certainly don't include alcohol.

Nonetheless, I'm sure that would be top drawer, just confused how something which has had its intestines ripped out can still hit the pan alive .... let alone why ?

I'm going for the slightly less exotic ; Steak Pudding, chips & gravy (NOT steak & kidney), with real beer-based barm cakes, butter. Lots of salt. I WILL, by the way, be licking the plate once finished.

Pudding is Syrup Sponge, with vanilla custard

Pot of Lapsang Souchong, WITH MILK.

Not sure which death row you are on but mine does