Joke thread
Moderator: Zulus Thousand of em
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boltonboris
- Immortal
- Posts: 14015
- Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 4:27 pm
Re: Joke thread
What looks like a woman and has the mental capacity of a small child?
A woman.
A woman.
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
Re: Joke thread
I have just seen Mark Morrison taking his laptop back in the apple store...
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
Re: Joke thread
"Young people, nowadays, imagine money is everything."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
Re: Joke thread
Formed a band last month. We're called 999 Megabytes.
We haven't had a gig yet.
We haven't had a gig yet.
"Young people, nowadays, imagine money is everything."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
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NiceHotCuppaTea
- Promising
- Posts: 370
- Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2011 7:20 pm
- Location: Bolton
Re: Joke thread
Tough game for Liverpool tomorrow.
Football.
Football.
Re: Joke thread
I walked up to the counter in the chemist and just my luck there was a girl serving.
"Erm... Morning," I said, "I need some erm... God, this is embarrassing..."
"Don't you worry sir," she leaned in and whispered reassuringly, "I get this every day!"
I smiled back.
"Condoms?" she said.
"No," I said.
"Suppositories?" she said.
"No," I said.
"Tampons?"
"No."
"Well, it can't be that embarrassing then, sir," she said with a smile.
"Paracetamol," I said.
"Paracetamol?" she said with a puzzled look. "£1.99 please. What's so embarrassing?"
Then I pulled out my little pink purse.
"Erm... Morning," I said, "I need some erm... God, this is embarrassing..."
"Don't you worry sir," she leaned in and whispered reassuringly, "I get this every day!"
I smiled back.
"Condoms?" she said.
"No," I said.
"Suppositories?" she said.
"No," I said.
"Tampons?"
"No."
"Well, it can't be that embarrassing then, sir," she said with a smile.
"Paracetamol," I said.
"Paracetamol?" she said with a puzzled look. "£1.99 please. What's so embarrassing?"
Then I pulled out my little pink purse.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
Re: Joke thread
£1.99 for paracetamol? You've been had.
"Young people, nowadays, imagine money is everything."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
"Yes, and when they grow older they know it."
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CrazyHorse
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- Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2005 2:51 pm
- Location: Up above the streets and houses
Re: Joke thread
Why is Pru admitting he has a pink purse on the joke thread? 
Businesswoman of the year.
Re: Joke thread
a euphemism???Prufrock wrote:
Then I pulled out my little pink purse.
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CrazyHorse
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- Location: Up above the streets and houses
Re: Joke thread
Your quip was way better than mine.thebish wrote:a euphemism???Prufrock wrote:
Then I pulled out my little pink purse.
You bastard.
Businesswoman of the year.
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Gary the Enfield
- Legend
- Posts: 8598
- Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2009 2:08 pm
- Location: Enfield
Re: Joke thread
CrazyHorse wrote:Why is Pru admitting he has a pink purse on the joke thread?
He's secretly pleased to have found an exact colour match with his dressing gown and cigarette holder and needs to vocalise in a non-gay way?
Re: Joke thread
My cigarette holder isn't pink!
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Bruce Rioja
- Immortal
- Posts: 38742
- Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 9:19 pm
- Location: Drifting into the arena of the unwell.
Re: Joke thread
I went into the chemist and got my Burnley Wallet out once. 
May the bridges I burn light your way
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Gary the Enfield
- Legend
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- Location: Enfield
Re: Joke thread
Prufrock wrote:My cigarette holder isn't pink!
Then it simply MUST be Tortoiseshell, darling!
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TANGODANCER
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- Location: Between the Regency and the Rubaiyat and forever trying to light penny candles from stars.
Re: Joke thread
I think he meant the Sobranie Cocktail cigarettes in it.Prufrock wrote:My cigarette holder isn't pink!
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
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Worthy4England
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- Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 6:45 pm
Re: Joke thread
I remember getting some of them when I was about 16. Looked a right cnut all night.TANGODANCER wrote:I think he meant the Sobranie Cocktail cigarettes in it.Prufrock wrote:My cigarette holder isn't pink!
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Bruce Rioja
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- Location: Drifting into the arena of the unwell.
Re: Joke thread
So just imagine how you looked with a Sobraine Cocktail cigarette.Worthy4England wrote:I remember getting some of them when I was about 16. Looked a right cnut all night.TANGODANCER wrote:I think he meant the Sobranie Cocktail cigarettes in it.Prufrock wrote:My cigarette holder isn't pink!
May the bridges I burn light your way
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TANGODANCER
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- Location: Between the Regency and the Rubaiyat and forever trying to light penny candles from stars.
Re: Joke thread
I did the same with the Sobranie Black Russian things. Mr supercool . Price of them, I was back on Embassy next day.Worthy4England wrote:I remember getting some of them when I was about 16. Looked a right cnut all night.TANGODANCER wrote:I think he meant the Sobranie Cocktail cigarettes in it.Prufrock wrote:My cigarette holder isn't pink!
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
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