Joke thread

[thebish]

poor Liam Gallagher's kid!

[bobo the clown]

^^^ nope. Not a clue.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

^^^ nope. Not a clue.

This'll explain it, if you can be arsed to sit through the tedium.

[bobo the clown]

Aaaah. I see. Ta

[TANGODANCER]

[thebish]

hahahahahah!

[clapton is god]

I'm thinking of selling my spittoon on eBay, but I'm worried it could trigger a b'ding! war.

[clapton is god]

Jack, age 92, and Gill, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way
they pass a chemist shop and Jack suggests they go in.
Jack addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jack: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jack: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds"
Jack: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jack: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "Yes"
Jack: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jack: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, and antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jack: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We do."
Jack: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jack: "Adult incontinence pants?"
Pharmacist: "Yes."
Jack: "Then we'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list."

[Always hopeful]

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?










A thesaurus.

[thebish]

[Andy Waller]

I went to see Dr Hook last Friday.

It was the worst colonoscopy I've ever had....

[Enoch]

I was telling a guy at work how useless I am with the ladies, and how I had to stand on a chair to kiss last night's date goodnight.

He said, "Wow! She was that tall?"

I said, "No, she hanged herself."

[Andy Waller]

A lion, a witch and a wardrobe go into an Irish bar.

The barman says "I'm serving Narnia"

[thebish]

If you get an email today telling you that processed meat causes cancer; it's probably SPAM.

[thebish]

[clapton is god]

Greediest man in Iran - Ayatollah Pies.

[clapton is god]

A farmer has a talking sheepdog. One day the dog gets all the sheep into the pen and reports back to the farmer.

"All 40 sheep accounted for," says the dog.

"But I only have 36 sheep" says the farmer.

"I know," says the sheepdog, "but I rounded them up."

[Lost Leopard Spot]

A farmer has a talking sheepdog. One day the dog gets all the sheep into the pen and reports back to the farmer.

"All 40 sheep accounted for," says the dog.

"But I only have 36 sheep" says the farmer.

"I know," says the sheepdog, "but I rounded them up."

Ba ha ha

[clapton is god]

I've just accidentally swallowed some cat medicine. Don't ask meow.

[bobo the clown]

Have YOU been hit by a rythym stick ?

Then you could be entitled to compensation through our personal Ian Dury scheme.