Joke thread

If you have a life outside of BWFC, then this is the place to tell us all about your toilet habits, and those bizarre fetishes.......

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Hoboh
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Hoboh » Sat Jan 12, 2019 6:13 am

Took my hearing aid in for repair a couple of weeks ago

Haven't heard a thing since :conf:

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Sun Jan 13, 2019 3:17 pm

I've just visited Holland. No wonder the Nazis found Anne Franck, there are signposts directing you to her house all over Amsterdam...
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread

Post by TANGODANCER » Sun Jan 13, 2019 4:17 pm

I went to buy records by Manfred Mann. They had none. .
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Re: Joke thread

Post by boltonboris » Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:17 pm

Some bloke stopped me in the street the other day..

"Excuse me, you have ginger hair - So I want to ask you a simple question, If you have 7 girls' numbers in 1 pocket and 5 girls' numbers in the other, what do you have"

Obviously, I said "12 girls' numbers"

He said "No, you have somebody else's pants you ginger tw@t"
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Enoch » Tue Feb 12, 2019 7:36 pm

Just heard my mate 's passed out on the London Eye!

I'm told he's slowly coming round.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Enoch » Wed Feb 13, 2019 4:20 pm

Had a date yesterday with a lovely girl that works at the zoo.

Think she's a keeper.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:00 am

[From the Fringe]

I keep randomly shouting out 'cauliflower', 'broccoli' - I think I've got Flourettes.
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Re: Joke thread

Post by TANGODANCER » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:07 am

Lost Leopard Spot wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:00 am
[From the Fringe]

I keep randomly shouting out 'cauliflower', 'broccoli' - I think I've got Flourettes.
Who but you would post that at eight 0' clock in the morning...? :lol:
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Gary the Enfield » Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:05 pm

I thought taking my pet snail's shell off would make him go faster.......unfortunately he just became more sluggish.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Lost Leopard Spot » Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:10 pm

Gary the Enfield wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:05 pm
I thought taking my pet snail's shell off would make him go faster.......unfortunately he just became more sluggish.
G Roan. :D
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Enoch
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Enoch » Sun May 10, 2020 12:37 am

The inventor of sexual innuendo passed away today.

His wife is taking it really hard.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Bruce Rioja » Thu May 14, 2020 12:09 pm

Relaxing in the garden yesterday when all of a sudden an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked in. I said "Is this a joke?"
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Re: Joke thread

Post by Hoboh » Sat Mar 20, 2021 5:04 pm

You've got to love the Irish Mammy! ☘️ 😉😅 😂

Young Paddy invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Paddy's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between young Paddy and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Young Paddy volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to young Paddy saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner,
I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you??

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Paddy.
So he sat down and wrote

DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE.
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.?

LOVE PADDY

Several days later, Paddy received an email from his mother which read

DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE,
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW!

LOVE MAM.

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Re: Joke thread

Post by Worthy4England » Sat Mar 20, 2021 5:14 pm

:-)

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Re: Joke thread

Post by boltonboris » Thu May 13, 2021 10:40 am

What's red and lives in a tree

A sanitary owl
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"

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