Joke thread
Moderator: Zulus Thousand of em
- Montreal Wanderer
- Immortal
- Posts: 12940
- Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 12:45 am
- Location: Montreal, Canada
Re: Joke thread
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Re: Joke thread
Oh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.Montreal Wanderer wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pmMy source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
...
- Lost Leopard Spot
- Immortal
- Posts: 18436
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 11:14 am
- Location: In the long grass, hunting for a watering hole.
Re: Joke thread
They all do the rounds. Except Prufrock's. He composes them
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
頑張ってください
-
- Immortal
- Posts: 14028
- Joined: Sat Jun 11, 2005 4:27 pm
Re: Joke thread
Twitter:@shitjokesLeverEnd wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:18 pmOh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.Montreal Wanderer wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pmMy source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
"I've got the ball now. It's a bit worn, but I've got it"
- Lost Leopard Spot
- Immortal
- Posts: 18436
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 11:14 am
- Location: In the long grass, hunting for a watering hole.
Re: Joke thread
I quite liked it. I've refrained from republishing it though... Don't know how many copyright infringements I'm facing in court still.boltonboris wrote: ↑Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:30 pmTwitter:@shitjokesLeverEnd wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:18 pmOh yes! Hadn't seen that. Wasn't actually taking the piss.Montreal Wanderer wrote: ↑Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:09 pmMy source was Bolton Boris a couple of jokes up....
My mate posted it on Facebook. Must've been doing the rounds!
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
頑張ってください
Re: Joke thread
“Welcome, Count Dracula. Before we start, would you like a small aperitif?”
“No, I think mine are just the right size"
“No, I think mine are just the right size"
...
-
- Passionate
- Posts: 3734
- Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2011 8:14 pm
- Location: Bury
Re: Joke thread
The receptionist at the sperm clinic asked if I would like to masturbate in the cup. I said "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready for competition!"
- Bruce Rioja
- Immortal
- Posts: 38742
- Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 9:19 pm
- Location: Drifting into the arena of the unwell.
Re: Joke thread
My missus told me I had to stop singing 'I'm A Believer' because it was doing her head in. I laughed because I thought she was joking...
...and then I saw her face.
...and then I saw her face.
May the bridges I burn light your way
Re: Joke thread
I married my best friend yesterday. Massive administrative f*ck up.
'Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.'
- Lost Leopard Spot
- Immortal
- Posts: 18436
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 11:14 am
- Location: In the long grass, hunting for a watering hole.
Re: Joke thread
Do you know that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween!
I guess they don't appreciate random strangers knocking on their doors.
I guess they don't appreciate random strangers knocking on their doors.
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
頑張ってください
- Lost Leopard Spot
- Immortal
- Posts: 18436
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 11:14 am
- Location: In the long grass, hunting for a watering hole.
Re: Joke thread
My mate thinks he's a smart arse. He argued with me that the only food that can make you cry is an onion.
He thought differently when I twatted him with a coconut.
He thought differently when I twatted him with a coconut.
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
頑張ってください
- Lost Leopard Spot
- Immortal
- Posts: 18436
- Joined: Wed May 09, 2012 11:14 am
- Location: In the long grass, hunting for a watering hole.
Re: Joke thread
[as quoted in the Times, attributed to Alex Magaisa, regarding the overthrow of Mugabe]
"This could be called the end of an error"
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
"This could be called the end of an error"
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
頑張ってください
- TANGODANCER
- Immortal
- Posts: 43218
- Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:35 pm
- Location: Between the Regency and the Rubaiyat and forever trying to light penny candles from stars.
Re: Joke thread
Bloke reverses down his mother-in-law's drive, hears a squeal and a bump, and jumping out finds he's flattened her poodle.
"Oh shxt, she'll go bananas, what am I going to tell her and the wife?"
Wanders off, head in hands. Flash of light, loud bang and a Genie appears in a cloud of smoke.
" Hello, I've come to tell you you have a wish you've never claimed. Ask me for anything just once, and I'll make it happen!"
Bloke in a panic, and not thinking straight says..
" Bring that dog back to life and save mine...please, please..."
Genie hesitates and shakes his head sadly.
"Can't do that, we don't mess with things like that, but hey, you, can still have that wish. Anything at all!
Bloke looks around and sees his wife arriving.
Okay then, see that woman, she's my wife. Turn her into a combination of Liz Taylor and Sophia Loren and I'll be delighted. That's my wish
The Genie studies the woman carefully for a minute....then...
"Let's go and have another look at that poodle..."
"Oh shxt, she'll go bananas, what am I going to tell her and the wife?"
Wanders off, head in hands. Flash of light, loud bang and a Genie appears in a cloud of smoke.
" Hello, I've come to tell you you have a wish you've never claimed. Ask me for anything just once, and I'll make it happen!"
Bloke in a panic, and not thinking straight says..
" Bring that dog back to life and save mine...please, please..."
Genie hesitates and shakes his head sadly.
"Can't do that, we don't mess with things like that, but hey, you, can still have that wish. Anything at all!
Bloke looks around and sees his wife arriving.
Okay then, see that woman, she's my wife. Turn her into a combination of Liz Taylor and Sophia Loren and I'll be delighted. That's my wish
The Genie studies the woman carefully for a minute....then...
"Let's go and have another look at that poodle..."
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
- TANGODANCER
- Immortal
- Posts: 43218
- Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:35 pm
- Location: Between the Regency and the Rubaiyat and forever trying to light penny candles from stars.
Re: Joke thread
I just coverred my bathroom wall in poems. Is that versatile?
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
Re: Joke thread
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means, it's not the end of the world.
Re: Joke thread
When my kleptomania gets bad I just take something for it.
- Bruce Rioja
- Immortal
- Posts: 38742
- Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2005 9:19 pm
- Location: Drifting into the arena of the unwell.
Re: Joke thread
Mate of mine reckons his dog retrieved a stick from over half a mile away. Sounds a bit far fetched.
May the bridges I burn light your way
Re: Joke thread
Why is a paddling pool different to a swimming pool?
.
Deepends...
.
Deepends...
Re: Joke thread
Thanks a lot to the f*cker that stole my antidepressants.
I hope you're happy now!!
I hope you're happy now!!
- TANGODANCER
- Immortal
- Posts: 43218
- Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:35 pm
- Location: Between the Regency and the Rubaiyat and forever trying to light penny candles from stars.
Re: Joke thread
What was the first Scotsman called?............McAdam... ![Grin & Wink :grin:](./images/smilies/grin.gif)
![Grin & Wink :grin:](./images/smilies/grin.gif)
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 164 guests