Joke thread
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- TANGODANCER
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Re: Joke thread
^^ That's straight from the "Mr Darcy never actually went for a swim or appeared in a wet shirt in 1815, that was Colin Firth in 1995!" school of shopping bags. Love it..
Si Deus pro nobis, quis contra nos?
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Re: Joke thread
The police are searching my home, my garage, my shed and my garden for stolen tyres. My wife is leading them around the gaff but I’m just trying to keep a low profile.
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Re: Joke thread
A moth doesn't feel very well so it goes to see a paediatrician.
"I don't feel very well doc. I have no energy and a sore chest."
The paediatrician says "I specialise in children's medicine. You need a GP. Why did you come to me?"
And the moth says "Your light was on."
"I don't feel very well doc. I have no energy and a sore chest."
The paediatrician says "I specialise in children's medicine. You need a GP. Why did you come to me?"
And the moth says "Your light was on."
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Re: Joke thread
Jesus and the disciples go into a restaurant and Jesus says "Can I have a table for 26 please?"
The maitre 'd says "But there's only 13 of you!"
Jesus says "Well, we all tend to sit on the same side of the table."
The maitre 'd says "But there's only 13 of you!"
Jesus says "Well, we all tend to sit on the same side of the table."
- Worthy4England
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Re: Joke thread
Gotta say Clappers, you've set a whole new standard there fella!
Re: Joke thread
Not quite Mr Worthy.
Dec last year thebish wrote:
- Worthy4England
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Re: Joke thread
Oh the picture....makes all the difference.
- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
Puts it in context, at least. Still a shit joke though.Worthy4England wrote: Oh the picture....makes all the difference.
That's not a leopard!
頑張ってください
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Re: Joke thread
I just bought eight legs of venison for £200.
Is that too dear?
Is that too dear?
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Re: Joke thread
I've just heard that there's a cross-eyed burglar doing the rounds.
If you see someone shady, peering through your window, warn your neighbours...
If you see someone shady, peering through your window, warn your neighbours...
What a hero, What a man...... Ooooh, what a bad foul...
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Re: Joke thread
Rumours of a food shortage at this years Annual Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
- Montreal Wanderer
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Re: Joke thread
This works on two levels soBurnden Paddock wrote:Rumours of a food shortage at this years Annual Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
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Re: Joke thread
Two cops came to my house last night and asked if I could show them a photo of the wife. I showed them one off the mantelpiece and one said "Were sorry, it looks like she's been run over."
"Yeah I know" I said, " but she's great with the kids."
"Yeah I know" I said, " but she's great with the kids."
Re: Joke thread
I've just got a new step ladder.
My real ladder left with the decorator.
My real ladder left with the decorator.
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Re: Joke thread
Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Heathrow.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days."
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days."
- Worthy4England
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Re: Joke thread
clapton is god wrote:Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Heathrow.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days."
Think last time I heard this it was Helmut Kohl, so I'd forgot it...
Re: Joke thread
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one,
but it takes the entire Accident & Emergency department to get it out.
Just one,
but it takes the entire Accident & Emergency department to get it out.
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