Joke thread

[Wandering Willy]

No - the one's I know of are pretty thick.

[Annoyed Grunt]

Annoyed Grunt, Me and Worthy, ready to hit the disco. Dig it man.

I'm not gay though.

Just take it like a man.

[ohjimmyjimmy]

Wife says 'why cant you be more like Man Utd. when we have sex'
'what do you mean?' i answered
'I mean stay on top for ages and then come second'

[thebish]

well.. if you insist on holding the Limpics in East London...

[thebish]

snigger....

[Wandering Willy]

Brilliant.

[davroduk]

Me and the wife decided to make our own $ex video.

She got really upset when I started holding auditions for her part.

[Annoyed Grunt]

Me and the wife decided to make our own $ex video.

She got really upset when I started holding auditions for her part.

[Verbal]

What's the most common source of mercury?

HG Wells.

Goodnight, try the fish, etc.

[davroduk]

Ok so this is going to get me banned from this site but..............

I am full of beer and dont give a feck.

Here goes.................


My uncle wasnt very good as a ventriloquist.















He used to stick his hand up my 4rse and tell me to keep quiet.

Sorry the beer made me do it.

[davroduk]

My mate sent a photo of his wife to the BBC for a new programme they are starting.







They sent it back and pointed out that it was actually going to be called..
Fact Hunt !!!!!!

[Annoyed Grunt]

Ok so this is going to get me banned from this site but..............

I am full of beer and dont give a feck.

Here goes.................


My uncle wasnt very good as a ventriloquist.















He used to stick his hand up my 4rse and tell me to keep quiet.

Sorry the beer made me do it.

Joke.....or confession?

[davroduk]

Didnt everyone have an uncle like this

[davroduk]

Spent some time at the wifes grave today..........


















She doesnt realise, she thinks im digging a pond.

[jaffka]

I think that you are the only one still playing full house.

[jaffka]

I think that you are the only one still playing full house.

That was aimed at Hoboh, has his post been deleted?

[malcd1]

I think that you are the only one still playing full house.

That was aimed at Hoboh, has his post been deleted?

Talking in riddles and to yourself. A sign of madness that.

[jaffka]

Or drinking more than I thought I had

[TANGODANCER]

[jaffka]

So I was at the bar about two weeks ago, drinking a beer, watching the game. Two seats down from me I notice this really beautiful girl, also drinking a beer. We make eye contact and she doesn't seem to think much of it. I go to take a drink and out of the corner of my eye I notice her doing the same thing. This is the time when things go terribly wrong. Just as she's about to take a drink she sneezes. Her glass eye falls out and, without thinking, I reach out and catch it. After an awkward second or two, I hand it back to her and she goes to the bathroom to wash it out and put it back in her skull. When she comes back she sits down right next to me and buys me a drink. We talk for a few hours and go back and forth buying each other drinks. Finally last call comes around and she asks if I'd like to come back to her place. Of course! We go back to her place, do the nasty, and pass out.

Well, I wake up in the morning and she is gone. No sign of her at all.
I lay there staring at the ceiling and finally decide to get dressed and leave. On my way down the stairs I smell breakfast food. BREAKFAST FOOD! A huge plate of bacon, pancakes, sausage, everything! I stick my head into the kitchen and ask her what she's doing. She says "Making breakfast. Duh!" So I ask her, "Do you do this for all the fellas?" She turns to look at me and says "No. You just happened to catch my eye."