General Chit Chat

[Lost Leopard Spot]

I have just completed 8 pages of utter bolloxy-horseshit - the kind of think that you have to produce when making an application to make any changes to a grade II listed building.

fortunately - several years of practice on here has made me an expert at writing utter bolloxy-horseshit - so I knocked it out with my eyes closed!

cheers TW!

Out of curiosity how long does it take to deliver an 8 page sermon?

just to be clear - this was not a sermon! and the answer to your question would be "depends" and "don't know"

back in the days long ago when I wrote sermons - many many years ago - they would never be 8 pages long!! (3 at the most?) - but that would depend on whether it was typed or written in big crayon - and then - is it double spaced for ease of reading and large font etc...

however - the other reason I don't know is that I don't write down my sermons... I haven't for years - I don't use notes or a script... my theory is that if i can't remember what I want to say - then what chance have the congregation?

they usually last about 15mins... sometimes they stay on-message - often they drift off as a new thought takes me...

not writing it down also means I am not stuck with holding papers or looking down at them or having to stand at a lectern or reading desk or pulpit - it means I can walk about as i deliver it for dramatic effect and intimidate the congregation by not standing still...

You need CGI thunder and lightning for proper intimidatory sermonising, with a hint of Brimstone (parfum d'beezelbub).

[thebish]

You need CGI thunder and lightning for proper intimidatory sermonising, with a hint of Brimstone (parfum d'beezelbub).

I did use a huge smoke machine once... that was ace!!

[Gary the Enfield]

You need CGI thunder and lightning for proper intimidatory sermonising, with a hint of Brimstone (parfum d'beezelbub).

I did use a huge smoke machine once... that was ace!!

Were you doing your Bat out of Hell impersonation on the old two stroke?

[thebish]

You need CGI thunder and lightning for proper intimidatory sermonising, with a hint of Brimstone (parfum d'beezelbub).

I did use a huge smoke machine once... that was ace!!

Were you doing your Bat out of Hell impersonation on the old two stroke?

no! but I have also taken the old girl up the aisle (as it were!)


Morning Worship by revnev, on Flickr

[Athers]

Wasn't that Waitrose thing automatically hooked up to some big display screen somewhere too?

[TANGODANCER]

You need CGI thunder and lightning for proper intimidatory sermonising, with a hint of Brimstone (parfum d'beezelbub).

I did use a huge smoke machine once... that was ace!!

Wee bit over the top in church don't you think?

[thebish]

Wee bit over the top in church don't you think?

i didn't know photos had been taken!

[Hoboh]

You need CGI thunder and lightning for proper intimidatory sermonising, with a hint of Brimstone (parfum d'beezelbub).

I did use a huge smoke machine once... that was ace!!

Were you doing your Bat out of Hell impersonation on the old two stroke?

no! but I have also taken the old girl up the aisle (as it were!)


Morning Worship by revnev, on Flickr

She looks good bish even though you have let the rear shocks go abit! When your down pipes go invest in some S/Steel ones if you want to keep the bike forever

[thebish]

She looks good bish even though you have let the rear shocks go abit! When your down pipes go invest in some S/Steel ones if you want to keep the bike forever

aye - you're right - they were a bit rusty when I got the bike - don't look great!!

as for the downpipes - I think I will when it comes to it... I have painted the downpipes a couple of times with the special black exhaust paint - and they look ace for a while - but it doesn't last more than a few months...

[Bruce Rioja]

She?

[Lost Leopard Spot]

She?

Like ships, all bikes are girls.

[thebish]

She?

aye.

[Bruce Rioja]

She?

Like ships, all bikes are girls.

Oh. Right oh!

[malcd1]

She?

Like ships, all bikes are girls.

Oh. Right oh!

Surely you would rather ride a woman than a man?

Or maybe just a bike?

[Bruce Rioja]

She?

Like ships, all bikes are girls.

Oh. Right oh!

Surely you would rather ride a woman than a man?

Or maybe just a bike?

I've ridden a few bikes over the years.

[Lost Leopard Spot]

I've searched for the Egg Corn thread but it's disappeared!

Anyway, best one yet. I found this: "to the vicar, the spoils".

[thebish]

I've searched for the Egg Corn thread but it's disappeared!

Anyway, best one yet. I found this: "to the vicar, the spoils".

oh yes!!

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Just had an interesting twenty minutes at work. Fire alarms went off and we all trooped out. Fire warden read all the names out and then said it was a test (as they always are). We start to troop back in and alarms go off again, and fire warden looks confused and we all congregate outside and fire warden goes through the usual rigmarole as we await the fire engine. Fire Engine turns up and in go the crew, breathing apparatus and fire hoses, the lot. Out they come one minute later with a piece of jet black toast, totally crisped, that somebody had left on when the first alarms rang. Nobody's claiming it, and fire warden and higher management are now glowering at everybody.

[bobo the clown]

Just had an interesting twenty minutes at work. Fire alarms went off and we all trooped out. Fire warden read all the names out and then said it was a test (as they always are). We start to troop back in and alarms go off again, and fire warden looks confused and we all congregate outside and fire warden goes through the usual rigmarole as we await the fire engine. Fire Engine turns up and in go the crew, breathing apparatus and fire hoses, the lot. Out they come one minute later with a piece of jet black toast, totally crisped, that somebody had left on when the first alarms rang. Nobody's claiming it, and fire warden and higher management are now glowering at everybody.

Except that upon the alarm sounding you are required to exit, with all due speed and not to delay or return for anything.

"I have something in the toaster" wouldn't be greeted with "OK love, you go back & get it".

Now they're glowering that' unlikely to flush the person out is it.

Oh .... & fireman are tossers.

[TANGODANCER]

Bomb scares.

Have to take them totally seious, however they turn out. Before I retired I was fire-warden in my last job. Wrote out a bomb-scare procedure, QA guy was delighted with it. Listed all the assembly points to safest areas etc. Great. Till the first time we had one of course. Alarm went off, people grabbed coats, handbags laptops, etc etc, but we managed to get the building evacuated safely. Came the personel check, at least a quarter of them missing. Bomb squad, police, the lot arrived. "Everybody accounted for? Er, no, some are missing. Turned out the missing ones had legged it miles away, gone for lunch etc, and most of them didn't come back that day. It was a false-alarm as it turned out, thankfully, but the remarks next day were something else.

"Assembly points, safety checks? Fxck that mate, I'm not being blown up for anybody" being typical of the answers when questioned. Why bother? .