Joke thread

[Montreal Wanderer]

Now that's funny.

[bwfcdan94]

Superb Bish, absolutely superb.

[seanworth]

Very funny indeed.

[Always hopeful]

Quite superb.

I didn't realise you were an artist and such a whit. Bravo!

[boltonboris]

It's been doing the twitter rounds for about 6 months. Good though!

[thebish]

[Prufrock]

[TANGODANCER]

^

Like that....

[bwfcdan94]

, brilliant nothing less.

[Prufrock]

Yet another fight has broken out in a bar selling cheaper than standard priced alcohol.
Parliament police said they are investigating the incident.

[davroduk]

Yet another fight has broken out in a bar selling cheaper than standard priced alcohol.
Parliament police said they are investigating the incident.

Had to think about that one.

[Dujon]

Mendicant in a bar with his temporary benefactor: "I made a friend yesterday."

Benefactor: "Ah, that's good news, how's it going?"

Mendicant: "Not too well; he melted."

[bobo the clown]

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

So the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'So ...... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use ?

[bwfcdan94]

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

So the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'So ...... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use ?

Wow, unbelievable, I was slowly laughing louder and louder as I read out the various items and then the punch line, well I nearly fell off my chair.

[thebish]

Wow, unbelievable, I was slowly laughing louder and louder as I read out the various items and then the punch line, well I nearly fell off my chair.

you've finally found an audience Bobo!!

[PC1978]

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

[PC1978]

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

[PC1978]

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

[clapton is god]

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

I'll have that one.

[Annoyed Grunt]

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

I'll have that one.

That's what the gay genie said......