Joke thread

[Andy Waller]

Brian, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. ‘Just released – New LP – Wasps of the world and the sounds that they make – Available now’.

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop and says: “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window.”

“Certainly sir”, says the man behind the counter. “If you'd like to step in the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you.”

Brian, world expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces: “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognise none of those.”

“I'm sorry sir”, says the young assistant. “If you'd care to step into the booth I can let you have another ten minutes.”

Brian, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. “I don’t understand it”, he says, “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I still can't recognise any of those.”

“I really am terribly sorry”, says the young assistant, “I've just realised I was playing the bee side.”

[mrkint]

Riots have been started on less that that! Christ!

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Brian, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. ‘Just released – New LP – Wasps of the world and the sounds that they make – Available now’.

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop and says: “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window.”

“Certainly sir”, says the man behind the counter. “If you'd like to step in the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you.”

Brian, world expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces: “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognise none of those.”

“I'm sorry sir”, says the young assistant. “If you'd care to step into the booth I can let you have another ten minutes.”

Brian, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. “I don’t understand it”, he says, “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I still can't recognise any of those.”

“I really am terribly sorry”, says the young assistant, “I've just realised I was playing the bee side.”

Terribly sorry Mr Waller, but Gertie beat you to it eight years ago. It's near the bottom of page 1 of this joke thread.

[Bruce Rioja]

Paddy called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the RSPCA woman replied, "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest" Paddy said, "But maybe that would explain the suitcase!!"

[Lost Leopard Spot]

Paddy called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the RSPCA woman replied, "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest" Paddy said, "But maybe that would explain the suitcase!!"

And now you're nicking Crazy's

[mrkint]

Apparently they don't like The Flintstones in Dubai.

But Abu Dhabi do.

[mrkint]

Doctor: we've got your results...I'm afraid you have Hermes
Patient: Don't you mean herpes?
Doctor: No, you're the carrier.

[mrkint]

Bought a dog from the blacksmith yesterday.

As soon as I got home, it made a bolt for the door.

[mrkint]

Man: Doctor I've got a lettuce growing out of my bottom.
Dr: Bend over I'll have a look...mmm, yes I think I can see a small leaf.
Man: That's just the tip of the Iceberg

[Lost Leopard Spot]

stop it. now.

[Bruce Rioja]

Paddy called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the RSPCA woman replied, "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest" Paddy said, "But maybe that would explain the suitcase!!"

And now you're nicking Crazy's

Ah. I wasn't aware of that. See, I've always avoided this thread ever since someone posted a terrible wasp joke on the front page.

[Worthy4England]

Apparently they don't like The Flintstones in Dubai.

But Abu Dhabi do.

[Annoyed Grunt]

Paddy called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the RSPCA woman replied, "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest" Paddy said, "But maybe that would explain the suitcase!!"

And now you're nicking Crazy's

Ah. I wasn't aware of that. See, I've always avoided this thread ever since someone posted a terrible wasp joke on the front page.

Homer Simpson has a lot to thank the chap above for....

[Lost Leopard Spot]

[thebish]

if cadbury merged with nestle....

[Burnden Paddock]

That made me laugh a lot more than it should have.

[Annoyed Grunt]

That made me laugh a lot more than it should have.

Same goes for me.....

[TANGODANCER]

Three yoofs larking about late night in the town centre. See a couple of coppers approaching.
Dimmest yoof: "Oh shxt, now we're in bother.
Smartest yoof. "No we're not, they won't do nowt. Just give eme a false name and act numb"
Dimmest yoof: "What name shall I give?"
Smartest yoof: "Oh, ffs, just pick one off a shop"

Copper: "What are you lot hanging about for? You, what's your name?"
Smartest yoof: "Er, Mark."
Copper, Mark what?
Smartest yoof: "Mark Spencer."
Copper? Hmm, and you?"
Middle yoof: "William"
"William what?"
Middle yoof: "Er, William Hill"
Copper: "Oh aye, and what about you then"
Dimmest yoof: Erm, I'm called Ken"
Copper: "Ken what?"
Dimmest yoof: " Er....Tucky Fried Chicken"

[boltonboris]

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff about to jump off.

A passing tramp stops and asks “Since you’re about to jump and kill yourself, if you don’t mind, could we possibly have sex?”

“God no” says the woman, “Go away”.

The tramp turns to leave and mutters, “fine, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom”

[mrkint]

not a joke, and it's been corrected, but made me laugh