Joke thread
Moderator: Zulus Thousand of em
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Re: Joke thread
Just seen a group of elderly fish swim past.
Old school.
Old school.
Re: Joke thread
Here's a really bad joke I think I made up, there's probably a good chance it already exists in some form, but if it does I've never heard it:
I went to a restaurant recently where all of the waiters were insects....I got arrested for fly tipping.
I went to a restaurant recently where all of the waiters were insects....I got arrested for fly tipping.
- Montreal Wanderer
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Re: Joke thread
I don't think it would work in North America as few people would know what fly tipping was.Beefheart wrote:Here's a really bad joke I think I made up, there's probably a good chance it already exists in some form, but if it does I've never heard it:
I went to a restaurant recently where all of the waiters were insects....I got arrested for fly tipping.
"If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. " Elbert Hubbard.
Re: Joke thread
Because of her size, we had to order a specially reinforced armchair for the wife.
When it arrived, we discovered they had accidentally sent us a top spec model, with a vibrating function. It even starts automatically as she approaches the chair to sit.
We called the company to tell them of their error and they informed us they make no such model.
Turns out it was just scared.
When it arrived, we discovered they had accidentally sent us a top spec model, with a vibrating function. It even starts automatically as she approaches the chair to sit.
We called the company to tell them of their error and they informed us they make no such model.
Turns out it was just scared.
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Re: Joke thread
Neil Diamond was born Neil Cole. He’s just really old and he’s been under a lot of pressure.
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Re: Joke thread
Made this one up; my best yet!!!
What's worse than stepping in Dog Sh*t?????
Play-Doh! Because I can't Lick Play-Doh of my shoe, I'm Bloody Gluten-intollerant!!! (Contains Wheat!)
What's worse than stepping in Dog Sh*t?????
Play-Doh! Because I can't Lick Play-Doh of my shoe, I'm Bloody Gluten-intollerant!!! (Contains Wheat!)
- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
*cough* When you state "my best yet!!!" I am not doubting that by the criteria you may be measuring it with, that that is indeed the best one that you have made up. But in the purest interests of mankind and my sanity I am forced to point out, Matty me owd son, that in no way does it actually constitute a joke insofar as it is lacking one prime ingredient of that medium, namely humour.2399 wrote:Made this one up; my best yet!!!
What's worse than stepping in Dog Sh*t?????
Play-Doh! Because I can't Lick Play-Doh of my shoe, I'm Bloody Gluten-intollerant!!! (Contains Wheat!)
That's not a leopard!
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- Gary the Enfield
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Re: Joke thread
mrkint wrote:Neil Diamond was born Neil Cole. He’s just really old and he’s been under a lot of pressure.
Spoken shouldn't be a problem. Written though, erm, should that not read Coal?
Re: Joke thread
Ok - back to real jokes!
If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would they embroider on their towels?
Wait for it....
Hiss and hearse!
If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would they embroider on their towels?
Wait for it....
Hiss and hearse!
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Re: Joke thread
thebish wrote:Ok - back to real jokes!
If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would they embroider on their towels?
Wait for it....
Hiss and hearse!
Boooooooo
That's not a leopard!
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- Bruce Rioja
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Re: Joke thread
Someone's had an ice lolly.thebish wrote:Ok - back to real jokes!
If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would they embroider on their towels?
Wait for it....
Hiss and hearse!
May the bridges I burn light your way
Re: Joke thread
Two dyslexics have failed in their attempt to rob a bank, when they ran in and shouted.......
"Air the hands in mother stickers"
"This is a feck up"
"Air the hands in mother stickers"
"This is a feck up"
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
Re: Joke thread
davroduk wrote:Two dyslexics have failed in their attempt to rob a bank, when they ran in and shouted.......
"Air the hands in mother stickers"
"This is a feck up"
I tried to avoid it but that made me larf!!!
Re: Joke thread
Well I thank youPC1978 wrote:davroduk wrote:Two dyslexics have failed in their attempt to rob a bank, when they ran in and shouted.......
"Air the hands in mother stickers"
"This is a feck up"
I tried to avoid it but that made me larf!!!
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
Re: Joke thread
As she eased the cucumber up my arse I remember thinking to myself.....
Thats the last time I ask for help with my packing at Asda !!!!!!
Thats the last time I ask for help with my packing at Asda !!!!!!
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
Re: Joke thread
It's like somebody dyslexic tried to copy a Peter Kay transcript. fecked it up. Unsurprisingly.davroduk wrote:Well I thank youPC1978 wrote:davroduk wrote:Two dyslexics have failed in their attempt to rob a bank, when they ran in and shouted.......
"Air the hands in mother stickers"
"This is a feck up"
I tried to avoid it but that made me larf!!!
In a world that has decided
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
That it's going to lose its mind
Be more kind, my friends, try to be more kind.
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Re: Joke thread
I think it's a rather older joke than Peter Kay.Prufrock wrote:It's like somebody dyslexic tried to copy a Peter Kay transcript. fecked it up. Unsurprisingly.davroduk wrote:Well I thank youPC1978 wrote:davroduk wrote:Two dyslexics have failed in their attempt to rob a bank, when they ran in and shouted.......
"Air the hands in mother stickers"
"This is a feck up"
I tried to avoid it but that made me larf!!!
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Re: Joke thread
Now that I laughed at..davroduk wrote:As she eased the cucumber up my arse I remember thinking to myself.....
Thats the last time I ask for help with my packing at Asda !!!!!!
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
davroduk wrote:As she eased the cucumber up my arse I remember thinking to myself.....
Thats the last time I ask for help with my packing at Asda !!!!!!
The above post is complete bollox/garbage/nonsense, please point this out to me at any and every occasion possible.
Re: Joke thread
I said to my wife, "If you lick my balls I'll come."
She said, "feck off, you're going shopping with me, whether you like it or not."
She said, "feck off, you're going shopping with me, whether you like it or not."
TALKING BALLS AS ALWAYS
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