Joke thread
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Re: Joke thread
^^^ nope. Not a clue.
Not advocating mass-murder as an entirely positive experience, of course, but it had its moments.
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
This'll explain it, if you can be arsed to sit through the tedium.bobo the clown wrote:^^^ nope. Not a clue.
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
Aaaah. I see. Ta
Not advocating mass-murder as an entirely positive experience, of course, but it had its moments.
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
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Re: Joke thread
I'm thinking of selling my spittoon on eBay, but I'm worried it could trigger a b'ding! war.
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Re: Joke thread
Jack, age 92, and Gill, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way
they pass a chemist shop and Jack suggests they go in.
Jack addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jack: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jack: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds"
Jack: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jack: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "Yes"
Jack: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jack: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, and antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jack: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We do."
Jack: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jack: "Adult incontinence pants?"
Pharmacist: "Yes."
Jack: "Then we'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list."
they pass a chemist shop and Jack suggests they go in.
Jack addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jack: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jack: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds"
Jack: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jack: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "Yes"
Jack: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jack: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, and antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jack: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We do."
Jack: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jack: "Adult incontinence pants?"
Pharmacist: "Yes."
Jack: "Then we'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list."
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Re: Joke thread
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
A thesaurus.
Hope is what keeps us going.
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Re: Joke thread
I went to see Dr Hook last Friday.
It was the worst colonoscopy I've ever had....
It was the worst colonoscopy I've ever had....
What a hero, What a man...... Ooooh, what a bad foul...
Re: Joke thread
I was telling a guy at work how useless I am with the ladies, and how I had to stand on a chair to kiss last night's date goodnight.
He said, "Wow! She was that tall?"
I said, "No, she hanged herself."
He said, "Wow! She was that tall?"
I said, "No, she hanged herself."
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Re: Joke thread
A lion, a witch and a wardrobe go into an Irish bar.
The barman says "I'm serving Narnia"
The barman says "I'm serving Narnia"
What a hero, What a man...... Ooooh, what a bad foul...
Re: Joke thread
If you get an email today telling you that processed meat causes cancer; it's probably SPAM.
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Re: Joke thread
A farmer has a talking sheepdog. One day the dog gets all the sheep into the pen and reports back to the farmer.
"All 40 sheep accounted for," says the dog.
"But I only have 36 sheep" says the farmer.
"I know," says the sheepdog, "but I rounded them up."
"All 40 sheep accounted for," says the dog.
"But I only have 36 sheep" says the farmer.
"I know," says the sheepdog, "but I rounded them up."
- Lost Leopard Spot
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Re: Joke thread
Ba ha haclapton is god wrote:A farmer has a talking sheepdog. One day the dog gets all the sheep into the pen and reports back to the farmer.
"All 40 sheep accounted for," says the dog.
"But I only have 36 sheep" says the farmer.
"I know," says the sheepdog, "but I rounded them up."
That's not a leopard!
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Re: Joke thread
I've just accidentally swallowed some cat medicine. Don't ask meow.
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Re: Joke thread
Have YOU been hit by a rythym stick ?
Then you could be entitled to compensation through our personal Ian Dury scheme.
Then you could be entitled to compensation through our personal Ian Dury scheme.
Not advocating mass-murder as an entirely positive experience, of course, but it had its moments.
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
"I understand you are a very good footballer" ... "I try".
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